As much as I love my jerks, I want this to be a blog about all the cat jerks out there. Tell me about the jerky things your cat does, and you might get featured here! Leave a comment below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Not only do I have 2 jerk cats, but a jerk dog too. I have a cat, kitten and dog. Well obviously, they are all on different foods. The dog(she), will eat anything lying on the floor thats food. The cat(he) wants the kitten(she) food, and the kitten wants the cat food. I can’t win. At least until the kitten is old enough for regular food. Not to mention, the kitten(LucySky Diamond) scrapes at her food like it’s poop and she wants nothing to do with it, then proceeds to go to the cat(Bam Bam)’s food. I come down for water at night to catch the dog(Queenie) eating the kitten food. It’s an ongoing process. Then there’s the fact that Bam Bam refuses to drink water from a bowl. He will only drink it from a cup. So what happens to my water which sits on my nightstand? I wake up to it splashed all over me. 2 reasons Bam Bam is a total jerk. They are all jerks in their ways. LucySky is afraid of hands. Which makes it diffucult to pet her, because she will whine and meow and go crazy until you pet her, then flinch from your hand. She also LOVES to “cuddle” while your sleeping. She will meow, and lick your chin, nose, ears and when you don’t respond she will begen to bite them really hard. She meows loudly and rubs against you. All at 4 in the morning. Jerk. Like to feel a breeze through the winow? Forget it. LucySky will climb up any screen left unattended. Leaving holes and claw marks. Jerky jerk. Want to cuddle? Nope. Bam Bam wants nothing to do with me. He’ll lay with me once a day if I’m lucky for his nightly belly rub. Then ignores me the rest of the day. Jerk. Leave the house for 10 minutes to go to the store and leave the dog inside? Forget it. She’ll pee and poop as much as possible in that 10 minutes, even if I just took her out and watched her do both before leaving. Royal Jerk. I have many many many other reasons my cats are jerks, but it would take all night to type!
This is totally not a “my cat is a jerk” story. Don’t get me wrong, she is a huge jerk, but it would take too long to write about it here.
I just wanted to say that this is the most awesome blog I have come across in months. Every single story you have written is something I could have told myself. It’s like I’ve found my long, lost soul mate. I can’t wait to read more!
Aw, thanks Megan! Jerkmeisters unite!
My mother’s cat is the jerk from hell. Why is it only the female cats that treat us like slaves? My mother’s cat, Sonya, likes to leave a nice big turd in the tub every morning, afternoon, and night. By the end of the day we have three lovely turds covering different areas of the bathtub. Some are so hard to remove that I’ll be on my hands and knees scrubbing away for a good half hour.
I once tried to stop her from pooing in the tub, and in revenge, she left a nice surprise on the door mat. It couldn’t be saved, so the perfectly nice-new mat had to be trashed. Not only does she like to throw up hairballs and food on my bed in particular (I once woke up in the middle of the night to find vomit all over my hand… good fun), she loves stepping all over me in wee hours of the morning.
And also the HAIR. She finds ways to shed all her hairs onto all my clothes by exploring the closet and drawers. So much of my money and time has been wasted on lint rollers.
After all this she still expects and craves attention from me.
I present to you, the ultimate queen jerk. My mother’s cat from hell, Sonya.
My cat Lady is the opposite of Lady-like.
Since she is an indoor kitty, we like to let her view the outside world on our window sills.
Also, since she is an indoor kitty, she resents the hell out of us for taunting her in such ways, and therefore insists upon shredding our window screens. We can no longer pull the blinds up (only so much as to graze the top of her evil head) far…if we do, she JUMPS and clamps her claws at the very top of the screen, letting gravity do the dirty work as she rips it to shreds on her way down.
She also will never let anyone hold her for more than three seconds. If you try this, I suggest you wear a fencing mask because she goes straight for the eyeballs with her claws.
Most recently, she’s been on a chewing rampage. Lock up your shoes, headphone cords, anything that is long and string-like! She’s ruined about 6 pairs of shoes, 3 pairs of headphones, and endless ribbon-wrapped presents with her jerky jaws. You figure she’d just chew the ends off, right? Not for this jerk! She prefers to chew RIGHT at the knot, or base of the lace. So you can’t tie your shoes and must resort to new laces. Most recently she’s chewed my bikini top string, from BOTH ends, cutting off about 6 inches. It no longer ties around my back and I have yet to find a replacement.
Oh, I could go on, but I’ll stop. Like another said, I feel like I found a soulmate of frustration!
I love this blog. I have a big, orange Jerk named Pumpkin. He had the name when I adopted him when he was 2 yrs old. He’s now nearly 7. He’s very cute, but he’s a jerk. As I type this, he’s clawing at my office chair. oh wait, now he’s jumped onto my computer table and is sitting in front of my computer screen. This is an ongoing thing. He doesn’t get on the computer table, until I try to use the computer. Jerk.
Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you to keep this blog up. Its great.
My jerk cats thinks it is great to sharpen his claws on my LEATHER sofa. Although there are 4 special catnip-laced scratching logs about the house, he would rather sharpen on the sofa. JERK. Lucky he likes to cuddle so I don’t stay mad for long.
I have 2 jerks of all jerks- Chloe and Smokey…yup, just like you, I was tricked into caring for them because they were so cute and cuddly and well-behaved. NOW?!? 1 yr later- I am in a carpet shredding, unrine soaked, let me pee on the wall and leave hair all over everything HELL! Last night I came home to a new spot where they are peeing because the other strip of carpet must have been too urine-soaked for them(roll eye) and as I am yelling at them to stop it Smokey very defiantly cops a squat and relieves himself in the new spot right in front of me. You would think I didn’t provide them with a litter box that is cleaned every day!
My Roo is a jerk because she messes with my jewelery and has lost my the pair to my favorite earring and a necklace. She has refused to give them back. She likes to leave a turd outside her litter box now and then, but I noticed its when she’s on a digging rampage, like she’s letting out all of her frustration in the box! Jerk! Give me my earring back!
Update: Roo gave me my earring back this morning! Left it right where I would see it when I woke up. Thanks! You’re still a jerk for other things, though
My jerk of a cat decided to chew through the cord of my headphones… twice. Still trying to figure out why she doesn’t want me to listed to my iPod…
Then, last night, she decided to dispel the entire contents of her stomach onto my comforter. Because I apparently love scraping cat barf off my BED.
AHH that little jerk….
I have a tiger cat, Cosette that is 14 yr old, Annaelise who is 15 years old-1/2 Siamese/1/2 Shorthair, a Jack Russell, Mia Grace who is over 1 yr and two new ragdoll kittens, Mukluk(seal mitted) and Wellington(Wellies)-both named after boots, who joined us around Christmas.By the way, Wellies is a creme point. Are they, this managerie of furry beasts, jerks?? Oh yes, in many ways! Annie kneads my head at night, starting around 3 a.m. and doesnt stop purring until around 4:30 a.m. She then spends the rest of the night in the downstairs family room, collecting old leaves from all the plants, howling in this high-pitched ancient meow over all her conquests-she then deposits these dried up conquests at the top of the stairs and proceeds to pee all over the house in various places-the wood on the front closet is warped and peeling from cleaning it-she also pees against the living room wall-that has yellow spots from cleaning so much-and yes, she also leaves me a puddle under my desk in my room, before returning to our bed to hassle us to feed her in the morning. Cosette, on the other hand attacks Annie whenever we arent looking and looks at us like”Who me-I would never attack another feline!” when she is corrected. She also catterwauls at exactly 4 a.m. to be let out on the front porch-if you dont get up, she pulls your hair out from the roots until you do! Mias greatest adventure everyday is chasing Cosette around and harassing her until she hisses back and bares her teeth. This can go on for hours ad nauseum. The kittens? They leap across the room at the speed of sound and land on top of each others backs-all the while messing up the nice clean room you just painstakingly cleaned for the last 1/2 hour and spreading their Swheatscoop litter under every imaginanable surface in the 2 rooms surrounding it. Then, when Annaelise does her usual gross puking after ingesting one of her too quickly-eaten dinners, they both race to see who will be first to lick up the puke while i am running around trying to find the rag and disinfectant to clean up. They, then proceed to go to my room and claw at the suitcases in my closet and my bedspread, these very expensive, $650 kittens, who, by the way, were socialized by the breeder not to do all the above!! And after they terrorize the house and I go to put them back in their special cat nursery, they purr and act affectionate towards me for that little scoop of wet food I give them when they go back.We like to think our pets dont just want us for the food and the goodies, but, hey-we know better guys!! Nonetheless, I love all their crazy quirks and bad habits and put up with all the cleaning and sleepless nights, because, after all, I’d rather sometimes, spend my time with a feline or canine much more than a human!! I gotta have my furry beasts!!Amen.
These comments are priceless. But we are not alone. Dogs are jerks too. Check this post out.
We have two jerks who torment us by body-slamming each other around our apartment, crashing into things and gradually destroying everything we own. One of their favorite games is Testing the Theory of Gravity: they will find the one new object on any table or shelf and poke it until… it crashes to the floor and breaks! It’s more fun for them each time. Our place is “minimalist” because most of our decorating decisions revolve around our need to keep all surfaces as clear of objects as possible. They also either sleep in our bed, taking up all the room, or they hurl themselves repeatedly into our bedroom door, trying to break it down, while screaming. In the morning, they scream in our faces, knock things down, and stampede across our heads until we give in and feed them. Most recently, they gouged a giant scratch in the top of our brand new, expensive kitchen table. They are total jerks who must be stopped.
My cat Max Powers a big gray, muscular, feisty jerk. He may look super cute and cuddly but that’s how he lures you in so he can scratch and bite you. If you’ve petted him for longer than he cares for…BITE; walking past him too close….BITE; his morning wake up to me as I walk to the bathroom is…BITE; moving anything in his general sleeping area….BITE. He is obsessed with feet, legs, food/snacks, and licking my face. To combat his biting the only thing that works is to squirt him with a water-filled bottle when he’s about to pounce his sharp teeth or claws at me or his feline sister, Sox.
He is definitely a cat with an attitude, but darn it I love him.
P.S. Love this blog, it’s too funny
I was an innocent victim of a very cute fluffy persian kitten. Now the jerk thinks he owns the stairway. He won’t get out from under your feet and starts to chase you. Like he owns the place. Jerk. He meows at the exact moment my 9 month old and 2 year old sons both fall asleep. Stupid jerk. Then he feels welcome to cuddle at my feet when I go to sleep. Not only is our cat a jerk, but our dog is too. Jerkdom in Germany. Fantastic.
Oh, and we laughed so hard at this blog….the best ever.
When I say Jerk I also mean…”mean”
1. you can’t hold him and pet him
2. he bits my and anyones feet if they are on “his” ottoman ( I have a video)
3. he pet him more that 3 times he bits
4. he will only sleep with us when we are alseep, & its always between my legs
5. He squeezes his last poop outside the box, at least once a month
6. Still scratches our couches, chairs and mattress
7. He bits & scratches
8. he may be bi-polar
Hey. I had a feeling that most cats were jerks. I googled it. Yup. Thanks for the site.
My jerky cat Otto the Big Chunkuda (rest his naughty soul) was something. He had a weird case of pica. Loved to eat, or chew on plastic bags, so of course the garbage would knock over. He loved leather shoelaces, purse straps- went through at least 5, but his fave?? Sweaters. He chewed holes in every sweater I owned one winter.
Another favorite thing he’d do to be jerky? Bite my ankles if I walked near him. If he didn’t succeed he’d chase me. One time while running from him, I went to run into the bathroom, and kicked the doorway on my way in and broke 2 toes.
He passed away almost 6 years ago from bone cancer, and the thoughts of the jerky things he did make me giggle and make good stories now!!
I LOVE this blog and I hope it keeps going!!
The one main thing my current cat Shama did that was totally jerktastic was done before we got him neutered. He went into my sons ball pit in his room and peed. Nothing like having to clean cat pee off 150 baseball sized balls. Thankfully my mother in law thought 100 wasn’t enough so she had gotten the extra 50 pack. lol He also likes to try to be alpha cat and walk in front of anyone, slowly. And for whatever reason, there’s no way to get around him!
My female Meep likes to get on my chest anytime between 2-4 am and start yelling at me for attention. She also had to wear a dog sweater for about a year because she kept digging at a huge sore on her neck, and it was the only thing that would work to make her stop. Once it was just about healed, she’d somehow get naked and start digging all over again!! Ugh!
My cats are jerks too! I have two, Maggie and Phoebe. Maggie is the older, wiser, snottier one. She cannot keep herself off the kitchen countertops and entices my 2 year old daughter up there with her all the time. She only weighs 7 lbs, yet eats like she’s a bottomless pit. She is constantly scavenging for food on the floor after the kids eat dinner, on dishes we leave soaking in the sink, it’s ridiculous! We’ve had her 10 years and until year 9, she was completely mute. Suddenly, sometime last year, she found her voice and throughout the night will wander room to room waking us all up with her “singing”. Jerk.
Phoebe might be even worse. First, she’s TWICE Maggie’s size and uses this to her advantage. On numerous occasions I have found her perched silently on the back of the couch waiting for Maggie’s approach. Once Maggie’s within range, she will launch herself off the couch and body slam her into the ground. A long, drawn-out, loud and destructive (if you have a leather couch and cats that like to run across it, you know what I mean) cat fight ensues. Phoebe is also the keeper of the communal water and food supply. We’ve had to move Maggie’s food and water up onto the refrigerator because it’s the only place that Maggie can get and Phoebe (and her fat cat ass) can’t. Phoebe has been known to sit for hours guarding the goods and preventing Maggie from eating or drinking anything. And another thing, she leaves me random “presents” that belong in the litter box as well. It seems like she means well – she usually starts to poop in the box, but saves one little nugget just for me, which she deposits on the bath mat in front of the shower. She then tries to bury it, which balls the bath mat up into a rumpled mess. What the!? Other randoms: The night before we left for our honeymoon she peed all over our brand new (wedding present) down comforter. On our way to the airport we had to stop at the dry cleaner; she has imaginary hairballs which she tries to cough up several times a night; she hisses at the kids when they get within 5 feet of her as though she hasn’t lived with them every day for the last five years; I really could go on and on. As I write this she’s at the foot of my bed hacking at her fake hairball and glaring at me. Why do I love her so?
Anyway, great blog – cat lovers everywhere are sure to enjoy it
My cat , Latte,is too, a jerk. My sleepy time: 12:00am to 7:00am. Her sleepy time: 7:am to 4:30am. Seriously? Can’t you stay up while I’m watching tv. It’s called quality time, you little jerk. Must I spend every morning from 4:30 to 7:00 feeding you and yelling at you and chasing you around the house? Until you finally lay back down and go to sleep. Five minuets before my alarm clock goes off. Maybe you should have to go to work with only 4 hours of sleep every day. Oh, and another thing. I know that you must feel bad that I have to throw away at least 50 Victoria’s Secret catalogs every month. I know that you are angry over all this extra work and you are trying to show your support. But, please, stop peeing on every one that I bring into the house. They aren’t getting the message. And maybe, someday, I might actually want to look at one of them. Miss Jerkypants.
My cat Dr. Bob is a total jerk. We got him as a teeny kitten and thought it would be super cute to have one of those combined food/water dishes. He insisted on placing half of his dry food into the water every chance he’d get. So we placed 2 separate bowls out, 1 for food and 1 for water, guess where his food ends up? It doesn’t matter if the bowls are on opposite sides of the room! (don’t worry about kitty dehydration- since day 1 he’s insisted on only drinking out of the dogs water bowl, we’ve tried and failed numerous times to fix that issue.) Lately, his new obsession has been not only putting most of his food in his water dish, but also covering the surrounding floor area with food. I’ve gotta say, walking on crunchy bits of cat food at 6am is not my idea of a great way to start the day.
My cat is a TOTAL jerk. She’s 20 years old, and the older she gets, the jerkier she gets. We’re convinced she will outlive us all. She does many different jerky things, but she has one jerk move in particular that really gets under our skin. Her litter box is in the laundry room, and the door has to stay closed so the dogs don’t get into it. Well, instead of jumping through the always open window to get into the laundry room, she instead pees all over the floor directly underneath the window. Now, most people say, “Emily, she’s old, she can’t jump that high anymore.” On the contrary, my friends, because when she’s IN the laundry room, she has no problem jumping through the window to get OUT. Major jerk.
I have four Jerks.
A fat lazy tom (the only male, but doesn’t seem to think he’s male). He thinks he’s a dog, constantly demands to play fetch (in a small flat it means one throw every 15 seconds. He refuses to play this outside.).
A black-and-white mog who carries her ‘blankie’ round in her mouth shouting & complaining loudly exactly at the moment you least want her to, usually around 4am, and who can open doors – any doors – by jumping up, grabbing the handle and using her substantial weight to pull it down – cannot keep her out of anywhere!
A black half-persian who likes to lick eyes – an unpleasant way to wake up – and craps in the bathroom sink at whim.
A tortoise-shell, who at the age of 8 weeks earnt the name ” Cooking Fat” (transpose the capitals), by hiding on top of doors/curtain rails to ambush people, launching from the top of the wardrobe directly on to my (previously sleeping) belly, climbing up me from feet to shoulder at high speed – whether I was clothed or not. She allows people to stroke her & lulls them into a false sense of security, when she will grab the unsuspecting hand with teeth and all claws, attatching herself with the strength of duct-tape. Leaves me gifts – not a whole bird, but a leg with a bit of something messy attached (I’m veggie), not a whole frog, just it’s head. Not a leaf, but the remains of a freshly planted flowerbed. Attacks dogs – including a 15stone japanese Akita, she swiped his nose & ran away before he realised what had happened!
I can’t get from room to room without being tripped by kamikaze cats circling my feet (great fun – I’m disabled, it’s like tipping over a tortoise!)
When I’ve just cleaned my car (pure white vintage beetle) they choose that moment to walk through mud and straight across the roof leaving perfect paw-prints.
When trying to fix my desktop pc, I discovered an entire cats-worth of hair inside the casing – I suspect they gang up at night and thread hairs one by one through the vents.
Between them, they leave no wall unscratched, no sofa unshredded, No rug un-vommed-on (cleverly avoiding the expanse of easy-clean wood floor), no clothing unfurred, no toilet roll unravelled.
But they do keep my feet warm in winter.
My cat is not only a jerk, I think he is trying to murder me. When I first wake up in the morning and go down the stairs, he will stand on each stair until I either kick him or trip over him, one of us ends up flying down the stairs.
I have a habit of putting a foot over the edge of the bed when I’m sleeping…my cat has a habit of attacking said foot. I wouldn’t trade my cat for the world though!
p.s. Love the blog! keep it up!
I’ve got 3 jerkhole cats myself.
Two are brothers, and not only are they COLOSSAL jerks, but they’re stupid to boot. One of them, Verdell, likes to drag away people’s dirty clothing (out of baskets, bags, the open dryer, etc) so he can masturbate on them. He also thinks he’s a dog, and overeats anytime food is set into the dish. He then throws up whatever he couldn’t digest onto the nice Oriental carpet in the living room, which effectively hides cat vomit until you step in it doing a victory dance when the Sox win a game. Jerk.
Vance, the other brother, has serious social issues, which has turned him into an even bigger jerk than he was when we first got the two. He’s afraid of everyone else in the house, except for me. This means that he will not associate with anyone until I’m the only one awake, and then he sets up camp around my legs while I’m trying to check my email. He’s also whining the entire time, in this weird, scraggly sounding voice that makes one wonder if he’s got something lodged in there. He’s given himself joint problems from crouching in hiding spots all day. He dislikes company so much he drops a turd within an hour of their arrival. And he loves to leave orange hair all over my bed and clothing. Jerk.
Then there’s Vivian.
She’s a runt. She was a stray runt when we got her and she never grew to full cat size. But she rules the roost. She beats up the two brothers for invading her Personal Space Bubble, and will only willingly eat kitty breath mints. But even after devouring several breath mints, she’s still got halitosis to clear out a high school auditorium. She doesn’t like you until you’re petting another cat, and then she gets jealous and claims her humans by sitting on them just out of arm’s reach. She thinks my parents’ bed is hers, and is very upset that my parents have the audacity to invade it. As revenge, she sleeps on my dad’s butt. She has also exacted revenge for not being allowed to sunbathe in the window by chewing on the blinds. Jerk.
I have only recently discovered your blog, and I love it! Finally, someone else who both loves and trash talks her cat!
My cat, Sunshine, is a jerk and all of my friends agree. (Btw, he came to me with that ridiculous name. Maybe he deserves a pansy name as punishment being a bastard.)
Examples of asshole behavior:
1) I got a sample of cat treats from the vet. She told me that these are the only treats that really and truly do something to help clean teeth. Sunshine LOVED the treats! So, even though they are expensive and I’m a grad student, I bought him a bag of treats. He refuses to eat them now.
2) If he sits in your lap, he will claw you. He’s not even kneading. He just sits there, sheathing and unsheathing his claws in you. Gently removing his claws or exclaiming “Ouch, you stupid cat! Stop!” does not deter him.
3) He has hated every pet bed I have ever bought him. He prefers my favorite outdoor welcome mat that has an adorable squirrel on it. He has made the dirty thing his bed and scratching
4) I came home one day to find that he had vomited on the curtains, his cat tree, his litterbox, the concrete wall, and four times on the floor. The cause: he’d eaten his cat treats too quickly.
