Reason My Cat is a A Jerk #28: She Pukes on Everything

20 07 2010

I can think of very few things grosser than stepping in fresh cat puke first thing in the morning.

Stepping in cat pee, maybe. Poop, for sure. But cat puke has a special, ineffable quality that cannot be underestimated. There’s just something about the way the partially-digested food comes out in neat little lines, coated in slime, that’s pretty much the grossest thing ever.

I should know. Jezebel is a puke machine.

Now, Pants pukes too. Occasionally. She always seems so shocked by what’s happening, and so confused and embarrassed, that it’s almost cute when she projectile vomits. Jezebel, on the other hand, will puke and then, without even pausing, go back to her day. We come home to tiny little piles of vomit just about every evening. Often, they’re still warm. My husband and I both pretend we don’t see it so the other will have to clean it up.

It’s vile.

To her credit, Jezebel does try not to puke on things like rugs and comforters. I know this because I’ll come home and see that she’s tried. There will be a line of vomit trailing down my dresser (and once, into my open drawer), but it’s obvious that she tried to get it all over the edge. She puked off the side of the bed last week. A bit of it hit the side of the mattress, but the way it splattered showed she at least attempted to aim away from it. Which would be kind of sweet if it weren’t so completely disgusting.

Ok, Ok. Before anyone calls the animal police on me, please understand that I have tried everything I know of to fix the problem. I buy her food for cats with sensitive stomachs. I have switched up the kinds of food she eats. I have asked the vet about it. He said there’s not much you can do. Some cats just puke a lot.


The real problem is that she’s a pig and a half. She’s so concerned about Pants eating her food (an eventuality that has never occurred, as Pants takes two bites of her dinner on a good day) that she wolfs down as much as she can before Pants has a chance to get it. She’ll eat her whole dish, run off satisfied that Pants isn’t going to get more than her fair share, and then puke it all up five minutes later. I would feel bad for her if she didn’t completely bring it on herself. What a jerk.




25 responses

20 07 2010

I had a feline puke machine once. Let me tell you, I just LOVE the hacking sounds he would make right before laying a gooey, hairy glob of food on the couch. Yuck. He used to eat like a pig too; poor kitties know nothing of moderation.

20 07 2010

I also have two cats, one of which pukes on everything because he sheds like a maniac and has a hairball about every day, and the other which rarely pukes. However, the one that rarely pukes, when she does, she precedes it with a mournful yowl which sounds very much like she’s crying out “nooooooooooo” of which my interpretation is “oh god not this again”

20 07 2010

I have learned to never leave my shoes out because, for some reason, they seem to be a magnet for cat puke :/

21 07 2010

Haha, I have cat that pukes everywhere also. I call him Mr. Pukeypants. He is such a pig, that he wolfs down his share of the wet cat food and then goes and fights with the other cat for her share. After both dishes are thoroughly inspected with his tongue, he pukes everything up.

22 07 2010
kat lady

I had a pukey kitty too, but I cured her! Ha ha, she used to eat her food so fast (she was a shelter cat) that she’d hack it all up like 2 minutes later. Solution? I chucked a golf ball in her food dish. She had to eat around it and it slowed her down. I have another pigger cat who would eat her food if her got a chance, but he’s a total fatty and can’t jump up onto the kitchen table, so I started feeding pukey kitty on the table and then just gave it a quick wipe with an antibacterial cleanser. Voila! Kitty puke problem is solved! (for me anyway)

22 07 2010

From one pukecheeks owner to another, this cat food ball: has done wonders for my cat. Not only has it reduced her overall roundness to a slightly slimmer silhouette, but also inhibits food competition and wharfing down food as fast as she could before with the regular bowl. I also suggest a few leaves of spinach now and then to help with indoor cats who don’t get enough greens, and hey, maybe it’ll help keep them away from the house plants too. Pootie actually mews for it. She likes her kitty spinach indeed 🙂

