Reason My Cat is a Jerk #29: She Bites Everything

27 07 2010

When you adopt a kitten, you know your life is never going to be the same. You know what you’re getting into. From the moment you are forced to confront your first bag of kitty litter, you understand that all of a sudden you care a whole lot more about cat pee than you thought you ever would. You are forced to acknowledge right from the get-go that in owning a cat, there will be some damage to your finances, your furniture, and your sanity.

I know that was all coming. I was prepared for that.

But I did not expect to have to fear for the safety of every piece of paper or shred of plastic in my apartment.

I totally underestimated the jerks.

See, Pants loves her some plastic. She loves to bat at it, and to walk on it, but most of all, she loves to bite it. I have a theory that she likes the way it sounds when it crinkles in her teeth, or the way it feels in her mouth. Maybe she just likes the fact that when she’s done with it, it’ll have dozens of tiny little teeth marks poked into it.

The truth is, I have no idea what’s really going though he little pea-sized brain. All I know is that if I leave a dry-cleaning bag or a grocery bag out, she’ll tear into it.

See how she really digs into this one here? She has to yank it, trying to get as much leverage as she can to inflict the most possible damage on that helpless bag.

Jezebel is the same way. She’s not so much into plastic, thank goodness (I know that odd little habit is going to end in a trip to the vet someday), but she loves paper. She will shred any paper she can get her grubby little claws on. The more important it is, the better.

Here we caught her in the act shredding the tissue paper that came with a pair of new shoes. She saw the brand-new box on the floor (she also has a thing for boxes, but that’s a story for another day), hopped right on it, and went to town. The paper in this box is not in any way important, just indicative of her jerky little habit of shredding anything that comes across her path.

(That’s my husband providing the commentary there at the end).

I don’t know why they do it or how to stop it. But I do know that the more upset I get, th emore they seem to love doing it. Because they’re complete jerks.

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19 responses

27 07 2010
Steff

Not only does Jezebel look like my Shannon, she has the same tic as her. If it’s shreddable, she shreds it. Preferably cardboard boxes, which is why I am really looking forward to your box post 🙂

28 07 2010
Ashley

I don’t have a problem with paper or plastic (thank goodness) EXCEPT if bread is left out my black cat likes to bite holes in the bag. She never tries to eat the bread, she just likes to make it nice and stale for me. Jerk.

28 07 2010
Dee

My cat likes to chew plastic, paper, and tape. She looooovvveeessss tape. It must be super convenient for her that I’m moving so there’s plenty of tape on the moving boxes. She licks it, plays with it, and chews on it. I’m not sure what’s with cats’ fascination with random things o.0

29 07 2010
Joy S.

I read somewhere that cats love plastic because the lubrication they use to manufacture it smells so faintly of fish that only their expert noses can pick up on it. I know my kitty is not interested in either fish or plastic, but that could be because he’s only 9 months old.

30 07 2010
Emily

A foster kitten we once had stayed in my room with me for a while and would sit in my lap while I was doing homework and bite my papers. My binder, papers and even textbooks all had tiny little teeth holes covering them, he was a furry hole punch. He wouldn’t rip them up, just bite tons of little holes in the corners of every paper he could get his paws on. And yes, I did have to explain to my teachers why I had teeth marks all over my homework.

18 11 2010
angee

my stupid dog does the same thing with paper. she’ll go in the bathroom trash when we’re not looking and grab tissues out. when she eats them, she does the same bite-quick head shake-eat thing that jez does.

22 02 2011
Erin

Pants is EXACTLY like Diesel, the kitten who took over my home two months ago. She cries anytime there might be food available that she isn’t meant to have. She wakes me up at 3am by laying across my face, so that I wake up thinking I am being smothered by a down pillow. My hands look like I play with bowls full of razor blades. When I WANT to pet or cuddle her, it is as if my hands are coated in acid and it burns her precious fur. Jerk.

