Reason My Cat is a Jerk #26: She Pushes Things Off Flat Surfaces

10 07 2010

I don’t know why, but Jezebel cannot stand it when I leave something near the edge of a flat surface, like a pen, or a ring, or a dictionary, or her sister.

Double Trouble

Can. Not. Stand. It.

If she sees something she can move, she has to push it over the edge. (Bonus points if she can then push it under some heavy piece of furniture so I don’t find it again for months.) Pen? Check. Earplugs? On a daily basis. My shopping list? Right over the edge. One time she even pushed a lamp off the table (it was glass, and broke into a million pieces, and caused Pants to puff up to about twice her normal size from terror).

Maybe she likes to see things fall. Maybe she’s working on her own theories about gravity. Maybe she’s hoping it will shatter and she’ll have a thousand tiny new toys to play with. Maybe she just knows it will piss me off. Whatever it is, it’s like she cannot stop herself.

I know it’s not just my cats that do this either. I’ve heard from many of you that your cats do the same thing. There’s apparently something ingrained in their little feline brains that necessitates them to push objects off the flat surfaces. I wondered what it was for years and years.

But now I think I have finally figured out what that thing is. It’s straight-up jerkitude.

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31 responses

10 07 2010
Kaston

Hehe. I love these posts 🙂

11 07 2010
Jan

Funny, funny, funny stuff. Love it. And so true. My cat Pumpkin every so often, will make his way up to the top of my dresser and methodically move stuff off the edge. Seemingly, just to watch them fall. Every time he knocks something off the dresser he looks at me. Probably just to make sure I saw it.

Big Orange Jerk.

11 07 2010
Steff

I’m in stitches! Jezebel trruly is a jerk.
I know feline jerks, I live with four of them. Luckily, they have relatively little interest in seeing things fall off edges, maybe bar Shannon. If it is even remotely stick- shaped, it has to fall and then bee pushed (not dragged) around the house. If it is a Q- tip gathered from a full box of Q- tips, she’s in heaven. Which is happening about twice a week. Who designs Q- tip boxes? I want to ask him or her why they have to open so easily when pushed off a bathroom shelf.

13 07 2010
Sasha

I know the main reason my cat is a jerk (other than the list you have provided, of which he has committed every single despicable act): If there is something I need, or am working on, or just have sitting around, he HAS to sprawl all over it, effectively stopping me from cross-stitching, laundry, a DSi game, a book, even homework.

13 07 2010
JinxC

I have a cat that does this exact thing. My mom and her have gotten to the point where they’ll play “catch”. Holly will knock a lighter or w/e off the table, my mom will pick it up and put it back in the same spot. Holly will push it off the table, mom catches it and puts it back. This can continue for a while. LOL!

14 07 2010
Mac

my cat does the same thing like one time i was pouring orange juice and he just knocked it right of the table and it shatter and he just hauled ass to the luandry room
like as soon as it hit the ground he ran.its like he knows it will piss me off
but he was never a dick like he is now
We thought he was a girl the first 2 months we got him/her and right when we found out he was a dude,he turned in to the biggest DICK ever.
LOL!!!!

14 07 2010
Kerr

My cat thinks hes funny….Not only does he knock things off the table right in front of me while watching me like he KNOWS it’s pissing me off. But my cat has learned that my phone is my alarm clock in the morning, so EVERY night while I’m sleeping he will knock it off the table by my bed and hide it. I’m guessing it’s because he knows I will be leaving him for the day when the sound goes off, so he figures this is the only way he could stop me. (which has made me late to work on many occasions. >=p )
It has come to me having to tape my phone to the table every night so he cannot knock it off. Which still sometimes doesnt work……..EVIL cat.
I love him, but he’s like a child with an evil mind.