5) The Kicker: One night, he went crazy. He threw up, scratched in the litter box without making a deposit, ran from one end of the apartment to the other, scratched at the floors, and started panting. The vet recommended I take him in because all of his behaviors were unusual for him, not to mention cats generally don’t pant. As soon as Sunshine got to the vet, he calmed down and was happy as a clam. The vet told me that my cat was bored. That emergency vet visit cost me nearly $200
My cat is a total jerk! My cat London also could care less about me and just runs to my boyfriend all the time. I feed her, pet her, and all she wants is him. She is mean to my wonderful sweet Bubu (my pitbull). She beats him up for his food (only wants his food not hers) beats him up because he is in the way, she is just a total jerk. She also acts like she doesn’t know me when i get back from vacation!! I tell you, these jerk cats suck! LOL
My roommate’s cat is a total jerk. He terrorizes my dog and claws him until he bleeds. He knows I absolutely lose it when he claws on the couch (which is now ruined). He only shreds it when I am in the room and he knows I am watching him. If I am in my bedroom then he is clawing the boxspring. If I am in the kitchen he is clawing the dishtowels. He only does this where I am so that he can intentionally irritate me to tears. I have tried spraying him with a water bottle, but unfortunately he will only drink water from sources other than his dish so this punishment turned out to be a plus for him. He drinks from my glass and dips his paws in if I am not watching carefully. I refuse to drink out of a glass that has had cat paws in it, mainly because i know where those paws have been. He plays with his toys in the bathroom and religiously loses them in the toilet every morning. His meows at 4am sound like a car alarm. He usually does this because my roommate works nights and there is not one else to annoy. He is never allowed to come in my room when I am sleeping or studying because he attacks and bites my feet when they are under the covers. He does all this while looking at me, just to make sure I am paying attention. Recently he has learned to open doors so even when I think I am safe, I am not. This cat is the biggest animal jerk i have ever encountered.
Thanks for the outlet. I was about to lose it again.
My cat is a HUGE jerk. I can relate on many levels to you and yours. Here are a few things Kala (aka SATAN) does that’s a bit jerky in my opinion:
1) She is black, but her undercoat is silver, so anything I have that is white/light gets covered in black cat hair, and everything that is black/dark, gets covered in her undercoat. EVERYTHING is covered in hair. (btw, she’s long haired )
2) She too likes drawers, so all my socks AND underwear are covered in cat hair because I can’t keep her out of them when I’m getting ready in the morning.
3) I’ve had to use museum putty to glue many things down in the apartment, including her water bowl that she likes to tip so it makes a glug-glug noise and then throw it across the room when it’s empty.
4) She only eats 7 flavours of Friskies (cheap crap) and anything I buy her that looks like real meat, she turns her nose up at, or! eats it and pukes it up (bought her a nice can of fancy feast that looked good enough for me to eat and she proceeded to snarf it down only to have me wake up to a giant puddle of regurged fancy feast on my long shag carpet (RIP carpet…had to toss it and buy something with shorter shag)).
5) She kneeds my bladder (with claws) about an hour before my alarm actually goes off, causing me to have to get up and pee and not be able to go back to sleep.
6) She hits me in the face repeatedly (to the point where I have to bury myself under a blanket or pillow with no gaps/holes where she can get her paw into or she will stick it in and still try to hit me) when the alarm goes off in the morning.
7) Everything in the apartment is hers to destroy. My NEW couch is clawed to hell (thank god I can buy a new cover when the time comes). My desk chair (leather) is destroyed because she likes to climb it like a monkey. My 800 thread count sheets on one corner where she likes to latch on and stretch before jumping in the bed. My laptop computer which she feels the need to sit on, open or closed, and when open, has proceeded to pick off 5 keys, which I have yet to replace. Anything that is small enough to be tipped or pushed, is thrown on the floor, regardless of it’s breakability. She will walk along surfaces and just push things off onto the floor and watch them fall over the side and look down at it like “Hmm…not what I expected to happen.” or “Why aren’t you picking it up so I can do it again?”
8) Nothing is off limits. I tried to make the kitchen counter a no-no, but that falls on deaf ears. She knows she’s not allowed there, and when she hears me start to get up, she will jump down because she knows this, but I can shout and scream and throw stuff at her and she will look at me in the face like *I’M* the jerk! I have to start to get up, she will get down, and then when I sit back down, she will jump back up…lather, rinse, repeat. At least I get a work out I spose!
9) Pens. In use or simply sitting on the desk, they are her favourite. I cannot write a check or a letter or sign a document without the pen getting swatted out and fought over. (Pen jar on desk glued down with museum putty too…)
10) I apparently am a bathtub. She jumps up, gets all cozy and lovey, and I think “awwww” and then she lifts leg and proceeds to lick her crotch as well as the rest of her until she is sopping wet, missing on occasion and soaking me as well from repeatedly licking my clothing.
11) She tips over trash cans (mostly full of paper next to the desk) and proceeds to pull every scrap out of it so she can crawl in and take a nap.
12) I too sew (needlepoint) and have had to resort to doing so at work on my lunch break when I decide to make something for someone because she attacks me relentlessly when I try to do it at home. She knows what the sewing bag looks like and freaks out at the mere sight of it.
13) She ONLY vomits (hairballs) on my rug. Not the sea of hardwood floor throughout the rest of the apartment. No no no. Only the 5×8 piece of carpet in the livingroom is good enough for her. For a while I would hear her start to gag and I would run across the room and move her to the wood floor, but she then resorted to doing it in the middle of the night instead (btw, nothing like stepping on fresh cat vomit when you stumble into the livingroom having just woken up (by cat no doubt)).
14) Her hair gets on EVERYTHING. Even stuff she doesn’t come in contact with (to my knowledge) gets covered. And then when I wash it, her hair gets balled up and I spend 45 minutes picking these little balls of her hair off each item.
15) This is the thing I get the most complaints about by visitors. My cat has OCD. She has a hooded litter box (because as a baby she kicked litter EVERYWHERE and I thought this would be easier). She goes in, does her business, and then proceeds to scratch the walls for 15-20 minutes…EVERYTIME! Scratch scratch scratch on the sides, and then rake rake rake across the opening as if to clean off her feet, and then back to the sides, and then back to the entrance. Over and over and over. Sometimes, she goes in there JUST TO SCRATCH!. I live in a studio, so there’s no hiding from her. You can hear it in bed (boyfriend dislikes this), and it’s hard to hear the TV over it. I asked vets and they said they don’t know why she does it and not to discourage it cause then she may stop using the litter box altogether. SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH!
And this, my jerk loving cat friends, is just the tip of the iceberg with this one. Sad/Sick thing is…I love the friggin’ fur ball….so I put up with it. *sigh*
Jerkiness thy name is PK (Psycho Kitty). He’s a jerk and I think he’s brain damaged. I acquired my stripey little a-hole when my ex husband tried to shake him out of the spare tire compartment of his truck by taking him on a high speed ride down the freeway. (The ex is a jerk, too) I lured him out with tuna and have been stuck with the little jerkface ever since.
He recently ruined an expensive and favorite pair of converse sneakers with a nice runny poop. My fault for leaving them on the bathroom floor, less than four feet from a nice clean litterbox. He also got on my daughter’s bad side by spraying her favorite Hollister jacket. He has also ruined a dress and an expensive computer bag in similar fashion.
I have had to lock him out of my bedroom because I am tired of sleeping on cat hair. I am not talking about single hairs. I mean CHUNKS of hair…he gets into fights outside and not only leaves little hanks of hair but scabs, broken whiskers and bits of other cats. He hates not being included in my bathroom visits and will spend my entire time trying to pull the bathmat and various articles of clothing through the space under the door and then spreading said items all over the living room. Cute if it’s a washcloth…not so much if it’s dirty underwear.
The rest of his time is pretending to love me so I will get up and put food in his bowl. Once I do this, he will lay at my feet purring and ignoring me until he decides my toes are a threat to national security and attacks. Thats when his fuzzy little ass gets thrown outside for the night.
The only redemption for me is the fact that our pet rats terrify him. They will taunt him by taking swipes at him through the bars of his cage, which causes him to hide behind the TV. Ha ha you little bastard!
The rest of his time is spent buttering me up
My boy, Eliot, is definitely a jerk. I just bought him a house and he had his first experience with stairs about two weeks ago. He would stand at the top of the stairs and yowl and cry until I walked to the bottom of the stairs. He ran down to me making the happy, cute kitty sounds that melt your heart. I petted him and told him that everything was fine and that he could join me in the kitchen if he wanted. Then I walked away. As soon as I got out of sight, he ran to the top of the stairs and started yowling and crying again. Seriously.
What a jerk.
I am sorry to say I do not have a jerk cat story, but I am at the time where you and your husband were before you got married: I want a cat so badly! But we are still poor students and are not yet in the position to be good catparents. But I know we will some day.
And some day we hope to have annoying jerk cats as well.
I love your blog. It’s funny, interesting and very enlightening about the strange behaviour of cats.
(ps: excuse my english, I am not a native speaker.)
My cat, Kitten is a jerk. He sits and watches me clean the litter boxes, and as soon as I take the dirty litter out, and walk back in the room, he is in the box dirtying it again. Sometimes he pees in one and poops in the other just to be extra jerky. Its not enough for him to dirty the freshly cleaned litter boxes. He also has to go as far as kicking the litter out of the box and all around the room so he can run and slide in it later. (Think speeding bike on gravel.) Kitten is a jerk.
I have one cat that is a jerk… but my husband just loves her. I call her the Sh*ty Kitty, and here is why: Any time the cats are remotely LOW on food or water, or if either one of them has made even one deposit in the litter box, Jelly Belly (the jerk) either pees or poos on my KITCHEN floor. Yeah. I’m talking nasty, right in front of the refrigerator piles… All for being a little low. She refuses to eat anything less than the top layer of fresh food in a bowl. And on top of that she is a long-hair, and prone to gooey poo-shaped watery hairballs. Ew. The jerk!
I swear, this could’ve been written about my cat Sim. He is an unbelievable jerk, only you can’t stay mad at him because he counters it with snuggles. Plus, he’s fat, squishy, soft, and makes hysterical faces when he’s pissed off.
Sim has chewed through bags of food and treats, stuck his nose up at brands he USED to love to eat after a major purchase, covered the dark couch and dark laundry in white fur, peed directly outside a freshly cleaned litter box, broken every lamp and glass object I own in the middle of the night when trying to wake me, eaten my paperback novels, chewed the bottoms out of cardboard boxes, refused to drink water unless out of the faucet, sprayed urine all over his carrier when I took him to the vet, and gotten blacklisted from the vet for biting people with his four remaining teeth. He also beats up Ava, my sweet calico, every 5 minutes.
Ava is a doll. Her only crimes are gnawing on my arms and hair while I’m sleeping, tearing up the couch, sleeping in my underwear drawer, and scooping dry food into the water bowl to leave it floating there.
Oh. I forgot the jerkiest behavior of all. Sim is insanely jealous of my laptop. He always tries to tunnel under it to get to my lap, or sleep on top of it, or gnaw on the edges of the LCD screen. Well… one day I left the laptop unattended to go get a drink in the kitchen. Suddenly there was a horrible thud. Sim had rammed it with his head until the laptop fell off my bed and broke on the hardwood floor.
I just “stumbledupon” your blog. Its like reading my life story! My little cathole Shadow a.k.a Fuzzyman is a extra giant jerk. He is a main coon which means he’s huge. He’s a chewer, he chews EVERYTHING. Cords, hair ties, shoes, books, you name it he chews it. He has a special affinity for chewing on Apple products. So every time I forget to put my ipod cord or headphones or laptop charger safely in a drawer surprise I get to buy a new one! He even once chewed on a drumstick. A DRUMSTICK! As in a long thick piece of wood! He’s a jerk but I love him anyway. Cheers
My cat Maude (named after Maude Lebowski) is possibly the grand wizard of jerkfaced cats. Some cats just don’t like people, and that’s fine. But, instead of hiding, or just ignoring the few people I can still get to enter my home, she perches on the back of a chair and hisses and swats at them as they walk by. We had a friends band staying with us and one of the guys was allergic to cats, so he slept in van. He came in once to use the bathroom and of course she swatted at him. Poor guy got the cat scratch fever and had to go to the hospital. She’s lucky she’s pretty or else she’d be a pair of slippers by now.
My cat is a jerk. The only reason she became a member of our household is because I failed to answer the phone. My husband saw some flyer at work for homeless rescue kittens; he tried to call me to ask if I wanted one. If I had picked up the phone I would have told him “Hell NO” but that didn’t happen so he went on impulse thinking with his heart instead of his head. To this day he still tells me it’s my fault.
Her first given name was Eve. As in Parasite Eve. When I first laid hands on her I found she was covered with ticks. There must have been at least 100 ticks on her, most were in the nymph stage. Only about 4-10 were adults. Her tail was like a rattlesnake’s. Surprisingly she didn’t come down with lyme disease. However we believe the exsanguination she was exposed to at such an early stage of her development resulted in her brain growth being retarded. At least with that excuse, we can’t really get too mad at her when she behaves like a stupid retarded jerk.
Eve was around four weeks old when we took her in. Now she is going on her fourth year. During that time she’s acquired many names due to her multifaceted jerkiness. Her full name would be Eve Dumpstercat Reowreow Katzefutterkopf Catfoodhead Krakky Long. Krakky is short for Cracky-jaw, after the time she got her jaw caught in her cat harness when she was trying to remove it and for a little while afterwards it seemed like her jaw was making a clicking noise. The clicking noise eventually went away but the name stuck.
Reowreow does jerk things every single day. She sheds everywhere. She swats/pulls things off of high places to watch them fall and break. She gets frightened by loud noises and pees herself. She thinks the Q-tip box is a toy dispenser and has been known to help herself to it if the bathroom door is left open. She paws all of her dry kibble out of the dish on to the floor when she’s done eating. She tries to bury her water dish so it always has carpet fiber floaties in it. She always has to sit in our laps when we’re on the computer. If not the lap then the keyboard or mouse pad. She always has to race us when we go up or down the stairs and has tripped us on more than one occasion. She meows. A lot.
I always thought love for animals was unconditional, until I met her. On days where she is such a jerk and really tries my patience, my husband just reminds me retarded cats need the most love.
Okay the jerk baby. My fiancee has a cat called Jackson, except we call him the baby cause he was the runt and he is pretty small, so the other day the baby mananged to get on the garage roof. He meowed and meowed and meowed. So we go out there, and he runs to the edge of the garage. My fella sticks his arms out to get the baby. The baby leans over, hisses and swipes at my fella. JERK!
To Tamika: Did you get your cats fixed, you know, neutered or spayed? That stops them from peeing like that. But, if your cats are fixed, and they are peeing on your floor, they may have urinary tract problems which can be resolved with antibiotics from the vet, and if the vet also gives them some medication for stress until the antibiotics clear up the urinary tract infection, that calms the cat down and really helps. Only go thru the vet for those medicines. If a cat has urinary tract problems, they think it is the cat litter box’s fault or something like that, so they look for a soft place to pee, for some reason it is more comfortable for them that way. Once the urinary tract problem is cleared up, they usually go back to the litter box.
Also, Science Diet has cat food designed for urinary tract and kidney health in cats. A change in the diet is very important, very very very important, esp. in neutered males.
It turns out my black tuxedo cat started peeing and he even took a dump on my bed once. I thought it was my other cat so I disciplined the wrong cat until I actually saw the black tuxedo cat take another pee on my bed in front of me. So, first I apologized to the innocent cat, then I put the peeing on the bed cat in kitty jail (I’ll explain in a bit) then I put him on liquid amoxicillan from the Vet, and an anti-stress medication from the Vet, and he is still in the procedure with the antibiotics and he is now using the litter box. He strayed once and pee’d on the bed, so I put a second litter box closer to where he sleeps, easier to get to in case he cannot hold it in long enough to get to the bathroom. He still went to kitty jail when he strayed. I’m sorry but I have a bad back and I had to throw away a bedspread that had been pee’d on and pooped on, so I will not have this behavior. I have to wash sheets and my bad back cannot handle all this.
I use kitty jail psychology. If a cat of mine (I have two cats) does something really bad, including viciously fighting the other cat or peeing on the bed, I will put that cat inside his pet porter/taxi (you know they hate those things) and the cat will cry while in there. And I will tell the cat “bad boy” (as both of my cats are males). Then, if that is not enough, I will put an extra cat litter box in the bathroom, and have one cat litter box in the living room and I will leave the naughty peeing on my bed cat (even if it is due to a urinary tract infection), inside the bathroom overnight , with food, water, and cat litter. I only did that once, the bathroom jail, and it only lasted until I had to go take a pee, by then I missed my cat so much and I let him out. I have this way of lowering my voice and looking at the peeing cat and saying “Be Careful” said in a very lowered voice and very slowly. It is a sound that my black cat recognizes and understands. They both hate kitty jail, sitting in a pet porter and being ignored for awhile while I watch T.V. is aweful for a cat. I only leave them in a pet porter (kitty jail) for a short time, as he might pee or poop in there, so I leave the “jerk” kitty in there just long enough for him to understand if he pees on the bed, he goes back to kitty jail.
No cat should be peeing on the floor or on the bed. If you cannot afford the cost of antibiotics from the Vet, go to Tijuana. You can get liquid amoxicillan there, the same stuff a vet gives for a cat only you get the whole package for about five or seven bucks and it lasts a long time. If you cannot make it to T.J., I don’t know what to tell you. Anyone who has a pet has to save money for Vet money. It only makes sense. And Tijuana is not a dangerous place to go, as long as you get in, get your liquid amoxicillan, and get back across the border. It is lower than T.J. where the Mexican violence has been going on.
If a cat pees on the floor or on the bed and it is not a urinary tract problem, that cat needs to be an outdoor cat.
I have two cats who i got when they were 8 weeks old. Of course at the time they were super cute and i realized that kittens become cats. These guys though…. I’ve just about had it with them. The female is an idiot. She meows and whines (today i woke up to her crying like a baby almost and when i looked up she was sitting at my door staring at me) but when you say anything to her or try to pet here she bolts. Like the first person posted, she loves to cuddle at night. She’s not violent but she purrs very loudly. She also peed on my sister’s bed one day. My male cat is pretty good most of the time but lately he’s been really destructive. Last night, he knocked over a nice picture frame that we have and then in the morning he knocked my sister’s laptop onto the floor knocking the battery pack out. (I have had a lot more happen over the last year but these are the most prominent examples in my memory) Please tell me it won’t keep getting worse because i don’t think i can take much more.
My cat is such a jerk. She will knock over EVERYTHING on my nightstand, dresser, if there’s stuff on it she will push it over. Oh and she only does this at night when im trying to go to sleep. If i try to ignore this, she will meow excessively until i acknowledge her.
btw love love love the site!
COBRA is just over eight months and is a jerk more often than not, but only started on this path maybe two months ago. She’s a wanton destructor, often knocking plates and glasses off the counters and destroying them, hates when I drink out of brightly colored tumblers (knocked over a freshly poured cup of expensive, unfiltered, organic apple juice all over my carpet), has destroyed the blinds in every room of my apartment, scratches at the carpet under my bedroom door while I sleep…
And that’s another thing, I made the mistake of allowing her in my room while I’m sleeping months ago, and now she thinks she owns the place. I am a very deep sleeper, so when I’m suddenly awakened, my mood goes from sleepy pleasure to intense anger and frustration and COBRA knows this well. She’ll wait until I’m at the deepest point of my sleep and CRASH against the blinds on my window, or start to scratch the liner underneath my mattress directly below my head. She’ll also knock my phone (which is my alarm clock and can’t be heard from under the bed!) and glasses from the nightstand.
I’m an amateur musician as well, which she is not at all happy with. Whenever I sit down to work, she gets super needy and cries and tries to tie up my hands. Or I’ll be sitting down programming a synthesizer and she’ll jump on the buttons, resetting everything I’ve worked on, or a sneak attack on my computer’s keyboard (once managed to delete a folder of songs just by laying across the keyboard)…
Bah! She’s only sweet when I’m sick or hungover and her behavior often leads me to drink heavily. I’m convinced she’s trying to kill me slowly.
My cat is a jerk too. Today when we let the dog out he ran outside & crawled under our house via the ONLY open space under the porch which also happened to be covered by a large bush, thus making it impossible for us “humans” to get to him. He is NOT an outside cat so he then proceeded to blat & meow as if he was in great distress & wanted out of the scary hole. Of course he wouldn’t come out for over an hour.
Yes my cat is a jerk, well not my cat – my brother’s cat but I lived with her, fed her biscuits, mopped up her hair balls, emptied her cat litter trays, threw out plants she had eaten and clothes she covered in hair… so she feels like mine too.
She is such a jerk that we have given her her own website http://www.dearjanit.com/ it is a collection of letters that my brother has written to her over the years in an attempt to improve her attitude to life…. sadly this gentle form of guidance has not worked…yet…we live in hope.
Omg…I love your page…We (my mom, sis and me) currently have two cats and I could not help but feel SUPER related to you XD
Our older cat is a total jerk. He pees the beds RIGHT IN FRONT of us!
Our other cat, still very young, plays with EVERYTHING, which equals biting and scratching…he does not stop biting us!
Aside from that, they do sooo many of the things you mentioned! Like lying on the clothes, doing that thing with their claws (kneading?), they always seem to want our attention when we are busy doing other things, etc.
Also, their food bowl is full yet they want our food, they don’t let me exercise…always getting under me or in a place where they are in the way.
The youngest is always with me on my bed…I’m using the computer and he is just sleeping beside me, but I don’t mind that.
