Reason My Cat is a Jerk #8: She Destroyed My Chair

6 12 2008

Once upon a time, I bought a chair. It was tan and a little stained and highly worn, but it was $40, and I saw potential to turn it into a sweet piece of furniture.

Then we got cats.

At first, we let the cats sit on the chair, and it quickly became Pants’ favorite spot. But when my friend moved into her new house, she found that the old owners had left behind a hideous pair of curtains- hideous curtains that I knew would make a really awesome upholstery fabric. They had a kind of Sound of Music thing going on—old-fashioned green and gold brocade. I stole them from my friend and brought them home to my husband, who randomly knows how to upholster furniture, to make my chair into the stunning piece I knew it was meant to be.

That’s when Pants got pissed. You can see just the evil and the hatred in her glowing eyes:

All of sudden, it didn’t smell like her chair. It didn’t feel like her chair. She wasn’t allowed to sit in her chair anymore, because we didn’t want her hair and her tiny razor-claws all over it. So naturally, she began to shred it.

See the holes she immediately put into my lovely new chair? That’s not the worst part; this is just what I was willing to uncover long enough to photograph. She tore holes in the back and the top too.

As soon as we started to notice that she was destroying it, staring at us with an evil gleam in her eyes all the while, we covered the chair with towels and moved it into the bedroom. That didn’t stop her. No, obviously, that only made her more determined. We would come home from work to see the towels yanked off, fresh claw marks underneath. It was like she was mocking us. We would pile the towels with pillows, and wrap the whole thing in blankets, but she would find a way in.

Here’s what it looks like now.

So far, she hasn’t been able to untie the strings I used to secure the fabric, but I can tell she’s formulating a plan.

We finally gave up. The chair isn’t even finished, but we are completely unmotivated to do the job, because we know we can never have it displayed in our apartment anyway, not with Shredder here. Some sweet day, I tell myself, I will have lovely furniture. Until then, all I’ve got is my stupid jerks.




13 responses

9 12 2008

That is (going to be) a seriously beautiful chair! Recycling old curtains! Brilliant!

11 12 2008
sandy mastroni

Ha ha ha ha
I know …. I know . I know this frustration and pain !
I feel bad about your chair .
I’m laughing because I understand
I can’t wait to read your other stories
come visit my blog … I’m giving away a cat bookmark
I found you through Rebecca’s blog

21 05 2009

Honestly You are the Jerks-lol To put up with that damage, I divorced my wife for doing the same things. I am weighing a difficult decision, I was given an adorable de-clawed male. He pukes about every 9 days because he gulps his food down. He will not stop sitting on the dining room table-I find pets at or on a table intolerable as well as unhealthy. I have COPD a recent anomaly (65) and the Dr thinks it may be aggravated by the cat. My face is broken out ever since LG came to live with me 2 years ago. He is now hiding because I shot a jet of water from a water gun at him while he was on the table, and said ‘Bad Cat-No”. Well I think this weekend marks the end of my cat living here. He is an alpha male and will chew on any other cat, so giving him away has been hard, the adoption facility can’t take him they have rules too. So the local pound or euthanasia is my only alternatives. If anyone lives in Palm Beach County and wants him, write a comment and a website I can contact you at. PLEASE No -awe shucks keep him comments-my decision is final. 5/21/09

19 05 2010
Reason My Cat is a Jerk #24: She Welcomes Me Home With Hatred « My Cat is a Jerk

[…] Reason My Cat is a Jerk #24: She Welcomes Me Home With Hatred 19 05 2010 Remember how I had a chair that I loved that Pants ripped to shreds? […]

11 03 2011

I had a really nice queen sleeper couch…then my cat peed all over it…now everytime we leave the house, we prop all of the cushions up and stuff throw pillows in every crack then cover it with multiple throws so he has no way of even touching the couch.

19 06 2011

I have three cats and (of course) had the exact same problem. Several destroyed pieces of furniture later, I finally had to ask a vet what the hell I should do. There’s this stuff called “Feliway,” and when it is sprayed on furniture, the cats seem to stay away. Well, they’ll still leave cat hair all over the furniture but they seem less intent on destroying it. Look it up, it may just help you out.

6 07 2012
HeyNineteen (@urineorurout)

OMG! Not 10ft in front of me sits what used to be a rattan chair like something out of the Ralph Lauren New England collection. Two years with two cats and Fred Sanford wouldn’t have it.

28 08 2012
Courtney dv

My cat destroyed furniture too but instead of declawing, which I do not believe it, I put these things on him called Soft claws. They’re like fake nail caps for cats, I was so doubtful at first b/c it is a struggle to cut my cats nails but if you get two people, one to hold the cat and retract their nails and another to put the glue in and put the nail cap on, its not that hard. My cat doesn’t even notice them and no more destroyed furniture for me 🙂

Here’s the website (you can buy them at most pet stores I think)

24 11 2012

Dit is de eerste keer dat ik Reason My Cat is a Jerk #8: She Destroyed My Chair My Cat is a Jerk open en ik
ben prettig verrast door de samenhang die het artikel behelst omtrent scarsdale dieet.

9 05 2013
rosenrod virkning

Good info. Lucky me I found your blog by accident (stumbleupon).
I’ve saved as a favorite for later!

4 06 2013
CHI Flat Iron

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