19 08 2010
Amy

My month kitten Saskia is the same breed as your cats and she is f*****g nuts.
Love her to bits but she really does drive me crazy from time to time.
I went out the other week to get her some food and toys and her bowl was empty, usually she would cry for me so I know to refill it up but this time she chewed open one of her sacks of cat biscuits and I was so angry because now her biscuits will go stale and will have poor quality.
Saskia has literally destroyed my cartins in my living room and has messed up the entire living room.
The first few weeks I had her she done a s**t on my hallway floor, she scratches my living room door and it drives me f*****g crackers during the night because I cannot sleep and I have supported living because I am a disabled person and there has been times where I have slept in when my carers were suppose to look after me.
I love my kitten to bits but yeah, she is a jerk too :p haha

3 09 2010
Mike

My cat does it too. Shes pushes everything that’s near the ditch. She broke about 5 glasses, 2 bowls, one of my cell phones and a tv remote. ):

19 09 2010
Amy

Damn!
Sorry to hear that Mikey )= lol

14 11 2010
k

My cat does that too! I think she’s the same kind as yours — kind of small for an adult cat and all shiny black. And a jerk! I used to have a big windowsill by my bed which sort of became a nightstand, at least until my cat decided NOTHING is permitted to be on the windowsill.

We had a good system for awhile, I’d leave her a space on the sill. If I didn’t she’s sit next to it and meow at me till I moved things for her. But then she got greedy and decided the whole thing was all hers and none of my things may rest upon it. If I dared to put anything there, she would push it off, usually directly onto me. She even knocked a glass of cold water onto me while I slept one night. She woke my boyfriend by throwing his cell phone onto his head because he had dared defile her sill space.

Everywhere we’ve moved she identifies certain flat surfaces that must be empty at all times.

17 11 2010
Photoelectric Smoke Detector

living rooms should be decorated with style that is why i always get some living room decoration idea on the internet ,'”

22 11 2010
Amie

My cats are jerks in every way you’ve described! I was surprised by their destructive nature because my parents have six cats and they do none of the above-except maybe a knocking down of a pen or two. My cats also know full-well they are not to be on the kitchen counters but of course, no rules apply to them. I will yell at them to get down and clap to no avail but the moment they hear me uncomfy myself and stand up from the couch they jump down. Bastards!

21 02 2011
Nyssa

My cats have never pushed expensive/breakable things off of ledges. Well, Luigi doesn’t push things off ledges at all really. I think she’s just fat and lazy. But Hestia LOVES it. There’s so much stuff on the floor between my wall and my bed that she’s knocked off (seemingly just for the lulz) and I’ve been too lazy to recover, haha. I love hearing stories from other people about how their cats do the same things as mine!

23 02 2011
Molly

wow that sucks, my cat is a jerk because he attacks me while in sleeping or just sitting there, well anytime really. so im getting him de-clawed >:)

4 03 2011
Averne

My cat takes special satisfaction in staring straight at me while he pushes some of my prized knick-knacks off shelves, tables, and counters. He sits down, stares at me, pushes an object once or twice until I tell him, “NO!” Then he collects himself, waits a few seconds, and pushes some more, staring me down in defiance. I yell, “NO!” again, he stares at me some more, tries for the final swipe that will end in my favorite tea cup shattered on the floor, but finds himself scooped up and drenched in water instead. Then a few minutes later, we start all over again.

P.S. Found your blog through StumbleUpon. Love it!

29 03 2011
Jill

My cat does the same thing. My favorite (or rather, most unfavorite) incident was when she started batting a champagne glass off and I yelled at her. She stopped, looked at me, and swiped it off the edge of my end table while never breaking eye contact. This goes along great with her putting stuff in the toilet habit. Sigh.

1 06 2011
Jecca

My kitten Rosie loves to climb up on things and steal my stuff. She steals rings, bits of paper, coins, nail clippers, plug covers, and really anything small and that makes sound when on the wooden floor. If we come after her to get it, she picks it up and runs to hide it under a living room recliner. My cat Sammy doesn’t particularly like to knock anything off tables (except full glasses of water), but he does regularly use his super long tail to clear tables for us. He just walks past the coffee table, tail up and curved over the top, and pulls everything down. He’ll then turn around and look at the mess as if to say “oh! did I do that?” Jerk!