I love them. We have had many…with different attitudes…good, bad, calm, playful, scared all the time, annoying…but I can’t help it…I’m a cat girl. XD
One of my parent’s cats is a jerk and it’s the baby of the bunch. Roxy. She may be more than a jerk (Satan reincarnated) but good grief my mother loves her. You can absolutely, under no circumstances pick this cat up, kiss it, touch it, or breathe on it…because it will tear your face off. My sister’s boyfriend picked Roxy up, and he’s a chunk of flesh short of an ear lobe. Mom says that she had a tough time coming into the world, since this cat was the only one in its litter to live and my mom had to pull her out of the mama-kitty…so that’s her excuse for why it’s such a jerk. Not to mention, every time you walk by this cat, whether it’s sitting on the kitchen counter or under the bed…it takes a swipe at you and is usually successful. Jerk.
My kitten (err… almost 2 year old tom) Bob is a jerk. He is the king of jerks.
He’s an english ginger bloke living with three german queens, and I know his life can’t be easy. To be fair on the bugger, they have treated him like cr@p when he was a kid. But what is it with the marking?
He is generally fine with using the litter box. He wouldn’t dream of pooing anywhere but there. And he wouldn’t dream of actually peeing anywhere else, but marking? Hell, yeah! Mattress? Yep. Couch? Yep. My really big, fat, expensive coffee table history books? Yep. MY FRIGGIN HAND BAG??? YEP!!!
The queens have their own, peculiar ways of letting me know I am just tolerated in my own house, but he really beats them to it. Comes for a cuddle and nearly bites off the hand that strokes. Jerk. Pretends to be kneading and tries to cut out my pancreas. Jerk. Makes it looks like he is about to kill the giant monster spider and then just chases it my way. Jerk.
The odd occasional waking up to a purring little ginger tiger on my chest doesn’t make up for any of this!
My cat Leroy is a total jerk. He’s about a year old now, and he’s watched me enough to know I’m a total klutz. Leroy and his sister live outside and it’s my job to water my Mom’s out door plants. Well one day Leroy, my cute little attention whore, starts winding around my legs for attention making his wierd not-meow. Before I could realize he was there I went to take a step and instead of being perfectly fine, I tripped over the cat and wound up soaked in mud and cold-as-Hell well water. What did my jerk do? He pranced away with his tail flicking in his high-and-mighty way. Jerk.
My cat Sin is a total jerk, and absolutely appropriately named. My boyfriend recently let me move in with him and his two cats, and I of course brought my Sin. She’s a 3 year old black cat that looks a lot like Jezebel (with the white fur under the chin and everything). Now, three cats in a one-bedroom apartment is a lot of cats, and it was very nice of him to allow Sin to come live with us.
But what is the first thing she does?
She proceeds to break all of the custom sized window blinds in the apartment.
Now, like I said, he has 2 cats of his own who are occasional window sitters. He’s had them for 10 years, and not once has either of them broken a window blind. But Sin, she can’t look through the blinds. No, she has to be next to the window, so that she doesn’t miss any of the excellent action outside – which consists of people going in and out and no nature whatsoever. She’s looking at concrete.
So now, we’ll have to pay for the blinds to be replaced when we eventually move out. Or else try to figure out some inconspicuous way to hide the fact that full sections of blinds are missing. And people can see into the apartment whenever they please. We’re on the first floor.
That’s why my cat is a jerk.
I love this blog, it hits all the right spots.
My cat is a major jerk and also a terrorist. I’ve never seen a cat destroy so much stuff. I am constantly on the market for gorilla glue.
she also eats my books. BOOKS. the cat. eats. BOOKS. who does that.
I fell like she is a constant threat to my sanity. but I just love her so much. :/
I don’t personally have a cat (am allergic and travel too much), but am an “Auntie”/Babysitter to my brother’s cat Hansol.
Hansol is a highly strung jerk of a Rag Doll cat. When my Mom was sick in the hospital and my brother about to go overseas for work, Hansol was left in the care of my Dad. At this time of his life, he was very aloof and would NOT come when called, he couldn’t be trusted out of doors and basically regarded Dad’s house as his own personal domain. One day, Dad calls and calls H to let him outside to do his business. H doesn’t come. More calling, no cat. Dad begins to worry. Hours and then a few days go by, no cat. Dad starts to freak (because he has to see my Mom in the hospital and can’t take time to look for the cat in the house or his dead, raccoon eaten body outside) and is telling that the cat is missing and how is he going to explain this to my brother… all of this on the phone (I was living out of country at the time, so nothing I could do to help).
Then one morning, His Nibs (the cat) comes sauntering up the stairs from the basement… in need of some food & water (kept downstairs) and perhaps a little bit of attention. Needless to say, Dad was ready to kill the cat.
To add to his jerky-ness, H likes to headbut me when I’m trying to pet him, hide under the bed or in the closet, and leave me “presents” (hairballs) in the hall during the night and while I’m at work, when I’m housesting/catsitting for my Brother & SIL.
He is such a jerk, but I love him to pieces!
My cat did sound like an angel, when I read all these stories, but recently has turned into a “jerk”. When I first got Pounce, he was a sweet kitten, learned very quickly to go to his litter box , and was just a very tender kitten. I guess when I got engaged and married and me and my husband bought our new house, with new rugs, and new couches, and a new member, “Savanah” our 65pound dog- Pounce went to Jerk-ism. I’m sure its all behavioral, because he is a very healthy, indoor cat. He bites me and my husband very hard sometimes for no reason, we had to start keeping him out of the bedroom when we sleep, for the safety of our eyeballs at night. He has repeatedly swatted at my dogs head and face when she is just standing there. The best is, he started urinating all over our brand new rug that we have not even had for a year yet, which has infuriated me to the point of getting ride of him. My days consist of baking soda, and lots of dish washing soap. My upstairs is now slowly turning into the hallway of cat funk. Pounce has turned into what I thought he would never be, super jerk! But I am justified that it is his raging jealousy for my dog, and my husband. But this all still doesn’t account for my puncture wounds from his claws and teeth, and his constant issue of thinking my new rug is his litter box. Gottah love them cats!!!
When I was younger and lived with my mom, her jerk cats were a part of life. Most of the time, it was small-scale stuff: Pillsbury begging for scraps or Belle stealing balled-up pairs of socks.
And then there was Howie.
I think maybe he loved me too much. He was adorable, don’t get me wrong, and I gave him hours of love and affection, but enough is enough. Every night, for anywhere between five minutes and two hours, he would sit outside my bedroom door and meow. Never when I was awake, no- it was as if he heard me click the light off and came a-running. He developed this habit seemingly at random, and soon he began doing the same thing as I showered. Occasionally I’d let him into the bathroom, and he would haul his chunky butt up onto the tank of the toilet to yowl at me and tap at the glass. That’s one awkward way to start the day.
Jerks?? How about 8 of them. Two old ladies who are sisters and about 8 years old barely tolerate each other. One of them, Casey, since we got her at 8 weeks, has pissed and crapped everywhere but the litter box, no matter what. Now I got her to pee on a doggie trainy pad and pee in an empty litter box. Oh boy what a jerk! Her sister Mew Mew is just fat and lazy.
Then there are the two brothers, Snow who is pure white with a blue eye and a gold eye and very fluffy and a real screamer meow meow meow; he’s a Jerk. The other one is pure black with extremely long legs and a curly tale, and he loves to do head bumps all the time. One thing though, his breath has always been the worst. But he is not a jerk. He is my pretty Yoda.
Then there is the brother and sister. Two midgets. The tuxedo Mini, named after his mother, acts like he was never fixed; he’s about 4 and when he wants something he screams MEOW MEOW MEOW; he is a jerk. His sister you can barely hear her when she goes meow. She is not a jerk; she is my Little Mew.
Then there was a stray brought home. He is beautiful. His eyes are the same color as his hair; a very beautiful light light brownish orange. Gorgeous; he is my Ziggy Boo and not too much of a jerk. He is less than a year old.
And last but not least the newest cat given to me on Mother’s Day was turned into the shelter and brought to me by my son and daughter in law. An Exotic with a flat face, white and silver long hair and fat, who was on sale, because he was neurotic and 5 years old, no claws anywhere and hated everything. It has taken 3 months to help him and now Bailey lives in my room, sleeps with me, eats with the other cats, tries to fit his fatness always in the smallest litter box and half falls on the floor. But he’s still a little sketchy but much better than 3 months ago. He is not a jerk. Previous owners tried to make him a jerk.
I have had cats for about 40 years and loved them all. This is a great blog and I’m glad I found it. PEACE OUT
My 5 month old kitten Saskia is the same breed as your’s.
She has destroyed my living room window blinds along with my dining table cloth.
She is so greedy she chews open her own sack of cat food.
She eats 9 times a day.
She won’t eat her own food but really enjoys mine.
I sometimes have to grab all her stuff and leave her in my bedroom whenever I have my dinner because she will try and eat it all.
She has knocked down all my photographs on my walls.
When I am trying to write out an e-mail to someone she starts curling up to me and tries to wrestle my feet.
I once was trying to make my breakfast and then she bit my toe and all of the milk +cereal went all over the floor and she just carelessly ate it all.
This is a great blog! I actually stumbled onto it while looking for window blinds that are cat chewing-proof. I have 2 jerks who I love very much, but are making me question my sanity. They were both abandoned and delivered to my vet’s doorstep at about one day old. The vet handraised them. I should have known better when he named one of them Monster. The other one was named Cami Jane by a vet tech–which is short for Calamity Jane. He asked me if I would take them. I said yes. I question that decision at least once a day. Monster’s name was changed to Frankie (had very blue eyes, so named after Sinatra, except his eyes ended up changing color…this should have also given me some sort of hint…) I should have kept the name Monster. I will admit that I had them both declawed, and it is a decision that I don’t regret. I’d hate to see what my house would look like if they did have their claws. I’ll start with Frankie. He has destroyed every window blind in my house by chewing them. After replacing them three times, I started looking into more sturdy ones. I finally opted on faux-wood, which I now pull up during the day and have curtains that stay closed all day, so the cats can sit in the window and the temperature doesn’t reach 100 degrees inside (I live in Texas). That has worked fairly well. Frankie now gets put into a carrier at night so I can close the blinds to feel safe and also get some sleep. The only time he really cuddles is when he wants to “nurse” on my neck and give me kitty-hickeys. For some reason this mostly happens when my telephone rings. I’ve had to explain to people that my cat gave me the hickey on my neck. I put up with it because it is the only time he really cuddles. He never cuddles with Cami Jane, he just beats the crap out of her. He learned at a very young age to open all the cabinet doors (where I was throwing everything that I didn’t want him to get into) so I had to install child-proof latches on every cabinet door in my house. I love baseball and work for a minor league team and have a huge collection of bobbleheads. They have been moved into a spare bedroom that the cats are not allowed into as they were being destroyed. My living room is not very well decorated as anything I bring in, I have to ask myself “what will Frankie do to this??” He seems to be able to pick out even the slightest little difference in a room. My final straw with him was when he started running out of nowhere and climbing up the door frame to my master bedroom. He doesn’t have front claws, but he does have back claws, and that was what he was using to climb. I have huge scratches running down the frame. So I had to finally give in and put him on “kitty prozac.” I hated doing it, but it was that or trying to give him up, and I doubted anyone would want him (everyone I knew had already heard too many stories, so I knew it wouldn’t be anyone I knew!) The medication has made things a million times better and calmer here at home. I can always tell when the meds are starting to wear off though…. Cami Jane, in her own sweet, little way is also a Jerk. She chews my electric cords–most notably my laptop cord and my Wii sensor cord. This cord ran along my television for a few months and she would lay right on top of it. Until one day when she accidentally knocked the cord off the tv. Then she knew it was there and within seconds had chewed right through it. So I purchased a wireless sensor bar, but I can’t keep it out until I want to use my Wii or else it would never survive. I tried last Christmas to put up lights around my television stand (forget having a tree or any kind of Christmas decorations inside my house!) I had them up for maybe 10 minutes before she had bitten off one of the lights (!!!!) So they came right back down (and she was fine…) These cats are water-resistant, especially Frankie. To him, a water spray bottle is a game, so that was never a solution. They are 3 years old now and I’ve aged about 20 years over these past 3 years. As I type this, I see Frankie walking around just looking for something to destroy, so it must be time for his medication….and mine….
My cats both jerks!
Grim is a jerk, ’cause he likes to SWIM IN THE TOILET! Not just bat his paws at the water, he jumps ALL the way in! And I thought cats were supposed to hate water!
Boo is a jerk, because she is in love with my husband and steals my seat on the couch next to him EVERY time I get up to get a drink, bathroom, etc. Then gives me the stinkeye and yowls at me when I move her.
My cat is a rotten little jerk.Bear is two years old and probably one of the most interesting cats I’ve had.He loves to knock over his water bowl.He will sit there and ask me to fill it up and I will.I’ll come back in two minutes and water will be all over the carpet.He’ll sit there and roll the bowl around and then lick out the last two drops in the bowl and look at me like he wants more.He knocked the bowl over 5 times in 20 minutes yesterday.
He also freely expresses his distaste in any food I buy for him.Any brand, any flavor, any formula.Its never good enough.Every time I fill up his food dish, he runs over, sniffs it, puts his ears back and starts scratching like he would in the catbox.He then gives me a dirty look and stalks away.
My cat is a huge jerk!!!! For the past 6 months or so, each morning around 5:30, she likes to crawl into bed with me and start walking all over me to wake me up. Of course I ignore her as best I can, which only makes matters worse. She then proceeds to knock my alarm clock off on the floor-which, by the way, has caused me to be late for work on several occasions because the impact from hitting the floor, usually turns my alarm clock off. If, after knocking my alarm clock off on the floor doesn’t wake me up, she will then go for my glasses that are on the night stand. She will either knock them off on the floor, or take them in her mouth like a toy and start playing with them. If this doesn’t wake me up, she will then grab my lamp in her teeth and knock it off on the floor. Needless to say, my lamp is now trashed due to all the abuse.
And why does she do this?? I have no idea. When this all first started I thought, “Oh, she must want me to wake up to feed her”. So, one Saturday morning, I woke up, gave her a yummy bowl of food, and went back to bed, only to find her back in bed with me a few seconds later doing her usually morning routine.
My cat used to be a jerk. She used to throw up on my pillow, piss on anything soft you left on the floor (yes, she is toilet trained) and bite holes in the exact middle of every t-shirt she could find. Turned out it was actually a mental problem brought on by a thyroid condition – it even caused her to have hallucinations. We treated her for it and now she’s happier and more playful than ever. Same old cat though. And still very jerk like in her cat ways
My cat, Cyris is a jerk. He goes out and picks up parasites to leave all over my bed. He likes to harrass anyone I bring over, by clawing them, jamming his ass in their faces, and sitting on their chest. He’s a jerk. He’s cute, and I love him. But hes a jerk.
Peanut is a year younger than Butters. They are both boys. Butters is a princess. I’m sure anyone has a finicky, fluffy, smart yet evil male cat knows what I mean when I call him a princess. The first time I came to this blog I had to stifle my laughter (in a public cafeteria sitting by myself) because Butters is essentially Pants. Peanut is different. He isn’t bright or small or fast or fluffy. But he is loving.
Anyways, everyone knows cats can be gross. My cats use a litter box. Butters has a very sensitive digestion system. Often his leavings are especially yucky. Sometimes, because of all his fluffiness, a bit gets on him. And then falls on the floor outside their bathroom. Butters meows super loud like he’s saying “I don’t know why this is on the floor why can’t I bury it somebody come save me!” and paws and scratches at the floor like he’s trying to dig a hole. Then you come and pick up his mess and he loves you to death for about 5 minutes before he remembers that he’s a jerk.
Has anyone ever woken up to the “urk-urk-urk” sound that cats make when they’re about to puke? One night Butters first got me to clean him after his messy poo got on him, right before I went to bed. Then at about 2:00am I was woken up to the sound of him puking on my carpet.
Also last night he urked on my snuggie.
My cat is a jerk because she want to play at 3 in the morning. So Mia is a little over 1 so basically she’s a large “kitten”. She thinks its so much fun to wake me and/or my boyfriend up around 3 or 4 in the morning just to mess around. She either makes a racket knocking things off dressers and tables or hops on top of us and meows and does the pawing thing where she digs her claws in you. Once awake she tries to play, running around, rubbing against us, and as soon as you lay down, she starts up again like the jerk she is.
My new one year old shorthair is a jerk.
1. She thinks she is a do, so she beats up on my other cats.
2. She is possesive and does not like to share me.
3. She sheds on EVERYTHING! White hair sucks!
4. She hids from me, even though I am the only person she likes.
5. She never shuts up. MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
6. She attacks anyone who trys to come in my room.
7. She smells.
8. Her name is Skittles (my brother had named her). The name misled me.
9. If I am in the bathroom, she sits by the door and cries.
10. If I put her outside, she cries, but if I dont want her outside, she runs away!
My cat is a major jerk.
At least two of my three cats are jerks. I’m sure the third is as well, we just haven’t caught her at it. Jerk number one is my favorite because she is mine, not my mom’s, not my brother’s. She prefers me as well.
She is a jerk because: She pees on MY clothing. Not my brother’s, not my mom’s. If I leave the lid off my clothes hamper, she will jump in and pee. If clothing is sorted into laundry piles, she will assume they are going to be cleaned either way and will pee on them.
Also, her favorite activity occurs only from 3:40-5:30 in the morning, and involves jumping from her cozy place by my feet on my bed, up to my face, and onto my dresser, which has several shelves on which I keep a few fragile glass items, as well as stacks of CDs and various other things. Then she proceeds to gnaw on anything she can, and is shocked when they fall down on top of her on their way to the floor. My favorite part about it is that sometimes I fool myself into thinking I can keep some bamboo in water on my shelves. This is false, and I frequently wake up in the dark to discover she has dumped the plant, the glass vase, the little rocks, and the cup or so of water all over my carpeted floor.
In addition, she will puke ONLY in my room. Not downstairs, not on the tile or hardwood floors, but in my room, on my light green carpet. And, while I’m away at school, she will puke on my bed, multiple times. Light purple bedding looks horrible with red/orange semi-digested cat food covering it.
Occasionally she will actually induce vomiting by chewing on a black plastic garland type thing I’ve used on my headboard. Every time she does this, she vomits. She also never makes it out of room before doing so. Even if she wanted to puke elsewhere, she simply doesn’t have the tolerance for her bad habits to make it that far.
She cries to come and sit in the bathroom while I shower or brush my teeth. However, if I attempt to actually shower with her in there, she produces a noise that I have never heard anything make before, but might be most accurately described as a yowl. This is repetitive and will occur for as long as I am concealed by the shower curtain. If I stick my face out, she stops. And when I finish showering, she rubs her fuzzy self all over my newly shaved, still damp legs, shedding all the while.
What a jerk.
my cat Midnight is a total jerk! every night, after we all go to bed, he terrorizes the house…shredding toilet paper, knocking stuff off the fridge, getting in cabinets, walking on CLEAN dishes, drinking from the sink and toilet.he usualy leaves evidence behind. and he knows when hes in trouble, it gives a cute face and runs and hides…….. during the day, he hides around the house waiting for someone to come near him, then he jumps out to attack them, run away, and hides again. sometimes hell get on the window sill and meow at the outdoor cats. it gets really annoying too, when we try to move him away he bites the s**t out of our hands and sometimes goes for our faces. this cat needs rehab for desturbed kittys…such a jerk!
Ive had my cat Bebe for 10 years and got her from the RSPCA. I had to post as she does so many of the things your cat Pants does and more although to be honest she is only a jerk some of the time However…I actually found your blog whilst in bed for the 4th day with flu and felt I had to post as Bebe has been a complete jerk. Whenever I am at home during the day usually she will sit on the stairs and wail until I come and give her cuddles, she will follow me around, she will try and sit on any available limb even my back if I am bending over, she will jump on the desk when I am trying to work, she will stick her bum in my face when i’m trying to eat but for the last 4 days i’ve barely seen her! For 4 days I have been a captive audience needing some attention from my beloved cat and she’s no where to be seen. Now don’t get me wrong I probably look (and lets me honest smell) pretty scary but wheres my tender loving cat? Jerk!
Hi to All Jerks and Owners of Jerks. This is a follow up to my first post about my 8 cats. Mini, the Tuxedo, was diagnosed with Feline Leukemia a few months ago. The symptoms are can’t eat, and just sleeps. When he was first diagnosed they wanted to put him down. We couldn’t do that. We brought him home and within 2 days he was up and running like nothing was wrong. But you could see his pale gums and pale nose. All of a sudden last week he got very sick and weak. He wouldn’t eat at all and barely could walk. We thought he was going through another episode again. I picked him up to cuddle him and he screamed the longest meow for the first time in days. He was in pain. Mini was brought to the vet again and dropped off because they were so busy. They called us and basically said it was over. We went and picked him up and by the grace of the kitty god, he waited until he got home to see everybody once more before he passed. We all said goodbye and cried and cried. He was a real jerk as I told you in a previous blog. But he was our jerk and we will not forget his antics. Mini is no longer a jerk. He is an angel. I don’t want to make anyone sad. I just want everyone to remember this nasty disease and have your “jerks” tested and get them shots to prevent this horrible illness. After 40 years, this is the first “jerk” I had with this terrible illness. Happy Holidays to all the Wonderful Jerks out there and their wonderful owners who put up with their “jerkiness”. Peace to All.
CrazyCatLady, I’m so sorry to hear about Mini! That’s so sad. It sounds like you did the very best you could for him. I know he appreciated it. I hope you and the others are doing alright, and thank you for sharing!
