Reason My Cat is a Jerk #33: She Won’t Move out the Way

21 09 2010

My cats don’t think they’re the center of the universe. They know they are.

Jezebel knows that all I ever want to do is pet her all day long. Pants assumes that I buy nice things so she can shred them. Jezebel treats me like my main job is to feed them the food that’s owed to them.

But Pants has taken it to another level. Pants has decided that it’s not even worth bothering to move when I want to get by.

See, our apartment has a hallway. It’s not very wide. When a cat sits in the middle of it, there’s actually not a lot of room to get around them. Which of course means that Pants seems to end up there a lot. When she was little, she used to at least attempt to get out of my way when I came toward her, because I was big and wore shoes and could crush her. But by now, she’s figured out that I don’t actually want to hurt her. So she just doesn’t move.

When I try to get by, she’ll sit there, staring up at me, daring me to push her out of the way. I can’t, of course. So I have to dance around her, and she’ll yawn and just do everything she can to let me know that she just doesn’t care, because she’s a jerk.




25 responses

29 09 2010

My cat does the same thing.
When I walk past him, he just looks at me; when my husband walks past him, my cat will either a) use his claws to show his displeasure or b) chase my husband [which leads to the two of them chasing one another back and forth across the apartment].
My cat will not allow peace to reign over my household…. and neither will my husband.

24 10 2010

Love your blog! My cats are terrible jerks. The puker, the destroyer, the one who eats the puke (ew). The one who decides knocking all the litter OUT OF the box is fun. Jerks.

24 10 2010

Oh, and yes…they are guilty of not moving out of the way, then get angry and scream if you accidentally step on them or move them. Seriously…jerks…that’s the only word that can adequately describe what they are….

25 10 2010

Kick it square in the face. That’s my formal recommendation.

16 11 2010
zodiac signs

i love black cats , I don’t know why , but i really like them the most

19 11 2010

Oh, your cats must be wrong. Mine are certain all in the know universe revolves around them,lol They seem to suffer the same complex as your cats, maybe they all do, there;s an idea,lol

22 11 2010

When you open the door to my apartment you are greeted with a stair case with a huge maine coon sitting on the second step. When you try to push him up the stairs he moves to the side to give the appearance that he will let you pass. But alas… You make it up two stairs and he’s running underfoot trying to get in front of you. I have fallen on my face a countless number of times. Cats really are jerks.

10 02 2011

Hey all – don’t realize that they read your nasty mind and know that you think they are jerks…. so alas they treat you accordingly.

My cats who know we love them read my mind and get out of my way.

But isn’t that true with all life forms… love it and you will get love in return.

9 03 2011
your mom

Hey, it seems like you really don’t like cats at all. I can tell from the way its seeming to cause problems for you in your life by doing basically nothing at all. How about this? Get rid of the fucking cat idiot, what a burden your life must be.

14 03 2011

Both of my cats do the same thing. The bad part is that they decide to move as my foot is in mid-stride which makes me trip and dance across the floor. Jerks! Love the clever and true observations.

29 03 2011

I have three black cats who are pretty much as jerkish as yours. I’ve started shuffling around the house, never letting my feet leave the floor. That way, I can shuffle them out of the way without worrying about stepping on them. This also helps with walking through the dark apartment at night – I can’t see the cats AND I’m sure as hell not going to trip over them!!! Shuffle shuffle, m’dear!

17 04 2011

I have a Melanistic Bengal just like yours. Her name is Percy and does most of the same jerky things your cats do. Percy likes to jump and grab your legs as you walk by. That can be somewhat disconcerting when it’s such a surprise attack.

23 06 2011

Cat’s are naturally like humans in the world of care. They see you don’t mind or its not a big problem. Grab a squirt bottle to train them. Most cats can’t stand being sprayed. They’ll lose the hateful habits when you reinforce punishment for their actions. The again, A cat willful and hard headed will always do what they want. Its a lovely factor we love about ourselves, but not our pets. Grow with it, and learn your cats personality.

8 08 2011
Barbara Brittain

I think you are the jerk!

12 08 2011
Shawn Tymchak

Exactly, they think they own the place, almost killed myself a few times tripping over them in the dark.

4 09 2011

My cat learned the hard way. I have an issue with depth perception and am terribly clumsy because of it. I try not to step on him but often miss and catch his tail or paw. He moves now and looks at me like “The klutz is coming! Get to high ground!” lol

30 10 2011

Great article acout your jerk cat 🙂

15 12 2011

I have a little black cat and a tiny hallway just like that. When she gets in my way I honestly keep walking. If my cat is too stupid to get out of my way, or positions herself under my feet as I am walking, she deserves it. She usually gets out of my way now. Hahaha

24 07 2012

My cat does this on the stairs. Sometimes when I’m carrying my 6 month old son down the stairs, she’ll be lying across the step, not moving even when I nudge her a bit with my foot. Even if I nudge her a lot, she doesn’t move and my legs aren’t long enough to move past the step she’s on. This means there’s literally NOTHING I can do and I usually just sit on the steps for a bit and wait.

13 08 2012

Same here. My cat gets in the way all the time and it won’t move. Even if I move him he just goes right back to where he was before. He never listens.

14 01 2013

my cat wilma also has the same annoying behavior not only does she get in my way and refuses to move but my stairs has become her playing ground every morning i wake up to find all her toys on the top step i cant walk down the stairs as wilma is guarding them,i have to throw her ball down to get her to move out the way.i get no nice welcome home kisses or cuddles from her after a day at work i try walking my bike through the house only to find my little jerk laying down spread out in the hallway right in the way of my bike wheel,as she refuses to move i have to pick my bike up over her to get past nice welcome home greeting.

15 05 2013
Bee Nice (@AshikiZeta)

OMG. I thought it was just my cat. And when you step on her because she is suddenly under you feet she want to scratch you like it is your fault.

1 11 2013
Mrs. Mason

I thought I was the only one that went threw this! My cat has done this 3 times in the last month, and I have da@! near broke my leg because of it. I took it as, well hes getting old! he is 15 now and male Siamese cat and yes he never shuts up lol My question is this, do they do this on purpose or what???

18 06 2014
Bunny Rand

I may have to find her a new home as I am almost 70 and tripping is not an option for me. She finds the narrowest place that we have to walk through and goes to sleep there. I used a spray bottle for 3 years. Apparently it didn’t work.

14 06 2018
Carly Corday

Don’t the notes from people who think you really do despise cats and just don’t know enough to kill yours and never get a cat again seem like GREAT folks??? Agggghh. Give me 20 cats who won’t move when I, at almost 70, come down the stairs, over a single one of these turds. LOL.

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