3 06 2011
Katja

Love your blog. This stuff is so hilarious and I think so many people can relate. My tuxedo cat, Monty, also like pushing things off stuff. He generally does this while I am watching. He does the ‘huge pupils, I am a good kitty’ eyes very well while pushing whatever the item is at that time off.
He once pushed down a raw egg off the kitchen counter (he loves eggs) and proceeded to eat the egg afterwards. Success.

21 07 2011
kylie

i think it’s a black cat thing. Kattie never fails to swipe anything fragile off of higher up surfaces. he knows he is doing something wrong because as soon as i move or have something to say about it, the little shit is across the house and hiding. gonna start gluing everything down..

22 07 2011
Stephanie

I agree with Kylie! I was once housesitting for my sister and that included taking care of her cat Louis, and he is basically a fat version of Pants. I had their spare house key so I could check up on him. I would come in and set the key on the table next to the door. The second Louis noticed it, he was on that table and bap! The key was on the floor! The second time the jerk did it, the key fell into the air vent on the floor! He did it on purpose, I know it.

24 07 2011
Fred

Dude, your cat is not a jerk. She’s a scientist! She’s just wants to be SURE that gravity is still working like it did the last time.

28 07 2011
Nessa

Not just a black cat thing. My orange tabby, McGee, is particularly fond of finding glasses of liquid an tipping them over/off with his paw. He tipped a full soda can onto my roommates computer tower before and killed the whole thing, which I ended up paying for of course!

My black cat, Kiki, is the sweetest cat in existence to me at least until I leave her alone for more than a day. She has to snub me for a period of time before I beg for forgiveness or have been punished long enough.

I agree with Fred. It’s either that or they think high places are for cats, not your crap. I am so glad that my cats are not assholes all the time. 😛

5 01 2012
bon

My cat Gabe, an orange tabby, knocks things off one by one and each time he looks down at the object and then looks at me. He pushes pictures on the wall and they build up momentum and swing back and forth. He is a real character, but I can’t characterize his as a jerk because he’s my sweetest tabby ever. ha ha

5 04 2012
Guest

My cat goes after full cups or soda cans mostly, this usually happens when we leave her alone in a room she will cry then go ahead and knock things over.

1 06 2012
Adah

My cat does that too.. She pushes everything off my bedside table every night and small things in tables. I need to pick them up every single morning an sometimes she wakes me up during the night even she tried to be sneaky..is there any way to stop it? I got angry at her a few times but doesn’t seem working…

6 07 2012
HeyNineteen (@urineorurout)

HAHAHAHAHA! My cat Wilson firmly believes he was put on this earth to police all its flat surfaces and make certain they stay clear . He fears no junk mail, potted plant, beverage or laundry I spent all morning folding and had yet to put away. And he’s so proud of his efforts too, looks me right in the eye while knocking my freshly poured glass of Coke off the edge of the coffee table then comes over to me for a congratulatory hug, beaming with pride. What really irks me is that after he does it so many times, I can’t even complain about it to anyone because I’m the idiot that should have known better.

16 08 2012
Jus

Omg I can’t stop laughing at your posts – hilarious!!! And btw my cat does the same thing – pushing lamps n stuff off flat surfaces. I don’t understand it either. They r such strange lil creatures 😉

16 08 2012
bon

Gabe does it either for food or for attention/playing….they are a delight and only cats could get away with this behavior….if people did it we would have to commit them. ha ha ha

30 03 2013
tashavanity

My cat does this to, he always knock things of my dresser in the night before i go to bed and in the morning. I’ve lost some stuf.. i have a little garbage bin by my dresser and he always finds a way to knock stuff in there. When I get out of bed ti pick up the stuff that he dropped, he runs of and hide under my sheets. Oh and if im not looking when he is about to knock something off he will meow non stop till i turb around and look at him.. lol so my solution was to push stuff back and just live with it xP

10 08 2013
Carlyn

When cats know things over it usually means they want to play or get attention. They know that mom/dad will come running at the sound of the crash. Just play with them more. 🙂

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