I think I have the jerkiest cat out there. Delaney was the most affectionate kitten in the shelter when I went to look at her 3 different times. As soon as I got her home, she wanted nothing to do with me. Unless it’s 1am…
But her worst trait? Wiping her butt all over the floor. She must love the feeling of carpet on her bottom. She has wiped poop on the floor 6 times now. We finally went to the vet as I thought the only reason she could be this mean was if she had something terribly wrong with her. NOPE. After doing all sorts of tests and $200.00 later the conclusion is she is too lazy to lick her butt!!! So now I have to chase her down with baby wipes every 2 days to wipe it for her. That is no treat let me tell you. She’s now memorized the baby wipe scent and runs from it every time I get one out of the box. Jerk!
I love this blog. I didn’t realize someone else had such a big jerk! Our cat is a huge jerk. He has basically done most of things you listed! He LOVES ripping into his food bag even when he has food. One time he too ripped into the treats we bought him and ate all of them! I was trying to hide them too! He ruined my suitcase. He completely destroyed my leather coach. He loves sharpening his claws on the worst things- for instance, my record collection! He also lovvvveeessss chewing on our phone chargers and even my computer charger! Ofcourse, he also loves knocking over water. He hates my laptop and loves laying on the keyboard (even making my computer do weird commands, like having a voice over and having the colors inverted) Weirdly, he loves knocking over his food (as well as covering his food up!) He’s the most destructive/most loving cat ever. Despite being a huge jerk, I’ve never loved an animal more than I love my fluffy tuxedo cat Buster. He’s a sweetheart too- despite his jerkery!
In my original post I told you about my 8 cats; in a follow up in December I told you about Mini who passed from Feline Leukemia at 6. In my original post I told you about Yoda who was not a jerk. He was my Baby Yoda also 6. I came to find out that bad breath in cats can be a problem just like in humans, meaning bad teeth or bad stomach. I took him to the vet because I didn’t like the way he was looking. He was losing weight, but still eating. Don’t let the “still eating” fool you. He was tested positive for Feline Leukemia and my heart dropped. All my cats are fixed and had shots. I am now aware that Feline Leukemia shots have to be given on a regular basis, not just once like a vaccine against mumps or chicken pox. I am learning all this the hard way and I have cried for him for hours yesterday and today. I held him in my arms last night in a towel for hours. Yet he was still cold. I kept him in my room. He was still with me at 4:00 am; but somewhere between 4:00 and 6:00 am, when my son came in to say goodbye before going to work, he had let out his last cry. I thought he was going to the bathroom again, which is painful for them at this point. But that was the end. Almost 12 hours later and I am still crying preparing him for burial. All my cats are buried like the Egyptians did by putting little trinkets special to them with them and making beautiful cement stones with their names and birth and passing dates. This time I wrote to Yoda on a “cat postcard” that has a picture that looks just like him and put it with him. It says “Baby Yoda, you were always very special to me. Your blackness, like the nights sky, you’re long, long legs like you wore stilts, you’re very unique and beautiful meow-ow-ow, the way you could wrap yourself around the back of my neck and your very, very special head bumping. I guess it is appropriate that you died on Martin Luther Kings day so everyone mourning today is also saying goodbye to you. In your pink trinket heart I left you a Dental chew if you get hungry. I will never forget you. I will love you always.”
I cannot reiterate to all of you with all of your jerks who you love dearly, please, please, take this deadly disease seriously. Your jerk could be born with it and live years, like both of mine did, never knowing that they have it. God Bless You All and kitty God, please watch over all the jerks.
my cat is a huge jerk. her name is Remi, and she thinks that she owns everything that is mine. actually, she destroys everything that is special to me, especially if it is very nice and expensive. she hates being held, or petted, unless it is convient for her. like when i’m trying to sleep, and she puts her cat butt in my face at 3am and meows until i wake up. her favorite places to sleep are atop my clean, folded laundry, or right on my pillow next to my face, butt to face. i cannot get over how much of an idiot she is either. she will stalk inantiment objects on my counter, and make them fall off the counter and break. she is not pleased until things are broken. but, i love her. sadly more than i should…
I have three jerk cats.
Fizz is tiny and black and absolutely stunning. She will flirt with anyone who is new in the house, and she thinks it’s her right to sit on you and put her ass in your face and claw at your boobs to get herself comfy, and headbutt you in the face at 5am. She used to be solely my cat and would come running to my call and follow me around the house but then I got a boyfriend and now she loves him more than me. She likes to sleep on the TV and leave her legs and tail dangling in front of it. She will also sit on anything you leave on the floor. I tested this theory with a postage stamp. She sat on it. Oh, and she’s also a serial puker, and she likes to kill mice and leave them for you in unexpected places.
Smudge weighs about as much as your average toddler, and he likes to sit on you – and he especially loves the part where he gets to jump off, thus crushing your ribs and winding you in the process. He only has one front leg since he got hit by a car. Now he’s disabled he thinks it’s his right to sit on the table in front of the TV so you can’t see in a meerkat position. He also likes to wrestle shoes, and will stick his head right in it and pull out the insides. He also likes pooping on my clothes. And only my clothes.
Harley used to like everyone. But now he doesn’t. He once had an infection so after we took him to the vet we had to put him on a leash to go for a poop. Only whenever we put him on the leash he would lie down wherever he was and refuse to move. This led to pooping in our plantpots. Jerks…
My cat is a total jerk, I spend all day trying to snuggle with my cat Hendrix and play with him but does he respond? Nope he’d rather play in a box by himself but when I was petting my other cat Monkey he decided to body slam her off of my bed and start snuggling with me…. Jerk.
My cat is a lazy jerk. Every morning when I get up to take a shower, I try to be extra quiet so I don’t wake my husband up. In order to maintain this stealth, I must wait patiently for Tabby to come into the bathroom at her own pace. If I attempt to go get her before she is ready, she will meow incessantly and wake my husband up. If I close the bathroom door without allowing her to enter, she will wait until until she hears me get in the shower to start pawing loudly at the door. It sounds like those blocks covered in sandpaper they used to pass off as musical instruments elementary school. Sheuuush, sheuush, sheuush.
Once inside, she makes her way over to my husband’s side of our two-sink vanity. I have to turn on the water in the sink to just the right pressure so as not to splash her fur or make her work too hard. Then I have to lift her fat arse up onto the counter because she is a lazy jerk and won’t even put forth the effort of jumping up there herself. The toilet is right next to this end of the sink so she wouldn’t even have to jump the entire distance from the floor to the counter at once. But no. She meows at me until I pick her up and carefully place her on the edge of the sink. Then I have to wait until she is done drinking out of the faucet. No matter how fresh and clean the water in her bowl is, she only wants to drink out of the sink. And she knows how hard I am trying not to wake up my husband so she knows I’ll enable her behavior just to keep her quiet. Catmail. What a jerk!
My cat boris is a jerk. He will not cuddle with me, he will sit there and stare at me to get my attention and when I reach down to pet him he will bite me. Oh sure I assume he just wants to play but he is a jerk. He runs to my husband and cuddle with him but he shuns me. All I want is for him to sit on my laps so I can pet him and all he wants to do with me is wrestle, scratch and bite. What a jerk.
haaa mine is from hell !!!!!!!!! he pees my ipods laptop keyboard and cellphones try to trip you and kill me and mine dogs from heaven !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me and brother have cats lay around and have sex all day long. and kittens are crazy so they have their room with toys that scare them lol their names brutey the dad smiley the mom boirs joey fred frack woby koby hajk yuio and my dogs oby tippy scot
My cat fits the definition of the term “jerk” to a T.
She’s learned how to use her nose to turn on my touch lamp on my bed stand. In the middle of my ‘beauty sleep’ she finds humor in turning it on and off multiple times in the middle of the night so’s to wake me up so that I can give her the attention she feels she so rightly deserves. Now if i kick her out of my room she whines and sticks her paws under my door, and actually scratches my side of the door until I let her in once again. I love my cat unconditionally, But she’s a mega Jerk.
My cat knocks over every single cup she can find. I think she goes on adventures through the house, just to find cups she can knock over. Also, she likes to drink the water I have set out for rinsing my mouth when I brush my teeth. Every time. Because she’s a jerk.
Some of these antics have really made me laugh. I have to admit my cat Midnight has tried every trick in the book to get her own way. We have been together now for four months and she has really come a long way from being a stray cat. When she first arrived she
would turn her back on me after eating and look at me with disdain in her eyes
Peed on my carpet. She still tries to get in the bathroom to urinate around the toilet but that is only place she will do it if she can get away with it.
Hiss at me when she couldn’t get her own way or I was doing something she didn’t like. Sometimes she would be sitting on my lap and would just turn frigid and look at me with so much evil.
I must admit I have cuffed her on her nose a couple of times and the discipline seems to have worked. I have even meowed like her when she is whiny to show her I can be whiny too. I ignore her when she is rude and turf her out of the house when she hisses, (we live on a golf course, so no real dangers) which has been extremely rare lately.
My cat is smart, I have taught her to sit, lay down, give me her paw. She loves being groomed to get her favorite treats and we go for walks together most evenings.
As I write this, she is happily sitting on my lap curled up like a baby with her eyes closed. My cat is a superficial jerk with a big heart and lots of love.
I am so glad I found this blog. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have Midnight in my life.
I have one jerk cat, one retarded cat, and one amazing cat. Luna is 7 months old and a total jerk. She is a siamese manx mix. She won’t sleep with me, or cuddle with me even though I raised her. She likes my husband instead. I feed her and clean up after her, but she is totally his cat. She hates the other two cats and constantly chases them around the house. She is loud and obnoxious, and whines constantly when she is not being petted.
Pippin is retarded, and three years old. He is a goofy tuxedo cat. He walks in to walls, is afraid of anything the color pink, jumps at any noise, drools when he is happy, and has the highest pitched voice of any cat I have ever heard. Not to mention he is huge and fluffy, and fetches. The only way he likes being picked up is like a baby, on his back.
Simmy is the wonder cat. She is 8, and a maine coon mix. She is a watch-cat that knows more tricks than a lot of dogs I know. She is sweet and kind and her only bad habit is scratching my furniture. We have an unbreakable bond ever since I rescued her 7 years ago. She is my little baby, and sometimes she is the only reason I keep going. You can see the love in her eyes.
I’ve been trying to make my cats use the cat flap and stop meowing at teh front door all teh time. Marley is doing it, no problem. Pepper omn the other hand, well she definitely knows how to use it, because she uses it all the time. But when I get home from work, or wherever i’ve been she will always run out of the front door as soon as I open it, and then go straight round the back and in the cat flap. Why does she do this? But, the really annoying thing is, she seems to know when i’m in my bedroom, which is at the front of the house. She’ll sit out the front for hours meowing to be let in, even to the point where the neighbour ha sknocked on the door for me to let her in because it’s annoying. Pepper knows she can walk the 20 yards to the back of the house but no, she likes to be annoying. What a jerk
I have four cats, and two dogs.
And they are the biggest jerks I know.
Adi, is a fat black and white cat. With an adorable meow, but that just adds to the jerkiness. You see, we leave a window open 24/7, to allow our cats to roam in and out whenever they please. Of course, Adi had to get a heart problem, and now jumping a few feet off the ground is going to cause her into going into cardiac arrest or something – of course, she is very apt at getting stuck in high places despite this. This caused us into investing into a litter tray. We tried this before, and it was a failure. Now it it is slightly successful, but our dogs (Saxon and Duke) have quite an unusual taste. If you haven’t guessed, yes, they like to eat the cat poop. Nothing invokes more fear into me, than the fact of knowing that the only reason why I seem to avoid picking up Adi’s poo, is because my dogs have waited around for her to produce more, and get there before we do. Also, Adi likes to wait until we have settled down for dinner, or a movie, or we have friends round, before she does her business. A lot of the time it isn’t even in the tray, but a few feet away- like she just didn’t even bother to try. What a jerk.
Pukka is black, and Adi’s sister. She’s one of my favourites, but still a jerk. She is one of those cats that look innocent, but are in reality one of Satan’s little furry foot-soldiers. She thinks the appropriate time to want fuss is when you are eating or otherwise indisposed. This means she’ll climb right onto whatever is keeing you away from her. Eating dinner? She’ll climb right into the plate. What. A. Jerk.
Sylest is the best cat, and in no way a jerk. I love her because of this – but she does get her black fluff everywere. Jerk.
Mucky is Sylest’s cousin (all of my cats are related to each other), chunky and black and white. Brain damaged. Always in a confused stupor. Attacks me at every waking minute, but this isn’t what makes him a jerk – it’s the fact he always tries to sleep with his mum, aunt and cousn. The incestuous jerk.
Reading your blog is like reading a blog written about my two jerks – their personalities are almost identical to your jerks! I have a male diva who is too good for everyone and a whiner, who begs for attention and later puke’s up her food and eats it again, to name a couple similarities. The male jerk’s new thing is to get stuck on the roof. It’s just too funny. Great blog!
I also have two black cats. They are total jerks. I love your blog because it describes all the reasons I love/hate my cats. The male (Puck) is a whiny attention whore. He wants you to love him and he wants it now. When I come home from work he whines and cries at me to pick him and then he’ll wrap his paws around my neck like a baby and purr and rub his face against mine. It’s adorable, but also annoying. Jerk. Anyone who comes to visit must also pay respect to him or he is an inconsolable jerk until they finally pet him and acknowledge that he controls the world. He also is the devil child of mornings and will whine and cry and jump on your face at ungodly hours until you feed him. Sometimes if he gets tired he’ll send his minion (Eby) to do his bidding for him. I’m often afraid that they might kill us if we don’t feed them on time. Eby is also a jerk, but in different ways. She doesn’t whine or talk as much as Puck but her cries are so insanely piercing it’s enough to make you murder a baby. You can’t ignore her when she cries. She is much more aggressive with her needs for attention too. She has no concept of personal space and will often leap onto the bed and land directly in front of your nose and cry for attention. Jerk. The only solution is to pet her. For hours. If you put your hands under the covers she will find them.
My cat Frank is a jerk. We finally got new furniture and flooring and he never sat on my old crappy furniture but his favorite thing to do now is jump on the sofa, get the claws out and leave nice little holes on the new sofa. Jerk! Then he comes running throught the living room on the new hardwood florr and skids to a stop leaving a nice claw trail. Jerk! I have agood mind to get him declawed!
Excellent site! It’s nice to know other people’s cats are jerks too! My cat, Pumpkin (I noticed anothher poster, Jan, has a cat called Pumpkin too – high five!) is the most lovable jerk I’ve ever met. She refuse to go to the toilet outside, and will scratch at the door to to come in to do her business (whilst kicking litter all over the floor). She loves to wake me up at 4.30 am for breakfast, and then again every 15 minutes until I give in and have to get up and feed her. She also scratches the hell out of my bookcase and wardrobe – I constantly have wood shavings on my bedroom floor.
The best thing she does though (non-jerky, just amazing), is bring my slippers to the bottom of the stairs from my berdroom everyday when I’m at work. She carries them in her mouth like a puppy. Amazing!
I just discovered your blog yesterday when someone posted a link on Twitter. Since I got home yesterday from work I experienced post #’s 3, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 16, 17, 21, 22, 26, 28, 32, 33 and 34 all within a 12 hour period.
Cats are difintely jerks.
When it comes to water, my cat, Smokes, is the biggest jerk of them all. He refuses to drink out of a regular water bowl. Every time I set down a glass of water, he is all over it like he has been traveling in the Sahara for a month. I finally tried to beat him at his own game and replace his water bowl for a large mug. This worked for about a month, but then I noticed he started drinking out of every other water producer in my home….sinks, faucets, toilets and my roommate’s dog’s water dish were not excluded. I finally had to give in and buy him a cat fountain (this is his second one because the first one broke after my pet sitter forgot to refill it and the motor burned out). My cat is such a jerk…such a sweet, adorable, teeth grinding jerk.
My cat is a jerk. I always sleep with my cat at night. I have night terrors and having her cute cuddly fatness next to me really helps my night terrors go away. But around 3 to 4 in the morning, Autumn decides it’s time to be let out of the room. But she can’t just walk out the door when I open it for her– oh no, that would be TOO easy. She instead decides that either, I need to catch her first, or one of my books must be shredded before I can let her out. Her favorite thing to do is crawl up into the box spring mattress which she conveniently pulled all the black lining off of, so she has access to the wood supports. From there, she will claw the inside of the mattress and generally make as much racket as she possibly can. And when I get up, she will hide on the beam and stare at me. I can’t fit under my bed and she knows it. I have to find something, such as a broom handle, to prod her out from under there. But sometimes, she’s in a “good” mood, and decides to go easy on me. Instead of hiding, she’ll get into all my lovely, well cared for, paper back books and stick her pointy claws as deep into the pages as she can. My poor books Her aim is to make me panic and rush out of bed to stop her, at which point she will calmly strut to the door, tail high in the air, and stare at the door knob. My cue to let her out. At least she doesn’t make me try to catch her -_-
Also, my comment was #100 YaYness
We have 3 pets; two cats and a dog. Only one of them, our oldest cat Baxter, is a total jerk. When he’s feeling particularly feisty, and isn’t happy about my husband and I hitting the snooze button, he bangs on our blinds. He will jump up on a nearby table, and hit our window blinds with his paw until we are so angry we get out of bed to chase him. He runs, fearing for his life, but if we try to go back to sleep again, he’ll come back to bang the blinds some more. Or, he uses our mattress as a scratch post. I usually try to leave things on my nightstand (bottle lids, hair clips, etc) to throw at him when he’s pulling this stuff.
My cat is an indoor/outdoor cat. If she wants to go out, she’ll come into the living room meowing at all of us, and if we don’t jump up right away to let her out, she’ll get on the table and chew the bottom of the lampshade.
When she wants to come in (this is totally unpredictable time-wise) she will jump up into the window box planter and stare at us through the window – killing the flowers!
We purchased a rotisserie chicken from Boston Market, accidentally left it uncovered, and when I walked into the kitchen, she was on the counter gnawing away at the meat!
When I try to make my bed, she decides that’s when she wants to lay down and relax, in the middle of the bed, before any clean sheets are on it!
I love my cat with all my heart, but she can be a jerk!
My cat Pi (as in 3.14…) has the most adorable habit of waking me up in the middle of the night to give him a snack- this is his nightly habit. He is a beautiful black cat with lovely green eyes and is well aware that in the dead of night if he hides in the corner of my room, i can’t see him as he chirps (that’s right, he chirps!). I used to blindly thrash around the room from my bed with the threat of a pillow which proved completely pointless, the cat came back. If, I attempt the bold idea of closing my bedroom door to get a peaceful nights sleep, then I will have the same treatment at the door and i can hear him squishing his face as close into the door as he can…oh and I forgot to mention he scratches the door lightly. I’ve tried ear plugs which i find to be the strangest sensation, covering my head with a pillow and just trying to ignore him and nothing works. So, tonight as I stumble my way down the hall to feed my little Pi Pi- my nightly walk of shame where I am truly reminded of who owns whom- I shall take some consolation in the stories above I’ve just come to read and know that I am not the only one who has a cat who is also a jerk
Someone peed on our bed this morning, AFTER everyone was up and about. Problem is, it could have been one of the three cats – Gracie, Stripey or Taiko, OR one of the smaller dogs – Clementine or Zoe. I am treating them all as guilty, although I cleaned three different litter boxes before that happened, so I feel really unappreciated!
Michele, I am with you totally. The first way to determine who did it is simple. CAT PEE STINKS! Sometimes when my female dog pees in the house on the floor on accident, I always wonder if it’s water. No STINK LIKE A CAT, MALE OR FEMALE. Also are they all fixed? and are the all the same age.
After you determine all this, write back so we can determine which one of the jerks did it!
Thanks for the offer of help, CrazyCat Lady! One of the kids came clean later in the day about a crazy play romp with dog #3 (Zoe, a jack russel/chihuahua mix) on the bed, so I am pretty sure she peed herself with excitement.
That saidI live with three kittyjerks: Gracie, 16, a long haired white spayed female, who only tolerates the other pets but who adores me and our son. She loved babies, and purred them all to sleep when they were little, but now finds the girls borth too dog oriented. She pukes everywhere, despite excellent food (Orijen rocks) and hairball remedies, and will do anything to escape when I approach with the brush. She refuses to use the heated cat bed I bought her due to her extreme skinniness and advanced age, or any cat beds of any description. She tries to steal my breakfast every morning, and nibbles my nose and eyelashes when I am sleeping. I cleared out space for a new litter box in our bathroom closet so she would not have to hurry down to the basement from the second floor at her age. So far only the boys are using it.
The two boy jerks (Stripey and Taiko) are just attention hogs, although Taiko sprawls out everywhere, knocking things off of every surface. he is a true lover boy, who considers everyone everywhere worthy of purrs and kisses. He cuddles with our son until he is asleep, and comes to give us kisses. he does love to stick his butt in my Dh’s face and to lay all over the keyboards…..Stripey demands attention whenever you venture into his domains (basement and our bedroom), and will grab and keep your hands if you quit petting too quickly.
They all distribute hair and dander everywhere (I am allergic, but they are worth it). I just love those little jerks!
I love your blog! I have three little cat jerks. I call them furry little morons. One eats tape and chews on cords(he is 10), one pukes everywhere (she is 11) but the queen jerk of them all just turned twenty. She likes to sleep on my head every chance she gets and I’d be cool with that but she likes to play patty cake with my eyelashes to wake me up so I can feed her. And nothing but the best will do for my little queen jerk. One week she will eat Fancy Feast but the next its the worst garbage in the world. But I love my little jerks with all my heart- they are the children I never had.
Love your site! Mostly because I can relate, all too hideously well.