2 03 2011
Sarah

Our cat eats/paws at/sits on plastic things in the middle of the night specifically so that we will wake up and pet her. Or pick her up to get to her food. Neither of which we do- she hasn’t learned that this gets her locked out of the bedroom with the door blocked!

9 03 2011
Karina

I have 3 cats, but only one is totaly completely addicted to plastic.. in all sorts.. from candy, from bags, from stuff that wraps somethingelse… anything! He also enjoys a good plastic tape ! Though he hates when it gets stucked to his fur, he rans from it ! ahahah When he gets mad and starts biting us, we imediately offer him some sort of plastic we may have at hand. He always ALWAYS accept it. heheh

17 04 2011
megan

MY cat looooves plastic grocery bags…idk if its the smell or what but whe’ll sniff and lick it for a good hour if you let her. then her pupils are HUGE and its like she’s high and she just twitches and act like she smoked some crack. once she crawled up my whole body to get to the bag.

28 05 2011
Kristy

I have a pure white cat that loves to do the same thing. i usually keep a roll of toilet paper in my room during allergy season. about once a week or so, i will come home from school or town and it is all over my room. if she gets a hold of a newspaper its the same way. lol

28 05 2011
Effy

My cat, Bootsy Collins, also loves plastic! It drives my fiancee and I mad! He loves to lick it. The sound is so aggravating

7 06 2011
Sharli

My cat chews plastic alllll the time. Especially candy wrappers. She doesn’t chew on paper but she loves to lay on it. Which is a total pain in the ass when I’m doing homework and she comes to lay in my textbooks. (Although it is a nice excuse to take a break)

16 06 2011
Zonadow

I know why she does it! My cat Taloose does the same thing, it drives me crazy because plastic is terrible for her. I’ll be up peacefully curled up in my warm bed, and hear a crunching and have to climb down the ladder (bunk bed), down the stairs to stop her from chewing on grocery bags in the kitchen asdfhjkl

HOWEVER
I know why she does it. She’s chewing on it and eating it because the plastic pieces help her throw up, which gets rid of hairballs, which cause stomach aches.

The solution?

CAT GRASS.

28 06 2011
y b less

My cats do this too! They scratch and chew all kinds of stuff. One of them even figured out that biting and pulling on my earlobes is a great way to wake me up in the mornings for breakfast.

The other one just goes straight for my forehead, cheeks, or hair. He’s the one that chews anything in site: plastic, cardboard, wood furniture, shower curtains, my shoes, his brother, even my metal clothing rack!

8 07 2011
Jago

My cat usually only eats plastic if he wants my attention, which is around midnight and 5 am, my door is broken so I keep my big chest of stuff in front of it to keep it closed, Jasper is like ooh he’s going to bed maybe he’ll pay attention to me now! then he has me pet him for 10 or so minutes at which point he decides he’s bored of that and starts walking around, I fall asleep, and then I wake up hearing crinkling, so I whisper-hiss Jasper! because my Step-Dad is usually still up in the next room, that gets his attention for five seconds, then he does it again, at which point I chuck a marker at him, and he finally gets it and stops, I fall asleep, then at 5 I hear it again, so I let him out and try to go back to sleep and fail.

19 07 2011
wicked mara

we put tissue paper out because my cats like to play in it. My cat Abbie likes to tear paper. Ellie likes to chew plastic, but she often swallows bits of it and then pukes everywhere… :\

6 09 2011
Kirsten Rollag

My Mischief (her sister Trouble does it too but not as much) does the same thing to boxes that Pants is doing to the tissue paper. Shoe boxes, shipping boxes, any box really; she will sit in the box and just tear away at it spitting out the little pieces all over the place. It’s adorable and bothersome at the same time. She also loves the frak out of IcyHot. I think it’s the mentol-y-ness of it. It doesn’t matter where you are, after you put it on she’s right there smelling and licking all over, it’s probably not the best for her and it’s probably killed some of her tiny little brain cells but it’s hilarious.
I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s a great laugh and it helps to know I’m not the only one with crazy, jerk cats.

6 09 2011
Kirsten Rollag

Jezebel, not pants. lol sry.

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