10 Reasons I Am Better Than My Cats

11 08 2010

1. I have opposable thumbs, and can therefore do amazing things like open doors and prepare my own food.

2. I am bigger than they are.

3. My brain is larger than a golf ball.

4. I can throw them across the room. They cannot throw me across the room.

5. I don’t lick my butt.

6. I don’t lick my sister’s butt.

7. I have a whole blog about them. They don’t even know how to type.

8. I have never scarfed my dinner down, puked it all up, and then eaten the puke.

9. I have never missed the toilet.

10. I love them to distraction no matter what kinds of crazy things they think up to torture me, which is definitely more than they do for me.

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20 responses

11 08 2010
Lita & the boys in Melbourne

Yes, but you’re not allowed to throw them across the room, are you..?
cheeky cat mother! And you only think they don’t have a blog of their own ‘cos you’ve never seen them updating it. I’m pretty sure all cats have blogs, we (the mere humans who care for them) just don’t kow where to look.

24 10 2010
sunny

I thought I was the only one who had cats that ate puke. Ick.

11 02 2011
Tristan

Well, you’re one better than me. I know I’ve missed a toilet after drinking…

17 02 2011
Rhoann Joffe

Your cat might not know how to type and neither does mine. Ruby Squeak, Squeakie to his friends, did manage to turn my screen upside down on my laptop though and he refused to tell me how he did it so that I couldn’t undo it. Fortunately my cousin solved that problem for me.

26 02 2011
cristina

but..doesn’t the fact that you have a whole blog about your cats make them..well, better? cause they get all the attention? 😛

13 03 2011
Flaka

cats actually do have opposable thumbs, theirs are just half way up their forearm.

14 03 2011
Paul

i miss the toilet all the time and i have never been drunk. also those “thumbs” half way up their forearm are not opposable

15 03 2011
Bakeca Bologna

They get the attention because their owner wants that 😀

8 04 2011
Azy

Your cats don’t know how to type? Count yourself lucky. My cat was so bad about blogging I had to put a lock on my office!

28 04 2011
juicygirl

honey, if you did not already know that you are better than your cats then i am sorry i dont know what to say…..

8 05 2011
frankins

hahahahhaha

1 06 2011
stumbledhere

If you havent missed the toilet at least once… Then you havent truly lived

10 06 2011
Annoyed

I’ve been wondering why you have cats, if you hate them so much.

17 06 2011
rr

fuk u cats are geniuses ur the stupid 1

19 06 2011
Michaela

To the last two posts: How hard is it to tell this is totally sarcastic? It is obvious she loves her cats.

8 07 2011
Colin

ure cats are perfectly normal…u on the other hand 😉

31 10 2011
dawn

This is a great blog. Thankyou! I have four jerks. the latest is a teenager cat: a super jerk.
BTW, approx 33% of the human brain is PreFrontal Cortex. This is the most “evolved” part of our brain, where we plan, set goals, experience forethought. The pfc of a dog is 7%. Cat’s pfc is only 3%. I’m sorry; cats have no forethought.
I love them anyway.

21 01 2012
Jonathan King

4,6,7,9 and 10. All reasons why your cats lives are more interesting than yours.

21 05 2012
andrew111

Your number one rule, my cat has thumbs.

6 07 2012
HeyNineteen (@urineorurout)

Number 7 had me in tears! Hilarious

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