Our cat is named Tinkerbell. We call her Stink for a variety of reasons, but mostly because she has gas (offense #1). She half-Siamese, half-Tabby, so the snobbery is genetic. While she can be a loving sweetheart, prancing through the house whenever someone comes home, it is simply because she is a user.
She picks random people to love at any point during the day. I get home maybe 15 minutes before my boyfriend does. She will love all over me as if I had been off to war. The minute my boyfriend gets home, she leaps over to him and rubs on him enough that he will be forced to pick her up, where she will hug his shoulder, frantically rub her face on him and then give me a dog-shit look, reminding me that I am second to her first love.
She is also a fat ass. While she looks lean and slender, she has manipulated my boyfriend into: 1. Having a private bowl of food in the bedroom, so that our other cat cannot enjoy it; just to be safe, she devours it as quickly as possible JUST IN CASE the other one gets in. 2. She has a private tea-cup for water. Drinking out of water bowls is below her. She must drink out of cups and our tea-cups fit her head best. If she is not fed before we go to bed, she will sit at the door that we close at night and scratch. It is the most annoying sound on God’s green earth. Ignoring her doesn’t work. Yelling her name doesn’t even make her twitch. We are forced to get up at 4 AM to let her out so she can continue to be a complete fat ass. Sometimes this will happen 4-5 times if she wasn’t fed previously.
If she was fed, she’ll scratch at around 6:00 to be let out so she can run at full speed around the apartment for no reason whatsoever. Then she’ll return to fall back asleep, regardless of how she’s interrupted our sleep and we have to work in the morning.
Our second cat is sickly. We’ve brought her to the vet and she has a feline version of Crone’s disease. She’s also very, very small and sweet as sugar. Stink’s response? Beat the crap out of her as often as possible. For no reason. Run around the apartment until she finds her to swat at her once and leave. What a jerk.
The only reason we keep her is because she’s sweet and seems to have a sense when one of us is upset. If a fight is brewing between my boyfriend and me, she will sit directly in front of our faces so we can no longer see each other (which makes fighting very difficult). She lays on our chest if we’ve had a hard day or insists on being in our laps when she’s not a lap cat otherwise. She poops in her box (except if she gets mad at us for going away for the weekend. Then she unapologetically craps at our door, waits for us to come home, looks at the pile and then looks back at us as if to say, “See what you made me do?”).
Yet, knowing she’s a complete and utter jerk, we can’t live without her. And for that, she wins.
No jerk cats right now, just a bratty chinchilla.
Chin’s are suppose to be vegtarians with senstive digestive system. Chi Chi however is really into ” people food” espically – and for no particular reason- chicken. She will climb to scary chinchilla heights and go to great length to get a nibble of a piece of chicken. Unforunatly , rodents don’t understand negative reenforcement, or this one chooses not too- so short of tramatizing the brat, swatting her away is the only option.
Shes also a quater rooster. Every morning at 5:30am she’s up…no matter what…and she’s bored in 15 mintutes..so she destroy her cage..loudly and unrelenting…
I have four cats, all jerks in their own way. They’re called Evil Cat, Random, Dr.Robert Oppenheimer and Puds. Only Puds actually likes me.The other three will only acknowledge my existence when they are hungry(which is ALL the time). Puds is the only one who likes me and interacts with me. but she will only do this when no one else is looking. When she’s on her own with me she’s the friendliest, most playful furball you’ve ever seen. But when other people are around she’s like a feral lunatic. I don’t get it.
My 8 year old male cat is a big ole jerk. We adopted him when he was a year old and spoiled the crap out of him…celebrated his birthdays for the first three years with a cake, hats, and gifts! The little jerk just put his tail up in the air, turned his head, and went into the other room to take a nap while we sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
When we adopted him he was an average 5 or 6 pounds with short black hair and gorgeous glowing green eyes. Well, he must have been sneaking into the pantry or finding a way to trot down to the 7-11 down the road for midnight snacks because today he is a whopping 25 pounds! When he jumps off a chair to the floor, the house shakes. The little jerk must also have a positive self-image because he loves to lie on my chest once I am sound asleep and he will stay there until I wake up gasping for breath. The jerk actually gives me attitude for knocking him off so I can start breathing again, as if I had the nerve to disrupt HIS rest.
My jerk also throws up, but he won’t eat it. I tried to get him to so I wouldn’t have to clean it up, but he’s a smart jerk, darn it. If my daughter doesn’t feed him his food before she leaves for school in the morning then he has to wait until I get out of bed for his breakfast. By that time he is so pitifully malnourished (hear the violins?) that he wolfs down the measured 1/2 cup of diet dry cat food, which he then ends up vomiting within half an hour.
The jerk normally goes into hiding for most of the day unless he wants attention. He doesn’t destroy household items, except for plants, which he will shred and leave evidence of destruction all over the table and floor. He’s an indoor cat, but he tries his darndest to sneak out the door as soon as it is open. If he happens to make it past us he is too scared to go anywhere or do anything; he will just hide behind the bush and maybe nibble on a leaf until we have to save him.
The jerk gets so exhausted sometimes that when he walks from one room to the next he will literally allow his body to fall to the floor in a sideways motion so that he looks like a puff-ball with his legs sticking out at odd angles because there is too much fat for him to put his legs together. When he sits his profile reminds me of the character Jabba the Hutt from “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.” His body is this big blob with a little head placed on top.
Don’t let the jerk’s weight fool you, though. He runs laps around this house as if a bucket of water were chasing him and he jumps onto surfaces about 4 feet off the floor with ease. The jerk has us all fooled.
The jerk’s name, you ask? Jason. Jason Pickle.
My cats name is Baby Luv. She is a 4 year old mix breed. I thought giving her a sweet name might make her sweet, but she is a totally jerk! She is as jerky as Pants and Jezebel! She hides clothing, hides her toys, meows for food then kicks it around and runs. She also runs away from me even though I am the one that cleans and feeds her. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stuffing out of this grey furred jerk.
Still, there is one thing that she does that just makes me very unpleased. She likes to lay with me late at night and watch adult swim with me. When I am tired and decide to go to bed, she crawls up to the top of the bed with me and we nestle down to sleep. Then she turns bi-polar! I pet her she begins to attack me, she beats me with her tail, and then tries to push me off the bed. After fighting she decides she no longer wants to sleep with me. She jumps off my bed and begins to knock things off my bookcase. At that point I kick her out of my room.
After about an hour she returns, meowing sadly at my door. I let her in and then we go back to bed.
It’s cute and all now because she is a nuzzly and cute.
But then the sun comes up and she wakes me up by smothering with her paw, smacking me with her paw, or coming up really close to my face to give me a heart attack.
So to sum that all up. Baby Luv is a jerk.
I lost my giant jerk of a best friend three years ago. I can’t count the number of times I uttered the words “Presley, you’re such a JERK!” over his sixteen years of jerky life. This particular fifteen-pound tyrant started out his life as a dairy-farm runt, riddled with fleas, ear mites and intestinal parasites. We rescued him from this terrible life and delivered him to the lap of love and kitty luxury; Regular vet visits (meaning: a kid would’ve been cheaper), the EXPENSIVE food, all the best toys, beds and litter boxes, and a companion of inferior intelligence to abuse any time he wanted. And how did he display his gratitude? By being a jerk, of course.
Presley lived a long life, but not for lack of trying. He nearly died dozens of times. Of ASTHMA. Yes, our CAT had ASTHMA. Cats aren’t supposed to HAVE asthma, they’re supposed to give humans asthma. Not Presley. The vet said it was exacerbated by cold and stress. What did this cat have to be stressed about? Of course, in an effort improve his symptoms, we tried to minimize his stress, kept his room warm (yes, he had his own room, and yes, WE had high electricity bills) and dust became the enemy. He no longer got to go outside, which of course only made him mad. At us. Jerk.
Of course, he needed medication, in the form of pills, sometimes up to four times a day, and because this was life-saving treatment, he calmly cooperated when the time came to give him a dose. Hold it. No. That would’ve been if he WASN’T a jerk. What actually happened was that he fought the process as though we were trying to kill him instead of saving his jerky little life. He fought with the dedication and determination of a mental patient refusing court-ordered thorazine.
It took two of us to do it – one to hold his flailing, clawing little body down and one to pry his mouth open and jam the pill as far down his throat as it would go. Then we’d hold his mouth shut for what seemed like minutes and wait for him to swallow, and when we were sure, certain, absolutely CONVINCED he’d swallowed it, we’d pry it open and look around. If we didn’t see the pill in his mouth, only then would we let him go, because as soon as we did, he’d run away and hide, and all opportunity for a second try was lost.
After all that, every now and then I’d still come across a pill on the floor and completely PANIC. Which dose did he miss? Was he going to have an attack? How did he get it by us? JERK.
Yo– my cat pees near the front window ONLY when we have company that STAY too long! Too long varies dependent on the company.
I agree with him MOST if not all of the time. It is making me crazy though cause we have now replaced the silk couch-wanted a new one anyway–and now the Belgium Linen drapes are off to the cleaners..he has moved from the couch area [rubbed his nose in it-really] and he doesn’t use the new one….he now pees in front of that window on the edge of the drapery.
HELP! I don’t mind that he feels like expressing himself–but how can I keep him from getting that pissed off–gotta be something we can do…..HELP…
If you response has to do with offing him, getting rid of him, or putting him outside don’t bother posting. Just real good advice from jerky cat owners would be welcomed:)
Hi Z, I’ve had all kinds of jerks in almost 50 years. First he has to be fixed. He will spray everywhere if he is not fixed. That is, he will back his butt up to a wall, a plant, a chair, a door, a curtain, a couch, anything! and he will spray, spray, spray some very bad smelling urine.
Get a cheap voucher from your county to fix him.
Next, when you have company, leave him in his own room with his litter box and food and some toys. Get him pine litter and see which food he likes best; wet or dry.
Cats don’t care about nose rubs for being cats. They like their smells; that is why they smell each others butts, especially when they live in a group like mine!
Try these things just like I tell you and let me know. I’ll get you out of your fix. Every cat will be your friend with time. S
I lost my passport and social security card the other day. When I left for work that morning, I came across my identity papers on the dining table and made a mental note to file them away upon my return home.
Lo and behold, that evening, I could not find either document. I searched high and low, but to no avail. I cycled thru all the possibilities: perhaps i misplaced it, perhaps I left it in my car, dropped it in the parking lot, maybe someone broke into my home, or perhaps I was just plain losing it! As a last resort I decided to check under the sofa where my JERK keeps all all of her stolen ‘stash.’
And there it was, out of all bright, colorful, shiny things my jerky cat could have pilfered off the dining table, she chooses my passport and my social security card!! JERK! (Or should I say, fraudster, identity thief, charlatan, trickster, …)
At first I thought it was cute, so I left the bathroom sink tap on at all times so that Dozer could have fresh water. Then I moved into an apartment with a pedestal sink in the bathroom and Dozer was too large to perch on the edges and drink. I put out a bowl of water. Three days later, the bowl of water remained untouched and Dozer was STILL crying in the bathtub. Crying and whining and rolling about in what I believe was completely contrived agony. Fifty dollars later, Dozer was happy again, drinking out of his new cat water fountain. Fifty dollar jerk purchase.
Dozer is a whiner. He whines for attention, he whines for me to turn the tap on for him, he whines for cuddles, but he whines the MOST for food. Even if his bowl is full of food, he will whine and yowl and carry on as if he is starving. Sometimes I just go to his full food bowl, dump it all back into the food bag, then serve him over again, and he seems somewhat satisfied. But, ten minutes later he is crying at his bowl again, begging to be fed. Sometimes he cries between mouthfuls, shooting me looks that say “How could you let me starve like this?”
I give Dozer everything. He sleeps in my bed, he has tonnes of toys, his litter box is cleaned often, he has his water fountain, a bowl always full of food, tonnes of cuddles and playtime, a HUGE porch to play on with lots of sun, PLUS I even got him his own cat for company! He lives like a king. I’d go so far as to say he lives better than me!
But he is still a jerk. A big, fat, hallway-pissing, leather-couch-scratching, whining, ‘starving’ jerk.
BUT, he loves car rides and I get to take him to see Santa every year and I am told he is the best-behaved pet EVER! That sort of makes up for his jerkishness. But not completely….
I love your blog! Thanks!!!
Love your blog!
My old cat, Dickens, figured out that if she peed down the floor vents… the smell would propagate throughout the house and despite our searching, and floor shampooing, and spraying, and baking soda, and condemning of the cat to the garage… we would never get rid of the smell until we figured it out.
…which wasn’t until 2 years later.
Cat 2.0 we toilet trained. Yes, we bought the little book and little trainer kit, and toilet trained the cat. I HATE kitty litter. However, before using the toilet, he must perform the sacred cat ritual of spastic twitching and sprinting and aerial acrobatics, all which center around freaking the hell out of the dog, who then whimpers and cries until the pre-potty torture stops. This all happens from 4:15-4:45 AM without fail.
Not only do I have a jerk cat, but my boyfriend also has 2 jerk cats.
My own cat pretty much makes it her mission to destroy things. She destroys my mother’s furniture, but if you leave anything, and I mean anything, on any flat surface, she head butts it until it falls off the edge, usually breaking it. She also enjoys sleeping in the exact centre of any bed and when you only have a single it makes it quite dificult to get a good nights sleep.
Now as for my boyfriends cats.. one stares deeply into my soul contemplating the best way to destroy me, while the other one rips around the house having spaz attacks at all hours of the day. between the two of them it is nearly impossible to get a nights sleep (between the stepping on your face, meowing for no reasion at all, knocking things over and just being general jerks). I have often contemplated sending them off for adoption in order to just get more than 2 seconds of peace and quiet
I fear my life is doomed by jerk cats and there will be no escaping them for years to come
I don’t even need to talk about my cat being a jerk stories b/c your 2 sum up my 1 haha must be a black female cat thing LOL Thanks for the good laughs and knowing I’m not alone!
I love the stories, your two cats equal my one Belladonna, i don’t get the whole plastic chewing thing. And she only wants me to pet her when im trying to do stuff. As im writing this she is tearing up my husbands favorite chair. But that’s Bella and we love her.
I definitely have a Jerk Cat! So my parents bought him for me for my 14th or 15th birthday, he was so small and cute and innocent. Until he grew up and started Peeing on any clothes that got left on my floor! Or bringing mice into the house so he can catch them only to let them go, the sadistic little bastard. His favorite thing to do is walk across the keyboard when im typing or just lay down on my papers while im working.
My two cats are jerks. We found 7 vomits underneath our bed and spent all day cleaning the carpet. When we finally went to bed, there was a fresh vomit on one of the pillows. They also vomit on the couch. Both of my cats will eat any string/ribbon/necklaces they find and then when it won’t completely come out when they try to shit it out, they wipe their bums all over the floor trying to dislodge the ribbon, smearing shit all over the floor (and their bums). One cat likes to bring me live cockroaches and spiders at 4am. Another climbs the screen doors, pulling holes in the mesh. One cat costs me $450 at the vet every 6 months to have her teeth cleaned because she refuses to chew her cat food, even the large ‘oral care’ biscuits and treats I buy her. We now have to brush her teeth every day. The other cat insists on walking across my laptop 10-20 times per night. One cat peed in my clothes basket because I took their third litter tray away. My cats are jerks but I still love the little buggers.
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Gomez was named as such because when I adopted him he looked like he could be the feline incarnation of Gomez Addams, from the Addams Family. He is a black and white tuxedo cat, with white whiskers and wide, angry, yellow eyes. He was very suave and adorable as a kitten, but as he aged he began to show signs of just being a real jerk. His name did very much become him I realized the day he was randomly surprised by the yoga ball. He was so freaked he managed to slash it to death with his razor-sharp claws – during the typical hair-raised jump-and-flip maneuver.
Other reasons the cat is a jerk:
-Cries for attention but when try to pet him or socialize with him he just runs off.
-Digs up every plant I ever bring inside, or just eats them to the dirt.
-Attacks my older cat, who is much smaller than he and bites her neck hard.
-Has been known to steal my chocolate and leave it – with bite marks – somewhere on the floor.
-Eats like a pig.
-If I close a door behind me and he doesn’t get to come in he will tear up the carpet there and if there is no carpet, will claw at the bottom of the door in a futile attempt to open it, but manages to ruin the door in the process. Also, he cries. Very loudly.
-He darts out of the house on rare occasions, usually heads for the porch or under the house. And then he cries. Very Loudly. Will he let you drag him out? No. He wants to spend at least one night out there crying.
- Huffs at me when I am not doing something to his liking, which is always. He also likes to thump his tail loudly against surfaces to show me he is that much more displeased.
- You can’t play with him, because his first “playful swipe” always draws blood. He likes to hook his claw into a really tender spot, and then jerk on it.
my cat sugar is a pretty big jerk. when my boyfriend and i are in the middle of “business” she loves to bust open the door wide open, jump on the bed, and start to knead the bed and lay down. gosh what a jerk!
MoJo is a jerk. I saved him from certain death on his way to the shelter. How does he repay me? He is a puking machine. He can’t seem to produce a true hairball, hence any time there is a random hair in his gut, the entire contents of his stomach is expelled. Usually after eating. And drinking large volumes of water. Always on the carpet. What a jerk. I’ve been told by the vet he is just a puker. He’s a talker. He won’t shut up. Meow, meow, meow, etc., etc. He is jealous of anything I am remotely interested in, yet when I try to pet him, he ducks out of the way and runs for cover. Jerk. He feels it is his responsibility to make sure I am awake before the snooze button sets the alarm ringing again. He walks all around my pillow, my sleeping head bobbing back and forth, then moves to stage 2 by crawling over my face, dragging his hairy belly over my half-open eyelids, assuring that I will be plucking cat hair from my eyes all day. Jerk. He cries for food, then takes 2 bites and walks away. He waits until I am at a critical point in my video game to suddenly jump up on the desk and in front of the computer screen, assuring a loss for me. He misses the desk often, and shreds my legs on the way down. Double jerk. He thinks his best angle is the view you get from his rear, but only when he’s in your lap and can swipe his tail across your face. He tries this with all my guests. Jerk. But he makes me laugh when he chases his tail and catches it, and when he gazes into my hairy eyeballs, my heart melts. jerk!
My cat Moses is the king of jerks. He has ripped every window screen in the house and acts like he is innocent. Never covers his poop, steals my chair, knocks over garbage cans, knows how to open every door in the house, eats corn off the cob, pushes the other cats out of the way for food, rips up carpets and chairs, and we have to keep vegetables covered because he loves to play with those. He does all of this while acting innocent and sweet.
My cat is a huge jerk. I usually have my bedroom door closed, so whenever he wants to come in, he just slaps the door and meows. That happens a lot, but the thing is, mostly every time I open the door for him, he just stands there and stations his butt on the side of the door! Sometimes, he takes two steps in, surveys the area and leaves! He only actually stays in my room about 2% of the time… What a jerk!
My best friend’s family LOVES cats. She had three cats from when she was little (Sushi Cat, named for the fact that she’ll only eat the finest sushi, Oscarade, named for his love of masks and her love of the name Oscar (he literally ate himself to death sadly) and Nibbles, named for the fact that she loved to nibble on everything) then before she died she adopted several others. She was going through a Final Fantasy stage so she named them all after those characters; Cloud (who was a coward), Sephiroth (who was the ultimate jerk and would beat on Cloud everyday), Aeirth (who would just walk by and meow annoyingly), and Chocobo (who was incredibly stupid). Her uncle has the Queen Jerk of the Jerk kingdom. Her name is Halloween Scare (Halle for short). She would kill you if she could. Now she has an orange mate named Jack ‘O Lantern. He is equally as jerky as she is.
I myself have one cat who is getting rather old and her name is Sadie. She is my baby and I love her to death but she asserts her jerkitude by leaving whenever she has had enough of you and making you give her love whenever it is convenient for her, eating and drinking the dog’s (Jasper) food and water, and meowing at everything plus making you let her outside through not the backdoor but the front door when we have a doggy door for her to go through.
Oh I have a jerk cat alright, in fact I have elven. I know what you’re thinking, what is this nutcase doing with elven cats?! Well, I’m twenty years old now, as a kid I was constantly bringing home strays. My mom was convinced I could talk to animals or something. Birds, mice, frogs, cats, you name it, I brought it home at one point. So needless to say I’d find little scrawny kittens and bring them home, and my mom was defenseless against not only one, but two sets of big sad eyes gleaming up at her. Out of all the cats there are two that are “mine” and they are complete jerks…
Munchkin is my girl, and I’m obviously the favorite. She hated my mom for the longest time. Once she knocked the screen out of my bedroom window (jerk) and got outside. My mom looked for her for hours, and eventually found her curled up under a bush, but instead of being rescued she bit my mom and took off again! So I rushed home and eventually found her sitting on a stump, and scooped her up with no problem. Munchkin is also a puker… I’m not so fond of her at 2am when I hear her tell tale gagging and know I’ll have to hunt for that slimy hairball in the morning… All in all, Munchkin is my loyal and devoted little girl. She would sit on my lap all day, and quite often tries to do so. When ever I remove the queen from her thrown, she meows in protest (I swear it sounds like shes saying no), digs her claws in and then gives up. After our struggle she’ll usually plop down about five feet away, glare at me, and sigh. I’m not kidding. This cat sighs.
