Reason My Cat is a Jerk #31: She Steals My Clothes

13 08 2010

Last week, I came home to find this:


That’s a dress I wore in a wedding once. I was the maid of honor. It was a beautiful wedding, and a nice dress.

Pants somehow found it and had to check it out.  And apparently, she liked it so much she decided to do it again and again. This is apparently Pants’ new thing. She suddenly and uncontrollably loves to go under my bed, pull out all my fancy dresses, and sit on them.  I shove them back under, and she pulls them back out. It’s happened half a dozen times so far.

See, I have a bag of old bridesmaids dresses and gowns leftover from college formals under the bed. I will probably never wear any of them ever again, and they’re not in style anymore, and I probably wouldn’t even fit into them anymore, and yet I can’t bring myself to throw them away. I’ve tried, several times. I’ve actually put the whole bag into the “donate to charity pile” and left it there for months, and then for some reason rescued it again. There are some good memories in that bag: Weddings of dear friends and roommates; the purple dress I bought for ten bucks at the thrift store without even trying it on; the brown dress I wore for the formal with the guy I pretended I didn’t like who later became my boyfriend. They’re just taking up space under my bed, but I somehow can’t bring myself to actually get rid of them.


Here she’s admiring a black one I wore to a friend’s formal work party when I was just out of college. It was quite nice. Pants agrees.

(Please note Jezebel down there in the bottom right corner, watching me curiously.)

Here’s what I came to another day. In this photo, you can see the purple  dress, the black dress, and the garbage bag she tore open to get to them, as well as random other crap from under my bed:

And in this one, you can see a close-up of how she’s managed to shred one of the dresses:

Now, Pants is a diva. She loves to be the center of attention, and she’s prissy, and she’s a total snob, and you somehow love her for it. If she dressed herself, she’d wear stilettos and tiaras every day. She probably just gets my clothes out because she wants to wear pretty dresses. I get that.

But what I don’t get is why she has to ruin them. She has to be doing it on purpose.

My husband thinks she likes the way they sound when they crinkle and can’t stop herself from clawing at them, but I know better. I know it’s all part of her plan to slowly and methodically destroy everything that’s important to me.




9 responses

17 08 2010

The niceness of a fabric is directly porportional to how much a cat will want to shred it

3 09 2010
Soft Paws Cattery

LOL you have a pretty funny blog going on here 🙂
I bet you love your jerks to pieces though, don’t you?

5 03 2011

I kept all of my lingerie, the pretty little nighties designed not for warmth, in the bottom drawer of a storage unit. I can’t tell you how many emotional scars I carry from walking in my room, finding my closet and the drawer open, and my male tabby rolling around in all of the silk and lace. It’s known as “Manfred’s private perv out time”. My cat is also a jerk.

7 03 2011
Dee Dee

When me and my boyfriend adopted a jerky Snowshoe named Tucker, he would literally STEAL my bra whenever I’d leave for the week (usually around nighttime, when my boyfriend goes to sleep and I have to head home). Tucker would drag my bra underneath the bed, so I’m fumbling around in the dark half-naked looking for it and he loves to put his “prey” in the middle of the underside of the bed so I can’t reach it with my stubby arms. Yes, Tucker is a HUGE jerk.

10 03 2011

I think you should dress her up in a little tiara and some fancy ribbon or something. Once her lust for fashion is put at ease maybe she’ll calm the fuck down.

14 06 2011

LOL. Funny blog. My cat loves to wait until I am nice and comfy in bed before she jumps on me and proceeds to shove her face right in mine and meow noisily. When my boyfriend and I first started living together he noticed that I would in my sleep talk back to her to placate her and make her be quite (go figure even in my sleep she wants me to pay attention to her). He immediatly put a stop to that and now she insists on doing this every night until she finds a comfy spot and falls asleep. If I even remotely open my eyes in the night, there’s her face in mine and a promt meow as she starts all over again. Yes, she’s a jerk. But their quirks and wierd behaviors are why we love them. unpredictable as ever she constantly makes me laugh. Thanks for the laugh!

8 07 2011

Maybe you should move your dresses to a closet or something?

6 09 2011

You COULD not leave them under your bed, possibly put the the bag on the top shelf in your closet, to prevent the cats from doing any MORE damage.

29 10 2013

The real question is why do you leave nice dresses under your bed??

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