27 07 2010

you need a boy cat … girls are bitches

3 08 2010
Knux Kitsune

My cat, Xerxes, won’t puke at all when I’m not home, but I’ll come home after work, and he’ll try to eat the entire bowl of food, then go somewhere and throw up…almost always on the carpet, because, you know, he just plain won’t puke in the kitchen where the floor is tiled. I’ve just gotten done shampooing my carpets a second time, and last night, he did it again, but he was sneaky. I could hear him, but I could not find him. He barfed under the couch! And I just know it had to be a rather large, undigested pile based on how much he ate, and the rest of the night, he kept begging for more food (he says he wants food by licking my hand, and gets upset and bites and claws me when I don’t give it to him.). I’m taking him to the vet this week. I’ve tried everything else, hairball formula food, regulating the food he gets. I keep the food in a plastic bin now, because he learned to rip open the bag and help himself. My cat is a jerk, but my other cat, Ebony, is a perfect angel, and Ebony is a girl, Mitch. Ebony is kinda like Pants in that she’ll take too bites and be done. She is more concerned about always having fresh water. She demands fresh water everyday. Xerxes always has to bother me, Ebony is content with being left alone. Xerxes likes to pester Ebony and play chase, whereas Ebony doesn’t seem much for games, or even string. Her favorite thing is to lay on the floor in the bathroom, near the vent, on the floor in my bedroom near the door, or on the easy chair in my bedroom where I often toss my clean clothes when the dryer is needed. Both cats were rescued and rehabilitated (because they were in bad shape when I got them), and Ebony is older than Xerxes, though she’s practically half his size.

6 08 2010
Reason My Cat is a Jerk #30: She Whines For Food and Doesn’t Eat It « My Cat is a Jerk

[…] Cat is a Jerk #30: She Whines For Food and Doesn’t Eat It 6 08 2010 I’ve mentioned a few places that Pants is a picky eater. This is probably an […]

12 08 2010

You might also try separating the feeding bowls to opposite corners of the room or in separate rooms. That panic feeding behavior is typical of beta cats (jezebel) when their food is near to the alpha’s (pants) – they know they will have to give it up when the alpha comes to eat so they try to get in as much as possible. You can see the same behavior in nature films of lions – the females will just stuff themselves with as much meat as possible until the male shows up and they have to give up the kill. Then they will retreat and vomit it up and re-eat it much slower.

So if you were to separate their food bowls – you might lessen the frequency of puking…

15 11 2010

Have you tried to separate them when they eat?
My younger cat, Yuki, swallows her food whole in a second, then runs off to steal the bigger cats food, Kylie. Kylie, takes FOR EVER to eat…it really pisses me off. 20mins for a little breakfast…jeez.
Yuki has eaten so much food when she got into the bag, she was huge and puked it all up later.
But yea, separate them, put kittie puker in a bathroom and either feed less or feed a little at a time.

20 12 2010

CATS DONT “JUST PUKE”! The occasional hairball, yes. There is a reason that cats puke. It is because of an intolerance for the CRAP that passes for pet food (yes, even the premium foods). If your cat can not consume, and hold down her dinner NOW, then you are in for a rude awakening in the future. Major vet bills, expensive medicine, so called “prescription diets”, lab work, diagnostic work, surgery. Maybe you cant afford all that, and “Fluffy” is so sick (but you’re out of money) that she has to be put to sleep. That, my friend is a very painful and guilt ridden path to go down.

Many cats CAN, and DO thrive on commercial pet foods, but puking is not and SHOULD NOT be an accepted part of the process.

Thank goodness, after several THOUSANDS of dollars later, I took the advice of a mere acquaintance. I researched and started my endeavor into feeding a raw diet. Three extremely ill cats. One with Upper Inflammatory Bowel Disease, puking all the time ($3000.00), One with Lower Inflammatory Bowel Disease, constant diarrhea and constant anal gland impactions ($1000.00), and one with chronic Urinary Tract Infections with stone formation ($5000.00). Raw diet….Priceless (sorry, couldn’t resist).

ALL THREE KITTIES, 100% CURED! No more medicine (i was told she would be on prednisone for life), no more prescription diets, no more trips to the vet, no more stepping in puke, piss, or crap! 100% CURED with a species appropriate diet. This IS NOT a coincidence!

You may not be at this point (yet), but please keep this info tucked away for future reference, or for anyone you know, who is struggling with their pets health (even diabetes, and obesity can be cured with this diet). Most veterinarians will not advocate this diet. This is because they are not taught about nutrition, and the pet food industry gives them money to help support their practice. This is a sad, and unfortunately, a true fact.

So please, for the love of your kitties…..CATS DO NOT “JUST PUKE”. Please take steps to provide your kitties with a healthier diet and life.

Thanks for hearing me out.

20 12 2010

OH! I forgot to add a great website to check out. or

19 02 2011

hey, there is lots of different reasons she may be puking….. my cat couldn’t digest turkey or chicken by-products, and once we found some brands who didn’t use chicken or turkey in the first 5 ingredients, she stopped puking for the most part. try it it could be the answer!