Elphaba (named after the witch in the musical Wicked) never wants to be bothered when you want her. She’ll run from you with a look of sheer terror at the thought of being loved on. But when Elphaba wants you, well then Hell can just freeze over to suit her. She will cry and wander from room to room convinced she has been abandoned until you call her, then she comes running right up to you and purrs away. But the minute you try to pick her up, it’s back to hiding under the bed. Elphaba also likes shiny things, aka the stickers I’ve been too lazy to take off my bedroom door from my preteen years. Now days she’s just doing me a favor by peeling the things from my door and doesn’t do it very often anyways. But when I was thirteen and she did it just about every day I thought it was the most evil thing ever! I think the only reason she does it now is just to bring on a feeling of nostalgia as she remembers how upset she used to make me…
My cats are Kind-Of Jerks. Personally, I think they’re still in that We’re-So-Bloody-Cute-You-Love-To-Love-Us! stage. *shrug*
I have two (2) cats, Pretty and Kitt.
I would have MORE but my mom absolutely hates them and would probably kill me if I brought another one home. And I like life. *sigh*
Pretty is the younger of the two, about two years old. She’s mainly gray with white patches all over, namely her feet and the front protion of her face. She’s short-haired.
Kitt, on the other hand, is long-haired and entirely black. It’s that deep, glossy black that you wish you had for your hair because its so amazingly smooth and tangle-free. She’s about three or four years old. We’re not sure.
Both of them are strays. From different towns.
Pretty is from our current town. I know because I heard she mewing in the middle of frikkin’ winter (November) and was like “Kitty?” and she came running at from the darkness and I scooped her up and brought her inside. For a while, I was actually afraid Kitt was going to KILL her so I let her sleep in my bed for all of three days. She now expects to be let in whenever she wants.
Kitt is from a town about 45 minutes away. You can tell that she was once with a family because not only is she comfortable around humans and the first one to go up to someone new to be petted, but she’s fixed (*hisses in anger*). Mom knew I wanted a cat and ta-dah! We got Kitt.
Mom wanted to name Kitt herself. She wanted to name her Luci…fer.
I said no. So her name’s Kitt Katt, Kitt for short because we’re dorks.
Pretty… well, I thought ‘she’ was a ‘he’ at first but my little brother was adament that Pretty was female. When I asked why, he told me “Because girl cats have TWO buttholes and boys only have ONE. So there.” And I was trying so hard not to smile, let alone laugh, that I just agreed with him and he was right. Lol.
Okay, so far for quirks we have: Kitt. Kitt was REALLY shy when we first got her. She would stay in one part of the house and only leave to eat and do her business. Now, however, she’s very eager to just be petted. Surprisingly, she jumped up my grandma’s lap, calm as could be, and just sat there, flicking her tail. Confident lil brat, huh? And of course, my grandma petted (pet?) her.
Kitt also loves plastic bags, like the ones from the grocery store. You see, we leave the empty and partially full grocery bags in our front room. It’s our “Pantry” of sorts until we either get more crap or clean it up. Kitt, however, loves those bags so damn much, she will HISS at you if you try to take them away. She’s even made a little nest out of them. Kinda cute but now we’ve got, like, the Leaning Tower of Plastic Sacks in our front room. *eye roll*
Pretty. She loves paper bags and plastic things and chewing on shit that’s not meant to be chewed on(!!!). She’ll get curious when she sees a paper sack and go inside it. One time–roflmao–she stuck her head into my [empty] brown paper bag that was used to hold an apple for my lunch (and other crap but yeah) and she couldn’t get it out! OMFG, funniest thing EVER! She was walking around and draggingit on the ground, trying to get her head out of it. Lol.
Both of them, however, absolutely adore cardboard boxes. In fact, they love them so much that we now have a pile of variously sized cardboard boxes in the middle of our living room. Pretty is currently lying on the biggest one (it’s upside down so plenty of room) while Kitt is hiding somewhere amongst the miscellanious toys and other assorted crap we have in here. It’s great to watch them fight for a box; one cat inside, the other one outside.
My cats enter the jerk side though, when Kitt, normally shy and quiet, lies in them middle of the path she knows my mom is going to walk on and just refuses to move until my mom stomps her foot, effectively cowing her and sending her running. Kitt also pukes up just about everything she eats. I’m starting to worry if she’s bulimic. Seriously, its gotten that bad. It’s like, one out of every three meals ends up on the carpet (yes, CARPET) of our living room floor. It’s never the frikkin’ hardwood kitchen floor, no, it’s the carpet. Always the carpet. Actually, for a while, Pretty was pretty bad too. She went through a “OMFGMYTERRITORYBITCHES!” phase and peed on everything. It. Was. Horrible. We had to replace my bathroom carpet it got so bad. Not to mention that Kitt seems to think its perfectly fine to just leave patches of her fur on the floor randomly when she’s shedding. And Pretty seems enamored with the fabric of our couches and chairs. She also has a habit of attempting to trip me while I’m walking (key word: attempting). wtf?
‘Course, the great thing about them is that they think I’m their mommy and they only really listen to me. <3!
Hesitant to call Urrow a jerk; I’m far too fond of the little tabby. She has ONE habit that drives me around the bend:
WALKING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF THE MONITOR, whether I am trying to USE the computer, or kick back and watch Hulu on it.
I dun’ get it. I give that cattie gobs of attention, exercise, the best food. I get her live crickets to play with and share my friggin’ sushi with her. She knows I love her.
But if she wants attention she’ll do the Monitor Walk, and lately she added STAND ON TWO LEGS AND PULL AT THE TOP EDGE OF SCREEN WITH PAWS to repertoire. THAT behaviour elicits a LOUD “NO!” and a hard clap from me and is the only time I ever yell at my cat. If she chucks monitor onto floor and breaks it I am a million shades of screwed, I’m thinking of duct taping the base to the desk.
[NOTE TO SELF: BUY DUCTTAPE *TODAY*]
The thing is I love that cat so much it’s ludicrous. We basically saved each other’s lives, fairly literally, in ’09.
She had to go this far to get me to just raise my voice at her.
Maybe she’s doing this MONITOR RELATED CRAP just to prove she isn’t a DOG or will ever let her love of me make her act DOGGISH…as she knows I DON’T LIKE DOGS at ALL (they are sycophants, plus they eat their own poo and then they slobber on you, need I say more…) so she has to be just enough of a cattie-jerk, to get the message across.
As Human and Cat in dyadic relationship (shared-room platonic cuddle-affair sort) we agree on everything else and our habits do not clash in any other way.
But that gives me no clues as to how to get her to quit this so I GUESS it’s kind of moot.
So maybe she had to invent one, just to prove her Catness.
I have 2 jerks. One is mine, one is my roommate’s. They are 6 and 1yrs old. My jerk, Kitten has never really cared much for female cats. By cared for, I mean I’m pretty sure he’s gay. He was also recently fixed (I got him fixed in hopes that he would stop humping me when he lays on my chest — not even kidding, it’s disturbing), but that shouldn’t stop him from at least showing sexual interest in another cat. However, as I expected, he shows no interest. My roommate’s jerk, Phindy has tormented Kitten since the day he got here. She attacks his legs for no reason. She pounces on him. He does nothing to instigate fighting, infact he just runs away. Phindy’s been in heat and she’ll follow him around, meowing, and he doesn’t seem to care. I guess Phindy got sick of a male cat ignoring her during heat, cause now she escapes out the door when we get home. She never tried to escape before Kitten moved in and failed to show interest in her. Phindy meows like she’s being murdered in the middle of the night. She shits where she pleases. Kitten will eat only some of his food, then go eat all of Phindy’s food out of spite I think, So I have to feed them seperately then hide the food dishes. Kitten will bite you if he doesn’t like where your hand is. He refuses to cuddle except on rare occasions. They both walk all over my laptop and act startled when I toss them and yell. The expression on Phindy’s face always reminds me of one of those snobby bitches you remember from high school, and Kitten’s reminds me of the innocent quiet outcast…..he’s by far the lesser of the jerks. But I love them both and wouldn’t give them up for anything.
I have 3 jerk cats. Salem (eldest) who is a farm cat, stays outdoors and pretends she doesn’t know you until you feed her. Swiper (a stray who visits so we pretend he’s ours) some days he couldn’t give less of a crap if you danced infront of him, others, you walk into a room and he craps himself and leaves. Twm (the biggest jerk) is ignorant and leaves her black catty fur everywhere. Massive cathole.
My cat is a total jerk, not only can it relate to most of your stories; Steve McQueen, every night without fail, bites my face so I’ll pet him.
10 Reasons my 13 lb tabby-Siamese, Zeke, is a jerk:
1. he wracks up our water bill by flushing the toilet while were gone
2. he enjoys long leisurely MRRROWWWS daily while stairing at the wall
3. he is constantly under foot to make sure you trip as you’re trying to either go to the bathroom or feed him
4. when really hungry, he will nip at your feet until he gets what he wants
5. we no longer have a screen door. it now looks like grunge fishnet stockings…
6. boxes are no longer your property and no, you do NOT have the right to throw them away without enduring a storm of claws, hisses, and teeth concentrated on your hands
7. oh, the sink is his domain as well… do not move his highness!
8. he eats way too quickly, throws it up in 7 different spots and then demands more food, going through steps 2, 3 & 4.
9. kisses are the enemy, he really enjoys the wonderful taste of face flesh when watching tv, cooking or laying on the couch.
10. after a few mind boggling escapes, we attempted a sting operation to figure out how the HECK he was getting out! after hours of waiting, finally we caught the little jerk opening up the FRONT DOOR, unlocking it and sauntering right out side so he can continue his long MRRROOWWWS and chase spiders.
what a jerk.
When i’m in bed, Magic will walk up my body, stand majestically on my chest, do the head bump thing, then suddenly realize there’s a tasty spot on his foot he forgot to pedi with his tongue, so as you do, he braces his furry butt and associated parts on my face while he proceeds to go on with his grooming cause you know .. its easier to keep his balance that way. Think on that view. What’s worse? The first times i was laughing so helplessly hard i couldn’t breathe and he walked off all “Talk to the tail” after fixing me with the evil eye and making me feel like a fool for finding it funny.
I have three cats and they are all jerks. One big fat tabby (Simon) who acts like garfield and believes it is his duty to give everyone a deep liver tissue massage. A tiny little black cat (Neech) with a flat loud meow and razor sharp claws. And finally, last but not least, Riley the black and white terror that I have to follow around with a vaccuum to keep the house clean. All night, my fiance and I sleep in awkward contortionist positions around the cats. Simon steps right where it hurts every time. If you move an inch, Neech will freak out and run away, using bare skin as a launching pad. And if you walk near the bedskirt the white paws of Riley shoot out and attack whatever it can reach. If Simon is upset, he takes human-sized poos right next to the litter box (kicking him out of bed is enough to upset him). All our cats are jerks. Fuzzy little jerks. But we love them just the same don’t we.
I live with my best friend and she has two female cats and a small chihuahua. I love them to pieces. But Azula (1 year old tortie) is a big fat jerk. We have to feed the cats separately because if we don’t then Azula eats all the food and leaves barely any for Nani (4 year old Egyptian Mau), she even eats the dog food. Azula LOVES Nani, Nani barely tolerates Azula. This doesn’t stop Azula from ambushing and playing with Nani like if they were the best of friends. She loves to climb up on surfaces where she’s not allowed. She hates closed doors and will stand in front of a closed door making this adorable growly meow until we open it. And if a door is just ajar she will lean on it until it’s opened and then not even enter the room. Azula is not a lap-cat. She is friendly, curious and lovable but she only sits on our laps or lays down to snuggle when we force her to. And she hates being picked up and held. And if she decides to lay down next to us, God forbid we move or reach out to pet her because then she calmly gets up and walks away. The one thing we are trying to break her from is the biting. If we pet her long enough, Azula will bite our hands, guaranteed.
This is just ONE of the reason my cat, Karma, is a jerk. If I go to bed with wet hair, I will be awakened in the middle of the night with Karma trying to bite all the hair off my head. She gets a big mouth-full and then yanks as hard as she can. Then, because she has a big mouth-ful of hair, she starts gagging right by my ear. It is the most disgusting thing I have ever experienced and further – I’m not sure what she is trying to accomplish.
I have a cat named Joe and boy is he a jerk! He continuously tries to herd me to his food bowl because he wants me to pet him while he eats. Not just any kind of petting. It has to be the spot just above his tail and he then covetously holds his tail up rigidly to keep my hand there (kind of like a tree monkey) while chowing with gusto. My husband is disgusted by this and says I have created a monster. Oh and Joe does not like my husband. He usually leaves the room when my hubbie enters.
my cat storm loves to sit on my left shoulder. he then decides to be a jerk and claw his way down my back when he’s had enough. so my left shoulder/arm have multiple cat scars. then, his sister midnight, only sits with me when i’m on the computer or watching a movie with my boyfriend. she will then bite my hand when i stop petting her. and the second my stepfather comes home and sits down, both of them leave me and go to sit on his lap. even if he’s busy and i’m not. jerks.
I would say our cat is a jerk. We recently got a new kitten and she has always been the queen over the house, so when we got the kitten we would hear random hissing from some unknown part of the room while we pet the kitten because she would hide and hiss with just the thought of our kitten being in the same room.She has since gotten more used to her but she will now hide under a blanket to seem as though she might want to play but when our kitten goes up to it she will THUMP her on the head and then sit and wait for her to come back and she will be watching the kitten playing and she will run across the room and pounce on her and then run away again…she hasn’t hurt her and i don’t think she means to try to her the kitten i just think she is trying to let the new comer know that this is “HER” house and that the kitten better “watch it”.
my cat does about 90% of all the stuff yours do, but she has her own jerk moves:
while i’m typing something (chatting, writing an email or whatever) she likes to get in the way, climb on my keyboard and just lay there. if i try to get her off she’ll bite and hiss and she’ll just ignore me and stay
I have three cats and all of them are jerks.
Georgie is the oldest at 15. Since I have had her since I was three, she is my baby and I am not ashamed to say that I spoiled her. However whenever she gets mad at me, she takes it out on our second cat, Tiger. One day she was on my lap and I must have done something to her and she jumped down then went over and smacked Tiger on the head, then walked away. He was just laying on the floor wondering what happened.
Tiger who we’ve had for 7 years, is not only a jerk, but hes the size of a dog, not a little dog, but a good size one. He also loves the shower. I have to now lock my bathroom door when I take a shower because he’ll open the door, hop in the tub with me and attack my legs until I get out so he has the whole thing to himself. He also loves to get on my bed while I’m sleeping and bite my arms or toes.
Lilli is the baby, and she hasn’t reached full jerk status. She does however love to open the door when you are going to the bath room and then just walk out leaving the door wide open. My dad has spoiled her and now she meows whevenever anyone walks into the kitchen wanting people food.
and the only way I have had time to write is is because all three of them are outside in the back yeard.
My cat is an inside cat. We live out in a wooded area, and we have a bunch of coyotes and owls. Anyway, because I’d rather my little jerk not die, Chloe dearest doesn’t get to go outside. So, in order to hunt, she either uses the windows like a broke woman in a shopping mall, chirping at lizards and birds and spiders, or she uses… alternatives.
First, it was flip-flops. Rubber flip-flops. Her little kitty jaws must have been so strong, because she would collect these flip-flops, always one and not the other, and she would carry them up our staircase and into my bed. Because she’s my cat and she’s bringing me the kill that I should just be so proud of.
Yeah. Proud cat-parent moment, right there.
Then she moved on to plastic bags. Like, Ziplocs. Chloe would open the drawer from the kitchen counter, with her ninja-cat skills, and dive into our plastic bag supply. She would extract her prey, and play around with it until she had efficiently “killed” it. Then she would stick it under my bed, along with my sister’s flip-flops.
At one point it was bottle caps. Say, you’re drinking a bottle of water, so you unscrew the cap, set it on the table, take a swig. Reach out to put the cap back on? It’s gone, and Chloe is chasing it around the living room.
Now, she’s in an even worse stage. Hair ties. I wear ponytails quite often, and it’s summer. Chloe, however, likes my hair down. And she likes little, round, black circles to call her friends and torture. She goes into my bathroom, claws open my hair tie drawer, slides them out of it, and knocks them to the floor.
As if it’s not bad enough that, every morning, I run around with my hair sticking out of my fist, searching under beds, desks, and dressers for one stupid hair tie, my jerk of a cat has to run around the house crying, whining, and sobbing for me to notice what she’s done. I have to scream her name five times until she remembers I am where I was sitting before she embarked on her quest.
My cat is a jerk because she kills my accessories.
Oh, yes. My wee kitten (a.k.a., solid 10 year-old) boy named Gustav can be a terror. I think his particular mode of creating havoc is to bite at ankles as they begin to walk up stairs. Or to run up the stairs right in front of you. Or run down them right in front of you. Or to continue to try to eat your finger tips after you kindly give him a leaf of catnip.
All these, he will do to anyone. But he will give only my arm unwanted cat sexual attention, and cry pathetically if thwarted. Perhaps I should feel fortunate to be so privileged. I shouldn’t have been taken in by the sob story three years ago, all told by the cute little eyes.
We have two jerk cats, although one is much more a jerk than the other. Biggie, a large 17lb tabby, is a jerk because every freaking day he eats his food so fast he immediately has to go puke. Inevitably, his puking must take place on carpet, NOT the uncarpeted floor. Oh no, that would be too easy. As soon as Biggie pukes, our real jerk kitty, Shobby, comes over to eat the puke; he enjoys a warm meal! Shobby is also a jerk because he likes to knock over anything you are drinking; he refuses to be held like a normal cat; he only graces you with his presence on your lap for about 3 seconds. He’s a jerk because he acts all nervous about everything even though there is nothing to be nervous about. He does the thing where he gets in front of you in the hallway and “leads” you down the hallway, refusing to let you pass him. He’s a jerk because he is a ferocious digger in the litterbox, slinging litter, and sometimes turds, across the room. He’s a real jerk to Biggie, because he likes to pretend-rape him, holding him down with a neck bite. And he’s also a jerk because he likes my husband better than me. Although he shows him his “love” by walking up to him and biting him for no reason. Those are our jerks, but we love them!
My cat looks exactly like yours and basically does all of the same stuff. Yesterday we got a new cat, she now acts like she hates us and the new cat hides under the bed unless one of us are cuddling her. They are getting better already. But my cat is still a jerk. Except the new one…shes nice….so far. I’m expecting her to turn on me..>.> <..> just like my old cat did. but I do still love them both.
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My roomate’s cat is a jerk. Poptart sheds all over everything, immediately insists on destroying anything you pay the least bit of attention to, goes bonkers whenever you get plants and does everything in his jerky cat power to eat it/destroy it, and finally, worst of all – always, ALWAYS tries to eat your food while you are eating. SO ANNOYING.
Sooo my friend told me about this site as a result of some extremely frustrated facebook posts… I have two cats and one of them is a total JERK. I am in school and working and doing research…. when I get really busy and don’t stay home for a few days my cat gets pissed at me and pees on furniture. First it was my bed… right in front of me. Then I came home to my couch soaked (like 2feet long 1 foot wide puddle soaked in). Litterbox is clean… food and water always full… just plain vindictive. She is determined to punish me and whenever I am home she yells at me. I don’t know if she is mouthy or just plain nuts. All I can say is I am sooooo sick of changing linens and spot cleaning my furniture…
i have 2 cats, butterfly and tiger. they’re both indoor cats and spoiled. whenever we open the door to go out, tiger bolts for the door to go outside. sometimes i let him out just to see what he wants to do so badly. every time, EVERY TIME, he runs into the yard, plops down, and begins to devour all the grass he can, and then i find puke on our oriental rug… JERK
All 3 of my cats are jerks: Gilly, the oldest, is the destroyer of art, and paper. If you don’t pet her when she wants you to, she puts on her sassy ears (straight back), sits down, and flicks her tail. She then proceeds to systematically knock over anything she can by swiping it with her paws, clawing it, etc. Yelling at her sometimes breaks the concentration enough for her to act like she wasn’t doing anything (she turns around looking all cute and innocent)… and if you don’t love her right that minute, she goes right back to being naughty. Also, she is so obsessed with milk she won’t move her head when you are trying to close the refrigerator door.
Then we have Eliza Jane, aka EZJ, aka destroyer of expensive headphones, and other wired devices. She likes to wake us up at 5AM by clawing at us incessantly, rarely likes to cuddle unless I am in the bathroom, wants me to follow her to her food bowl and say “good girl” before eating, and is obsessed with chewing plastic and pukes them up all over the place…(Gilly does that too)
Finally, there’s Henry–the big doofus, and EZJ’s twin brother… Henry chases EZJ out of the litter box (he tries with Gilly too, but she is crotchety and unafraid to kick his butt), has no problem running across the keyboard while you are typing important things for school, latching on to your dress as you pass by, ripping your chairs with his teeth… the list goes on…he is more dopey and goofy than he is a jerk. He’s only 2.
Strangely, I find most of this impossible to stay mad about because they’re just so cute while being jerks… also, the sheer amount of sweetness they all have really balances it out.
There are three cats in my house, one for each roommate. It used to be only my cat, Ponce de Leon. Then, when Jessica moved in, she brought in Katherine. They hated each other at first. We can have their bowls sitting right next to each other, and Katherine will eat all of Ponce’s food. Then, my other roommate, Nikita, bought a kitten, Zephyr. He will also try to eat my cat’s food. But now, my cat has abandoned me, and only sleeps in my roommate’s room with the kitten. The kitten also liked to step all over my laptop and type random letters and has turned off my computer, always when I am in the middle of something important. Katherine likes to take her food out of the bowl, place it on the floor, and then eat it. She can’t eat it out of the bowl. Ponce has also tore up my couch. And those are some of the reasons why my cats are jerks!
I don’t have a cat, but I volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter. And there are these two cats that live in a corral together. They sit there and meow at me until I open the gate to play with them and then one of them (the fast skinny one) zooms out and starts running around the room. So I go pick him up, put him back in the corral, and as soon as I open the door to do this, the other one (the fat fluffy one) sneaks out. But luckily I can grab her before she gets too far. And as much as I love them, I want them to get adopted. NOW.
My jerkface cat Minnie (who is a total princess) can’t stand not being the center of my attention. It doesn’t matter how important my project is that I happen to be working on some night, Minnie INSISTS on laying down on top of the keyboard. Once displaced she wanders around making these funny little disgruntled low-pitch chirp noises, like “Well, I NEVER!” What a jerk.
I just discovered your blog today and it’s the most amazing thing I have discovered in recent memory! You might as well have written these posts about Minnie and my mom’s cat Uther. Uther is also solid black, and the jerkiest cat I have ever known in my life. Thank you for providing me with laughs today!
My cat is a jerk because she scratched my side so badly and so deeply it became infected and left a nasty scar. Then she did the same thing 5 months later to my other side.
Her brother is a jerk because he tripped me as I was pulling a pizza out of the oven and it fell upside down on my barefoot. I had second degree burns on my foot and the skin peeled off with the cheese. While I ran my foot under cool water, my cat ate my pizza.
pff you all think you have it bad. jeez our cat jasmine is complete jerk and when shes not happy, she goes to the extent of pissing on everyone’s bed purposely and you cant bother to leave your room’s door open for a second or else youll find a surprise. This can be a major annoyance for when you go to sleep not realizing there is cat piss in your bed.
I have three jerks that won’t get along. Had two older male cats, recently voted most likely to take in a younger female cat from a friend who couldn’t keep it.
We did all the scent exchanges and segregated them to try and get them to cohabitate. Now we have tried to let them work it on their own and it gets pretty scary.
At least once a day we have to break them up cause we are afraid someone will get hurt.
We used to have this terrible cat. He was aloof, cold and distant. He never played with toys. He would bite and scratch when you tried to pet him. He puked on everything. He would use the cabinet doors and the sliding door to make as much annoying noise as possible. We would turn over the house to find him to put him out but he found somewhere to hide where we never, ever found him so he got to puke all over the house when we were gone. Spent more time outside than with us. And he would come back smelling of old lady perfume and wood smoke, so he was cheating on us too. He was pretty much the embodiment of every undesired cat trait with none of the desired cat traits. He was so bad that my parents are afraid of getting another cat in case it’s like him. He was a jerk.
Went to clean litter boxes, one of them actually missed the box and crapped on the floor. They don’t care, I will just clean it up…JERK!
I have 5 cats, 2 boys & 3 girls. Sara is the oldest and the meanest, Shelby is the next one & is almost as mean as Sara. Nitro… well he’s just a jerk (to put it nicely) Elliot is next & he’s quite sweet. And then there’s Indy, the youngest & has proven to hold her ground with the best of the jerks out there.
Indy is about 4 months old & she was found outside on Independence Day (hence the name “Indy”) so because of her living outside without food she will climb up your leg to get the food, jump up as your putting the plate on the floor for her, growl if you come near her, hiss if you touch her food, and CRY CRY CRY until you open the can of food. I guess I can’t blame her but hasn’t she figured it out by now that I’m going to give her the food??? She also plays REALLY rough with Nitro, who is a Savannah cat, but when my husband or I come to pick her up she cries loud, as if we’re hurting her even though we aren’t!! Also, when you’re sleeping or dozing off she will run across your face while making a loud purr-meow noise… JERK!
Nitro… well check out this video of him. You’ll see for yourself.
& that’s the least of his jerkness
Sara will chase & corner my 13 yr stepson when something loud falls or one of the cats gets scared. She really hates him but he loves it. :/
Shelby hates everyone especially Indy. She (Indy) will walk by Shelby & Shelby will slap her, WITH her nails, for no reason!
My cats are jerk but we love them! I’m glad they’re jerks… it wouldn’t be the same without the attitudes. Thanks for a great website and blog!
My jerk cat, Dexter Halloween (also a black domestic shorthair bombay like Pants and Jezebel) has an OBSESSION with my hair ties. I mean, completely blindsidedly addicted. He will go any length to get his little paws on them, even if that means pulling them out of my hair while I am napping on the couch. I wish I could give them to Dexter Halloween – however, they are dangerous. He already cost me over $900 when he swallowed one of his toys.
When Dexter Halloween was a wee little kitteh – I thought it was cute and harmless. Watching him bat the little rubber circles all over my tiny apartment. Well, it wasn’t until the day I was doing some Spring Cleaning – and I decided to pull my refrigerator out and found SEVENTEEN HAIR TIES!!! 17!!! I was wondering where they were all going – ah!
This is only one of my jerks obsessions. The other one is Kix/Fruit Loops brand cereal. That’s a whole other story. 0_o
I love all cats, but there is something about a black cat that brings to mind eminent evil. I have a cat named Pancake, who looks nearly identical to Pants and Jezebel. She eve scowls the same! I swear they are pod people disguised as cats to lure us into some form of trap! My cat is a jerk because she cannot simply kill a mouse, no, she must DESTROY it!
Upon discovery of mice in our home, Pancake took it upon herself to brain one against the wall. Delicately she picked it up with her teeth then proceeded to sling it repeatedly against the wall in our hallway! The thing splattered like an egg! NOT pretty! After doing so, the other two cats in our home (Bacon and Waffle respectively) stared upon her with a mixture of horror and awe. I’m pretty sure neither of them will ever dispute that Pancake is the undisputed queen of the household! For if they do argue, she will surely bash their brains in! XD
My cat is such a JERK! She recently started going to the bathroom on my bathroom carpet in front of the toilet or in front of the tub! She will scratch them until they are all folded up. I went out and got puppy pads thinking she may use them,NOPE! she scratched at the pad til it moved and went underneath it. She is also a JERK b/c at 5:00 a.m when I am trying to sleep she is hanging off the screen in my bedroom window meowing this ungodly sound until I get up to let her in! Even though she is a jerk, she is my baby and I love her to pieces!
Let’s see… opening cabinets and eating a bite from /everything/, banging his head on my door /all night/ while I’m trying to sleep, tipping over the trash can every hour of every day, scooping /all/ of his litter out of his box onto the floor, /shredding/ curtains, pooping in the /clean clothes hamper/, plopping down on my keyboard when I’ve got work to do, clawing his way up my back, climbing my shoulder and turning his butt to me and farting.
The list goes on.
I’m sure my kitten is out to get me. We picked up Pixel from the humane society about 3 months ago. All seemed fine, usually hyper kitten behaviour and all that. Until one evening, I was talking to my boyfriend about these ceramic measuring spoons that I had found by sheer fluke and bought because they were too cute to pass up. I continued on about how it would likely be something that would be handed down to the next generation or some jazz like that. *beam* No word of a lie, a couple of nights later I was in bed, when I heard a commotion in the kitchen. Something had obviously been broken in the process. I guess Pixel decided that she would jump up onto the kitchen counter and what should get knocked onto the floor and smashed into pieces? My lovely ceramic measuring spoons. She’s also chewed a hole thru my favourite cardigan and ruined a pair of my favourite sneakers. So, not only is my kitten a jerk, she’s an evil little monster! I’m still convinced she does this crap on purpose.
Sounds like it needs cat tree training 101
She actually knows how to and is perfectly capable of using her cat tree. She’s only ever jumped on the counter once and it was to smash what I had claimed as a prized possession aka big fat jerk!
Haaaaaa! Our cat Stewie, who we adopted a year a go, will only break or knock things over if we shut our bedroom door at night. But we shut the door, because otherwise when he wakes up, he will jump on everything and shove things out of his way. He has broken anything made of glass in the living room and last night broke our new lamp that we bought to replace the one he broke. He used to get on the kitchen counter and streeeeetch to hit the pots hanging from the pot rack. So at 3am you would wake to “dong, dong, dong”. That was nice. But here is the secret to ensuring that some surfaces will be safe! BUY A SKAT MAT!!!!! Petco has them online. They are vet approved and safe, but they give a static shock when walked over. It feels like when you grab a door knob in the winter and get a little shock. It’s a rubber mat and comes in different sizes. We now own the big one (for the kitchen counter) and the small one (for the dining room table that he uses to jump onto the bar, BAD). For those of you that thinks this is mean…I wake up 6 times a night easily to something crashing. Every other surface is covered with pillows, so he can’t jump on them…so he resorts to pulling books off the book shelf. BOOKS! We had the mat set on the low setting, and our little jerk walked right over it, looked at us and knocked something over. He doesn’t do it on medium and it only took once I love Stewie.
My kitten is a massive jerk! He runs around my house and knocks everything off the tables and desks (paperwork, lamps, cups of tea). he also enjoys hiding under the table and pouncing on plates of food when im eating my dinner. he also enjoys dragging his dinner out his bowl and throwing it across the floor then eating it, but leaves the bits he doesnt want for me to stand on when i dont notice, its horrible!! ooo he also like to paw at water and slash it all over me, the worst is when i have a cup of water etc on my bedside table and he splashes me with it at night when im sleeping and wakes me up. he is such a jerk!! but because hes only tiny and a little ginger he is too cute to hate, especially when he wants a cuddle (which is rarely, which makes it all that more harder to hate when he decides he wants a cuddle)
He also decides he wants to use the computer at the same time as i do all of the time. how is it cats can bring things up on your computer you didnt even realize you had on your computer?????
My little is such a jerk, but i love my little jerk
both my cats are jerks. they arte evil jerks, and always lick thier bum when we have guests over.
Wow! Thats a lot of typos :-p
My 5 month old kitten is such a jerk. I wrote about what he did the other day on my blog http://homesweetsmome.blogspot.com/
My cat not once but twice has decided to sharpen her nails on my lap top….nothing like waking up to your keyboard letters being all over the floor and finding that the letter “S” is not where to be found! Why oh why could it have been the Z or the X?? Thankfully they bolth showed up but the X just sits on top now,
We moved into a house with a built in table and bench seats in the kitchen. I bought a bunch of different colored bandanas and made pillows out of them for the benches. My cat prompty peed all over them. She’s never done anything like that before or since, but she HATED those pillows! I even sprayed them several times with that stuff that’s supposed to keep cats away–it didn’t matter, she just kept peeing on them so I threw them away. (The pillows–not the jerkie cat!) Maybe she was getting back at my husband for naming her Dame Sybil Molestrangler!
My cat Carlos is the ultimate diva(divo?). I made the mistake of feeding him people food as a kitten. Now it is damn near impossible for me to enjoy a meal without Carlos (and now my new kitten Sancho) on my lap, the table, the chair next to me, my shoulders etc. Carlos is far jerkier than Sancho when it comes to begging for food. On one occasion, Carlos smacked an ENTIRE grilled cheese out of my hand as I was lifting it off the plate to take a bite. Well it landed on the floor and he just went to town on it. I tried to get the grilled cheese back (to throw away) and he growled at me and promptly laid on top of it. What a jerk. Most recently I was enjoying a plate of waffles and he jumped onto my kitchen table and put his face right into them, covered his nose with syrup and butter and then looked pissed at me for not giving him his share. I have officially created a jerk-monster.
This blog is totally hilarious. I also have two totally jerky cats and by the stories of Jezebel puking, I think one of them might be her long lost sister.
I love this blog! My cat keeps peuking everywhere when we can’t get her normal food in the shops. But she won’t peuk on the tiles or wooden floor, only on material, like cushions, couch, bed, carpet. Grrr. She also has the odd scuttery shit on our couch. I still love her though.
My Jerk’s name is Squeaky. Well, one of my jerks, the one featured here anyhow. She likes to knock things off of high places. Now I don’t mean that she accidentally does so “bull in a china shop” style….. this is “jerk in a china shop” style. She will sit by the thing to be knocked off…. usually a breakable thing…
Then she’ll look at me…..
Look at thing…..
Look at me…….
Look at me……
Swat thing off shelf…..
Look at me …….
Clean her paw……
Leaves to find food…..
I have things right now that are double back taped to my mantel.
My eldest cat Onyx likes to drink with his paw, he also likes to wake me up at 3 am. So I got him a friend. Seth likes used q tips, straws (that you are currently drinking from). He takes food from the bowl and drops it everywhere and eats it later, including my bed. I know the crumbs aren’t from me. He also looks out the window with his tongue sticking out. He is soo stupid.
It is currently 5am and I have been awake for over an hour because of my jerk, Glow. This is his favourite time to scratch at every closed door in the house and sing at the top of his lungs. Glow is also a jerk because he likes to lick you. Constantly. Painfully. If I let him, he will lick the same spot on my arm until the skin is red raw. Jerk.
Anyway, I just wanted to say great blog! I started in a foul sleep deprived mood and am now in fits of giggles.
Oh, my cat really is a jerk!
Named henry because she is ginger with a white ruff, she is every bit as much of a pig as her namesake.
She eats, sleeps and goes to the toilet. She smells, choosing only the stupidest places to stain and stink out, and vomits as much as she can (beinng a long haired monster).
She has recently taken to taking a dump on the window sil of the living room at leat once every 2 days.
Henry is definately a jerk!
Y’know what? I’m not even gonna try. I’m just gonna leave you idiots and this dumb site here. I’m gonna leve you guys to bitch about your cats. Cats are going to be sort of passive and grumpy at times. Get over it, instead of crying about it on websites like this. I had an aunt who moved to Scotland who used to own three cats. And sure, they did act sort of obnoxious at times, but I (And she) still loved them! If you guys are worried about your cats doing things like these, than why don’t you get out of your mum’s basement and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of sitting here, whining about “Oh my cat did this and my cat did that,” and so on. Like why don’t you train them to get out of these unpleasent habbits? Yeah, do something productive for once.
Oh, and about the “Famous Jerk Cats” page, that was just biased beyond belief. They all include undescriptive, 1 sentenced explanations that looked like they were made by a 5 year old. Don’t just say you hate them because you do or something like that. ELABORATE! But I especially hate the ones about Tom and Sylvester. Why do these people find it difficult to get crap past the radar? IT’S IN A CAT’S NATURE TO ACT AS THE PREDATOR AND EAT MICE AND BIRDS AND OTHER SMALLER CREATURES! Plus, they are f***ing cartoon characters for God’s sake! There is no need to complain about cartoon characters! I found Tom and Sylvester very likeable, and if you dislike them, fine. But to just say “They are jerks!” (And this goes for the other cats mentioned in the list) that’s just saying you cannot find an actual legit reason into why you dislike them. Again: ELABORATE INSTEAD OF JUST CALLING THEM JERKS! How would YOU like it if I just happened to walk right next to you on the sidewalk one day and called YOU a jerk? You wouldn’t like it, would you? Them put these cats into your shoes and think about it for once.
That was Rilly funy And my cat is a jerk he bitese all the time
OMG. I can’t stand my cat anymore. Everyday my husband gets up for work at 5am. He goes downstairs, feeds the cat his soft food then he makes his coffee. Well it’s Christmas break now and we like to sleep in a little. About 5am my cat comes into my room and tries to wake us up by either scratching on the door or mess with anything that’s on the floor like plastic bags or knocking a box over. Well this morning we kept ignoring him so he peed on the suitcase I had on the floor in front of my closet door cuz he was pissed that he wasn’t getting his breakfast. MAJOR JERK!!!!
when ever im doing an project or my homework my cat will walk right in front of me rub against me face then sit right on top of my paper its the mosst annoying and adorable thing. i love my cat she also loves to play with feet. when we are eationg dinner she will go under the table and bite our feet. she always goes with my sister who FREAKS out!! she makes us put her out but me and my sister end up sneaking her back and it all starts again (but we dont let her out).
Every day at exactly 4:30 a.m. my cat Remy will jump on top of my face and fall asleep. My cat snores it is really wierd. She also acts exactly like a dog. she follows us everywhere im surprised she doesn’t bark. she is like a gaurd cat you cant get away with anything she watches your every move,i guess thats okay because she is only doing it to keep us safe.
my cate is a dog she follows use whaen we go on walks her name is remy . so cute but so annoying . love ya remy
my cat is a dog she follows use whaen we go on walks her name is remy . so cute but so annoying . love ya remy
My cat Sully’s nickname is Jerk-wad. I call him that daily. My boyfriend thinks it is funny. I think it is spot-on. Today he puked on my cable box and shorted it out…so much for the episodes of American Idol my roommate recorded. Yesterday he puked on my new black wool coat and now I have to pay $25 to clean it. He scratches everything I own even though he has 3 scratching posts and a climbing gym. He climbs onto the bookshelf and pulls books and videos off one by one, all while looking me in the eye and daring me to do something about it. I could go on, but I can’t because he is sitting on my lap purring up a storm and staring lovingly into my eyes. I need to go pet him and brush him and play with him because he is so sweet and loving and wonderful when he is not being a jerk. Jerk.
My cat has been nicknamed Isabella Demoncat. She is the prissiest cat I have ever met, she sits with all paws together, every piece of fur in it’s place, and a beautiful posture. However, if you mess with that fur by simply petting her she will draw blood. Whenever I go to the doctor they always give me the depression survey because they think I am cutting. She is not a lap cat so don’t try. She will however sit next to you. She likes to tempt petting by laying on her back and stretching out… then looking at you. This is her trap, if you touch her she immediately snaps like a bear trap sinking her teeth into your hand.
Aside from the violence Izzy loves to knock water glasses over. I’m not talking about accidental bumping or hitting them while she is trying to get somewhere… she takes her cute little paw and paws the glass off the edge of the table. She also does this to any objects that will make a mess. She likes to jump on any paper stacks and kicks them off my desk or wherever onto the floor. She seeks out headphones and other cords of the like. She loooves to chew on them. She’s gone through 3 cell phone chargers, 2 pairs of headphones, and my $80 laptop charger. Nothing will stop her, I have to keep them put away in a drawer.
She also only uses her little box for urine… the back of my closet is where she poops. Another bodily mess she makes is from vomiting. I have to feed her in small amounts because she will eat and eat until she has to throw up (which she likes to do on my bed or any carpeting.
Speaking of bed… if I sleep too long she will go under my bed and use her claws to grab at my hair. She will continue to claw at my hair until I wake up. If this does not work she will run (top speed) across the bed… she starts by running across my legs, then back across my chest and if I’m still not up feeding her she’ll jump on my face.
This is the funniest shit i’ve run across in years! holy hannah i thought i was the only one living with some jerks but find its a common denominator;)
Ugh, peeing in my underwear drawer, can it get worse?!?!?!
My cat Xiaoran is an absolute sweetie to me… but he is a real jerk to my bf. Most of the time, he is very docile at home but lately my bf and I have been really hanging out at each others’ houses and when I bring my cat over to his place, he just does anything to piss my bf and when my bf comes to spend time with me and my cat, my cat would come over, bite him on the leg a few times and run off… Might I add that he likes to attack my bf when we are… ehhhem intimate. Now tell me how much of a jerk can any other cat get? lol.
I have four jerk cats. Three male jerks and one female jerk. The boys are Duffy, Patterick, and Jones and the girl is Meeka.
I’ll start with Duffy because he is the king of the jerks. Duffy likes to ride wrapped around my shoulders like a living mink stole except this one scratches and bites and refuses to depart his human conveyance once she’s reached port. Jerk. He gets angry at me for the littlest things and shows his displeasure by attacking the back of my head when I’m laying on the bed. Jerk. When I’m at the computer, he jumps onto my desk and plops down on the keyboard and shoves everything within reach onto the floor. Jerk. He expects me to open and close the door for him while he goes in and out all day and all night long. Jerk. He never tips the doorman. Jerk. If i ignore his demands to go out, he immediately runs to wherever Patterick is and proceeds to beat the crap out of him until I throw his little monster ass out the door. Jerk. About 30 seconds later, he howls to be let back in. Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk!!!!! He gets up hours earlier than I do and revels in waking me up by lightly clawing my eyelid. Jerk. He hops into my car when I’m trying to leave and dodges me when I try to drag him out. Jerk. He kills gophers and leaves the intestines and heads outside for me to clean up every day. Jerk. He refuses to let anyone else enjoy the catnip I put out for them and tries to hog it all. Jerk. He lays in wait while I’m washing my car and as soon as I’m done and the car is sparkling, he comes leaping out of nowhere to gleefully track paw prints all over it. Jerk.
Patterick was an adorable solid white kitten who was supposed to be a present for me but from the minute my boyfriend brought him home, he showed a preference for my boyfriend and treated me like the plague. Jerk. He won’t let me hold him. He braces his front paws against my chest and pushes away from me. Jerk. He acts like if he could just go through the rest of his life without me ever touching him, he’d be so happy. Total jerk. He seeks out my dark clothing to sleep on so he can shed and shed and shed and then shed some more. Jerk. When he gets tired of shedding, he concentrates on trying to yark up hairballs onto the bedspread in the hopes that I’ll sit on it before I see it. Jerk.
Jones is the baby even though he’s four years old. He acts like I’m his favorite person and then hisses at me when I try to pick him up. Jerk. He lives to play outside but since he’s mostly white, we only allow him out during the daytime. He gets impatient for us to let him out in the morning so he tries to knock everything he finds on the dressers, the headboards,. the bookshelves, and the tabletops. Jerk. He gets super mad at us when we bring him in at night and runs from us to hide somewhere out of reach in the house so he can pout. Jerk. At night time his life’s goal is to pick on Meeka and drive her nuts. Jerk.
Meeka bites you when you try to pet her. Not hard bites but bites just the same. Jerk. She growls at everyone, even when she’s happy. Jerk. She never cuddles with anyone – ever. Jerk.
Has there ever been such a thing as a grateful cat? No. Never. Dogs appreciate everything you do for them. Cats treat you like a servant. If cats could talk, they would lie to you. Jerks.