23 02 2011

I had the same problem. Kerrigor, my boy cat, would pig out so bad whenever it was feeding time and Sabriel, my girl cat (siblings) was anywhere near him. He would then puke everything up and cry and whine for more food and give my husband and myself a look that said “this is all your fault. fix it. with food.” he got so bad that he was vomitting blood. the only thing that helped was too feed them in different bowls facing away from each other and feed them 3 little piles a day. And now, no more pukes! (=

27 02 2011

One of our cats never properly chewed, gulping down all food in range asap. It sure wasn’t good for his lifespan/health.

23 03 2011

OMG this made me laugh! I can so identify! I wish though that my kitty was a considerate as yours. Her favorite place to hang out during the day is under the covers on my bed. You can probably guess where this is going… I didn’t notice she’d puked until I got into bed that night. Gross! Good thing she’s so cute and lovable.

5 06 2011
Laura JW

Just found your website. Found it by googling, “my cat is a jerk.” I was pleasantly surprised to find an entire blog devoted to exactly such a topic. I have two cats, and they are both jerks. I am also a jerk, so the three of us actually get along beautifully. At least most of the time.

I’m commenting, though, because I find cold cat puke to be more unpleasant to step in than warm cat puke. For some reason, I find it incredibly important that the internet comprehends my opinion on the matter.

Thanks for crating this site. I like it.

15 06 2011

Try spreading out her food on cookie sheets. This will force her to work harder to gobble down her food and slow her down.

You can also try freezing her soft food. Some cats won’t eat it frozen, some love it frozen, so this may not work. If it does, however, she won’t be able to gobble it all down quickly because it will take more time to tear apart.

Alternatively, yes, a raw diet helps.

22 06 2011

I know you might not actually get around to reading this, but my cat as the same problem, but only after she eats. What we do to cut down on the vomit, and the mess, is that we feed her away from the others cats so that she doesn’t feel like they are going to get the food. Usually we shut her up in the bathroom for ten minutes so she can eat…and if she does end up puking, it is on the tile and not anywhere else in the house. Hope it helps!

24 06 2011

I love the website and i can relate with the puking cat as well. My cat seemed to be puking just about every day for a while too. I think it has something to do with how much and how fast he eats.

I started mixing his canned food 50-50 with water which seemed to help. The water probably makes him feel full faster with less food. I also started feeding him Hill Prescription Diet D/T because he has kitty cavities. Surprisingly I think this food helped his tummy too. This food is made up of large chunks that he has to chew threw which cleans his teeth and also slows him down too.

6 11 2011

I agree with Jane – try feeding small amounts more frequently. You can even buy little automated bowls that will dispense food for her on a timer if you’re gone most of the day, and Pants has such a tiny appetite that she probably won’t even care if Jezebel eats her share when you’re gone. They might seem expensive but if they work you’ll probably save enough in paper towel sales to make it even out 😉

PS – It seems really unlikely, but my dog vomits every single time we give her cold water to drink. I seriously doubt that’s your problem but you never know!

@Marce, your comment comes off like a very long, condescending infomercial – especially due to your UNNECESSARY capitalizations for EMPHASIS which actually make it really hard to read. You would have had more impact with a few lines of very concise, polite and focused advice than a long, angry and judgmental rant. Just a thought.

8 12 2011

I have a cat who vomits too. Every day. We have two little piggy cats that eat & eat and.. eat. They don’t vomit. It goes straight to their bellies, and stays there. And I think Sasha is afraid that she won’t get any if she doesn’t eat first because of the other two, so she’ll pile it down to her stomach and vomit it up not too long after. Then either her or another one of the cats eats it (I personally enjoy this, less cleaning up I have to do). So it’s either she’s afraid she won’t be able to eat, or she’s bulimic and afraid she’ll get fat.

12 05 2013

Cats puking is NOT NORMAL. WTF guys. If it’s hairballs try cat grass. If it is genuine vomit then make sure they can’t access and eat toxic products around the house. Take your cats to a vet and check what’s wrong and what food hey can have without puking. Ration their portions if they scoff too much. Puking should cause pet owners concern. Have you ever consulted a vet?

17 12 2013

I Identify with this. I have a black bombay that throws up all the time. One thing to consider is food allergies. I did a comprehensive food allergy test at the vet which included the advanced tests. Winds up she is allergic to just about every commercial filler (wheat, corn, oats, rice etc). What was especially ironic is that the special Science Diet also had allergens in it. I eventually found a food that reduced how often but she still gets spells where she vomits several times a day.

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