All four of my cats are jerks. They try to out pee and pooh each other. It doesn’t matter how well it’s cleaned up or how clean the litterbox is because it’s a contest. NO place is safe, shoes, coats, bookbags, bathtub, beds, clothes left sitting ANYWHERE, ect. My husband has a weekly pill organizer and left the lid up the other morning. One of them happily filled up Thursday for him. I just went in to feed the dog and sure enough… the bowl’s full of cat pee. It’s a good thing I love them so much because UGH !
Ummm, I heart this blog. Seriously. My kitten is a jerk. We even call him Jerk Kitten and refer to him as that on a daily basis. He has scaled my door jam (I wish I was kidding), climbed my curtains, unravelled countless roles of toilet paper, given my orange cat a bald spot, raises his paw and smacks you when you tell him no and bites if you make him get out of the sink. Jerk.
I have two female jerk cats, they ate through my iphone charger that was new. She also chewed through the wire on my head set. Attacked my arm chair and ripped bits off the bottom of it. Did a poop on the wall near the litter box, a splatter. All I have done is be loving to her and cuddle, groom, feed her and any time I walk near her she runs away acting like Im going to eat her or something. She sounds Like Yoda on sandpaper, not a typical cat sound at all. Every morning after I get up and feed them she comes and attacks my feet and rips part of my blanket off in her teeth. My cat is a jerk as she pushed my beautiful stone heart off the table and cracked it. The older female jerk seems to like pushing objects off onto the floor. The youngest jerk jumps on top of me at night and yoda wails at me. I swat her off. She also eats anything, almond butter, seaweed, butter, toast, crumpets, brocolli, yogurt, cheese, coffee beans, shes a jerk as she never makes me breakfast in bed
My cat is such a jerk! I left my laptop open while I went to the bathroom. My cat wasn’t even in the room at the time. When I returned, no more than like 3 minutes later, he had ripped off 5 of the keys on my keyboard! Total jerk.
I have a jerky cat, and a nice cat. The nice one lived with me for 3 years before I thought she was lonely and bought her a kitten companion. She tried to mother him, but now he is a year old and almost double her size. He wont let her go to the washroom or eat, ill give them food in seperate rooms, and as soon as shes done and I open the door, he runs and eats all hers, and leaves his alone. He gets jealous of my guy friends and pees on the carpet if they are around. He whines constantly, and scratches my couch and boxspring just because he knows it makes me mad. He sticks his paws in my glasses of water, and I can no longer keep a glass of water on my bedside table. Almost every night this month he has pushed it over on me and I wake up soaked and angry. If I let him in my room at night, he will scratch everything, whine and destroy my blinds. If I lock him out of my room, he will run at the door for however long it takes me to get frustrated enough to open it to shut him up. Ive tried spraying him with water, but he apparently likes water. He even follows me to the shower, and when I try to dry off, he claws the towel and wont let go. He is such a bully to my other poor cat, and is driving me crazy. ARGH he is such a jerk.
My cat started intentionally flipping all of his litter out of his covered and doored box. Not only this but he will then roll in it and drag it through the rest of my apartment. He also likes to knock over full glasses of liquid and buildforts in box springs. Complete with food and toys.
I got my female kitten two week after after I brought home a male kitten. The female was drinking on her own, until she found out that the male kitten has nipples! I occasionally catch her trying to feed from the male and have to separate them xD
Lucy is such a jerk. I cant just fill her bowl up like a normal cat and let her graze throughout the day, because she will litterally eat as much as she can, then proceed to throw up all over the place.
So i have to give her 1/4 cup scoops of food 3 or 4 times a day, which she harasses me for everytime i even look like im heading towards the kitchen. And god forbid i put the scoop of food in the bowl when shes not there to see it, because when she finds it, she will howl at the top of her lungs and refuse tot ouch it until she sees me physically touch the food with my hand. Jerk.
When were alone, shes my cuddle baby. As soon as my boyfriend comes over he is her god and i am chopped liver. She barely looks at me as she lays on his lap purring like a little kitten.
Jerkity jerk jerk.
Lastly, stop sitting on my piles of clean clothes and leaving big black fur clumps on everything! Jerk.
My cat is the biggest jerk ever, his name is Wizzy. He has pulled almost all of the wallpaper off my bedroom walls, he trys to eat my feet when i go to bed because the stick out the end of the covers and he trys to sleep on my face which makes me get cat hair in my mouth! Wizzy always claws you when you walk past him and when he uses his litter tray he gets out without covering up his mess and scraches of the wall next to the litter tray, its so annoying when you are trying to read or watch a film! Such a jerk.
My cat is a jerk! But i couldn’t love him more! He is named after a dinosour, Aladar, from Disneys movie: Aladar. After our old dog died my little brother wanted to have a dinosour, becouse he loves dinosours. But we couldn’t buy a dinosour on ebay or something like that, so we desided to have cats. we are an family with tree children, two cats and a golden retriver. My male cat, Aladar loves my dog, Amanda. But he is too lasy to play with my dog, though my dog really wants to. My other cat, Ally, is so shy that she lay in my brothers bed all day, to feel safe. Poor cat..
Aladar is the laziest cat ever! He sleeps all day, anywhere he can. On my computer, on me and my family, in the middle of the floor, on my table, anything soft, anything hard, anything-everywhere!
I can’t imagine a life without Aladar. He is adoreble og cute. He is by my side everyday, anytime. i can come to him when i am sad, and he helps me. I love him so much that i could cry over it!
Written by: Katrine DK 14 years old.
my two cats are jerks. not only do they claw when they knead, but Mary uses their feed bowl for HER LITTER BOX!!!! seriously i’ve never heard of a cat pooping where she eats. and if not closely watched they both will run off with any food left unguarded in our plates, lol this expecially annoys my children who are not as diligent at watching their food as me and my husband. but i still love my little balls of fluff Mary (smush face) and Jane (cross eyed kitty) reguardless.
I just about finished a wonderful reply, when it suddenly disappeared! Gone! What the frick? Was it eaten by some cat hacker?
This place is awesome.. My cat’s name is Goozi (means little fart in farsi) She is a”jerk” but I call her “b*$@&”. She drives me nuts, and I start to yell and then can’t help but laugh.. She hides ALL my lighters.. Always the lighters, I end up finding them in the most random places months or so later.. I cannot begin to tell the frustration of not being able to find a freakin lighter in my own house..
Also, she loves to throw things off the table.. and not just any old “thing” the only things she knows I am using, or in dire need for.
I am currently studying for the bar exam, and if she doesn’t plop her ass ontop of the lap top or the papers I am using and need, she will sleep and ignore me until I get up to go pee or something, only to come back and find all my pens are missing, and she is running around with my headphones in her mouth..
And to top it all off.. she come over for a kiss now and again, only to turn around and bite my hand and then look at me like “what??? what do somethiing..”
Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog based on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.
I know my subscribers would appreciate your work. If you are
even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.
I just am so aggravated with one of my cats and Im glad I found a place where people understand my frustration. She’s basically an asshole. She only likes my mother and my mother doesn’t want anything to do with her and shows her no type of love at all so I don’t know why she follows her around and cries for her. The cat’s name is Demon for a reason. She will swipe and hiss at you if you walk too closely by her. She randomly attacks my other cat Queenie, who is the sweetest cat ever. I can’t remember ever seeing Queenie fight back, she just tries to get away ASAP. Poor thing, I feel so bad. Whenever someone else gets Demon upset for whatever reason (shes always upset) she goes and takes it out on Queenie who, most of the time, is just sitting somewhere minding her own business. They’re both indoor cats, if that matters. Another annoying thing that Demon does is she will rub against your legs and meow ever so sweetly and look up at you with her big eyes (she is a very petite and cute cat) but when you go to pet her, thinking thats what she wants, she freaks out and swipes and hisses. The only time Demon let me touch her for more than 5 seconds was when she ran away and was outside for a couple days in the snow and I found her under a bush freezing and crying so I wrapped her in blankets and gave her food and water. After she recovered from that incident it was back to her old lunatic self. Now I read all about vertical space, scents, food and all that but all of this cat’s needs are met. I would give her almost anything she wanted but she would rather squat under the table and stare at you creepily as you walk by. I really don’t know what this cats issue is. She’s an asshole but I love her.
I’m typing this with one hand because my big, fat jerk is lying directly on top of me as I lay in bed with my laptop. I have tried pushing him away numerous times but he always comes back. This happens Every. Single. Time. I use my laptop. If he’s not doing that, he’s gnawing away at my laptop charger. If I’m using my phone, he gnaws on the corner of it. If I’m reading, he literally gets right up in my face and gnaws on my glasses and most of the time manages to jerk them off my face. He’s a jerk, but he’s pretty dang smart too. I haven’t slept soundly through the night and slept in in the morning since I got him. He is usually hungry by 6-7 a.m. and meows loudly until I feed him. This happens no matter how much food I give him the night before. Also, he runs up and down my body throughout the night. He throws up all the time, mostly during the night so if I’m not careful I’ll step in it in the morning. He refuses to come downstairs because of my dogs and if I spend too long downstairs he’ll sit on the stairs and meow shrilly until I come back up. And he also loathes my hair – he’ll attack it while I’m sleeping or petting him or just chilling out. My hair is my cat’s worst enemy. My cat is the biggest jerk ever, yet he’s my baby and I adore him.
My cat’s name is Jasmine. That’s spelled capital J-e-r-k. Every night while I’m sleeping, she jumps up on the dresser and knocks every single thing down one by one. After years of doing so she now knows to do one of the old “shove & scatters” before I can jump up to catch her.
Also she will sit in the middle of the staircase and meow relentlessly for attention. The second before you pet her she high tails it up the stairs and hides under the couch. I didn’t go to community college and work at a dead end job so she can be a jerk to me while i pay for food and jerk cat toys.
My cat’s name is Bubbles, because when she was a baby she looked like she had bubbles everywhere on her (shes a calico) I went up to her today, and she HISSED at me for NO reason! So i started to pet her, and she smacked me in the face with her paw!!! REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? My cat is a jerk, but i love her anyways… Now shes giving me the evil eye -_-
Once my cat pooped on my face when I was sleeping lol it was funny. It smelled really bad and it stung my eyes. I had pink eye for a month lol. Has this happened to anyone else?
Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this
blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the page layout of your website?
Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so
people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only
having 1 or 2 pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?
My Ragdoll loves me but he ignores my wife and sort of rubs it in her face. Its funny as and annoys the crap outta my wife. He is a JERK!!!!!!
We want to talk about jerks? I have one. An orange tabby male, he’s a terror! Yes, he’s cute, but he’s a complete terror. He whines all night, kneads my face and all of this ends up chasing me out of my own bed and secluding him another (With food, water and clean litter of course) and into the livingroom to sleep on the couch.
The horror doesn’t end there, he’s barred from the livingroom most of the time because he likes to chew cords. Recently he’s been trained on my Tablet cord, and well, i’m an artist by trade and if he destroys my tablet, i’m SOL money wise and he knows it. I’m finding some of that bitter apple spray and trying that…still have no clue what to do for the loud raucous meowing and his need to wake me at 5AM every morning, and yes, it’s not to be fed…you can’t even see the bottom of the bowl, it’s just him being a jerk!
I have 7 jerks & I love, love, love em all!!
Yeah *CRAZY CAT LADY*
Well let’s start with Onyx my 16 yr old male whom is also an outdoorsmen too. I call him in at night & he runs home to stop & sit at the bottom of the stairs. I call him onny, come on…. ONYX COME ON! He starts his bath n acts like I’m not screaming at him to get in ( foxes & cars are out at night he dark Hence Onyx) he makes me run down the stairs in my PJ n yeah I dress wierd for bed, knee high socks shorts n colors that dont match. But im comfy!! NO ONE IS SUPOSED TO KNOW THAT! Thanks Jerk!
OR when I pull in the driveway & he gets happy I’m home n runs up the driveway n stops, so I can’t make it in the driveway CUZ HE’S BLOCKING ME! I have to get out of my car n shoooo him away. Never fails tho he’ll always do it! I live my jerks tho. That’s just a teny
My cats a jerk he rips up paper towel and toilet paper. He steals food from my counters. He never let’s me sweep the floor, and he’s always at the door. Teases the neighbors dog, and he’s always meowing at me. I can’t even sneak up on him he always meows. It’s impossible to give him treats, but he ate all my beef jerky last week. He climbs into grocery bags and omg he heard me open the fridge. Yeah. Big fat ginger jerk!
I love my good guy so much but he is a real jerk, he pees all over the house, and he isnt sick, he is just, well a jerk…. He is adorable and sweet and follows us around and thinks hes a human, he carries a doll sweater around w him like linus and is so smart…. Its just his potty habits are terrible, he pees on the washer, my rugs, the floor, shoes, everywhere except the litter box. I think going to try and potty train him…. And although he may be a jerk, at least he isnt like my parents cat, who bites them all the time and has to take mood stabilizing herbs….. Now hes an asshole!
Siamese jerks are the worst. One likes to scream at 5 am morning but definitely doesn’t want attention, food, water, or to snuggle. Just wants to be a jerk and wake us up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve Facebooked “my cats a dick”. The other siamese jerk likes to drink out of my water glass. I have to cover it with a coater when I walk out of the room. These are the worst kind of jerks — smart and vocal ones. Good think I love them a lot. What’s that say about me?
My cat sits on me and then farts in my face….
i have 2 cats male and female (brother and sister both 14yrs) the female is a jerk, she really doesn’t like me ,if i put her out she will leave a pooh on the door step every time for me to step into!i have a plastic green house which she insists on trashing by jumping on the roof of it and shredding it with her claws. Now winter is here she was staying in but she insists on not using the litter tray and crapping behind the door, so when i open it up the pooh slides a lovely skid across the floor this is on a daily basis , the other day she left a pooh in the middle of the night at the bottom of my sons bunk bed ladders for him to step into when he woke up and on the same night did a pee in my husbands trainer (not a drop on the floor ) and for a while i thought it was my tom doing it because he has 3 legs and finds it difficult to walk so we split the cats up and its her! devil cat! the one who leaves birds head, feet and wings on the path minus the body every time and she never shuts up moan! moan! moan! ,if my young sons friends take an interest in her and carry her around i insist they take her home if they like her so much .my tom by the way is quiet and lovely he just sits looking at her while she moans and occasionally slaps her around the back of the head ha ha ha
ps last night i put my cat out (she annoys me so much poohing every where) in the morning i opened the door to let her in and she has left a pooh on my mat with my gnome (which is stood at the side of my door ) face down in the pooh (this cat really doesnt like me lol i think she is human trapped in a cats body ! people who say cats are really clean mmmm i dont think so
My cat is an a-hole. So actually i have three kitties. Nero, London, and Zorra. London is the sweetest little thing. She thinks of me as her mum and can’t stand to be seperated from me for long. Zorra is still a kitten but pretty much a typical kitty. Then there is Nero. He’s a beautiful orange and white tabby with nasty additude. I open the door to let him outside and he growls at me. I try to pet him, sometimes hes okay with it, the rest of the time he bites. heaven forbid i try to pick him up. He will growl and claw and bite after a few seconds. He hates the girls. if they get too close to him, he growls and swats at them. Despite all of this i truly adore him. He’s very pretty for a tabby and his purr is sort of hypnotizing. But he’s still a JERK!
I’ve got two jerks… An orange tabby(bandit) and a calico(malice) they are brother and sister and I think they are plotting something against me. Just yesterday the little bastards pissed and pooped in my bed! The thing that angered me was that they hid it under the covers… So when I got into bed one night I found myself jolting out of bed after lying in a…’pleasant’ surprise. They also pee on my clothes, claw my butt, and destroy my earphones and furniture. Not to mention they seem to enjoy digging to china in their litter boxes spilling litter on the floor in the process. They are jerks but I love them.
Well, my “nephew” Junior, loves to be loved… And be quite vocal about it or not… He has a head butting you while you’re laying down and THINKS you’re awake and has decided to teach this to our 6 month old kitten Penelope so my boyfriend and I have 2 kitties that do that t us
My cat insists on waking me up every morning and meows between 4am till about 6am when i usually wake up and if i ignore her meows then she starts to knock things off the shelves to get my attention and meows the whole time while she is doing it, and then as i get up she runs and hides under the bed like it is a game and as soon as i get back into bed she starts again… so i get up to feed her thinking maybe she is hungry and as soon as she has finished eating she does it again, drives me crazy (she reminds me of my nephew when he was younger the more you say no the more they want to do it)… so by the time my alarm goes off at 6 to get ready for work she climbs back on the bed goes to sleep and i am tired because ive been chasing around after her all morning…
My cat is a total jerk. Her jerk tendencies have been obvious from day one. She did all the usual kitten naughtiness but with the attitude of a horrible teenager. If this cat could give me the finger, or swear at me she would. She repeatedly scratches the furniture despite having a floor to ceiling cat scratcher, cardboard boxes, endless amounts of toys (turning her nose up at each and every one, no matter how expensive or lifelike) and anything else she could possibly need. She doesn’t just scratch the furniture though, she stares at me while she does it as if saying ‘f*** you!’. She keeps me up all night by jumping on me or barging me, and if you shut her out of the bedroom she body slams the door for up to half an hour at a time trying to get back in. If you don’t feed her as soon as you get up in the morning she will repeatedly try to trip you up until you do. She pulls the flooring up, destroys everything, repeatedly tries to commit suicide by eating dangerous things that you thought you had hidden from her but she has somehow managed to find. She’s a complete nightmare and I think her sole purpose of being on this earth is to be the biggest jerk possible. Swap you for one of yours?? Lol! She’s 3 now, so it doesn’t look like she is going to grow out of it!!
Oh I forgot to say she also pukes in my shoes. Yea you don’t find that bad boy until you are getting a cat sick pedicure :/ lovely!!!
Good site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find
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My cats are jerks! They shed and I have cat hair in and on EVERYTHING. I vaccum constantly and am still covered in hair. I have to feed them different types of food because one ‘scooches poo’ all over my floors if her diet isn’t perfect. They pee and miss their litter box, track cat litter over everything, vomit anywhere (even in our bed while we’re sleeping), scratch the leather furtinure, whine about everything, spill the water every day, UGGG! And, I’m allergic to them so I wake up with a headache and stuffy head every day. Oh! And they don’t like each other and last year we spent over 1K on vet bills to treat the bites. We now spend $80 a month on ferimone plug-ins to keep them calm. I am wondering if euphansia is a sin!? I’m glad you have such a great sense of humor about it all – I needed to smile about it, because seriously, they are JERKS!
We live with the Four Kitties of the Apocalypse (War, Pestilence, Famine and Clusterf*ck. They take turns being Clusterf*ck), otherwise known as Nani, Nene, Nina and Nea (yeah, the names…don’t ask). They are all, all, all jerks. Srsly. But we love them, even when Nina the Small White Cat ™ gets in my face at 8 am (that is too early. I’m a freelancer) and starts meowing up my nostrils for her breakfast, or Nani the giant tiger flips out and pees on my computer keyboard because someone got down a cat carrier, somewhere in the world, or Nene the naughty tuxedo cat fluffs his tail, grabs some chocolate and runs like hell (Nene caught a bat once. In. The. House. I shit you not.), or Nea the cranky but beautiful calico growls and chomps you for daring to pet her, which you can’t resist doing, because she’s SOOOO PRETTY AND FLUFFY. Total jerks. Couldn’t live without ‘em.
I love my cat Granyah, but man she drives me crazy. Here is just a few jerky things this crazy cat of mine does. And trust me the list I have for her is neverending. Opening all my cupboard door and sitting there waiting for me to yell at her then she runs crazy laps around the whole house. Not trying to hurt me but every time I walk through the house she attacks the back of my legs and feet. Licking my socks after I take off my shoes. I yell at her every time and she still does it every time. Opening my socks dwar and dragging my socks through thwart house. Even getting my socks out of the dirty laundry and bringing them to the living room. Like I said the list goes on. So I will stop here and let the next person share
We brought a new memory foam bed and new satin sheets duck down quilt silk duvet cover, that night had a lovely sleep when I woke up my cat had peed on me it soaked through all the bedding and soaked the mattress. We spent hours scrubbing the mattress we had to throw away the quilt and my new bed was never the same and all because my cat is a jerk
I have 4 jerk cats and 1 jerk dog…however the king of the jerks is my cat Cat. He wont answer to any other name but Cat. He destroys everything he possibly can and watches me while he does it. He screams at 4AM every morning no matter if he is locked out of our bedroom or not. He also does everything on your list. Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one with a jerk cat that drives me crazy!
The UNIVERSE brought me a Siamese kitten. I was so excited about being a mommy to this little baby. EXCEPT now that he’s a little older… he gallops back and forth at all hours of the day and night…..has completely destroyed my shower curtain….steps on me…uses my head to jump on to the floor…makes so much noise that I can’t sleep…wakes me up earlier than I want to wake up…pounces on my poor dogs and tries to eat their food. Don’t get me wrong…I stil love him….he’s a handsome little fellow with beautiful blue eyes….but he’s a JERK!!!
Yes my cat, Grimm, is a total Jerk. I’m a student trying to study ancient Hebrew. He don’t like the sound of it…too harsh words, I suppose. He acts very irritated; Run around with a puff tail and meow excessively, and now he pee on my son’s bed. Now my son is also irritated…Jerk no 2. I can’t win! So now I’m Jerk no 3; I’ve closed the cat in another room now so that I can study…with all these conflicting emotions from anger, irritation…will I ever get this vocabulary of dots and… in my head tonight . Iesh!!!
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